What to do? What to do?

[GalaxyC]

Okay. So I have this thing for a guy at work. Only problem is, that he's married.

 

At our xmas do we were getting on really well and we talked a little about serious things and he told me he didn't love his wife anymore. Nothing actually happened because neither of us are horrible people and besides I don't know if he likes me likes me or just likes me as a friend. Anyway, after he left I texted him to say goodbye and hoped he would get home ok. He texted back "bye sexy". So, because I was a bit drunk I texted him back and said that he shouldn't say those things to me and he asked why. I replied that I fancied him and it just encouraged me, and he didn't reply.

 

Then we worked together as a crew last monday and it was the first time I'd really seen him for more than a couple of minutes and we had a really good shift. He bought me some sweets and my lunch and we just had a laugh all day. It wasn't awkward at all. Neither of us mentioned the xmas do or anything and so I just decided that I would get over my crush and just be mates with him.

 

But then last night I worked with another crewmate who has known him for a lot longer and been friends with him and I confided in her that I had a crush on him and what he'd said at the xmas do and she confirmed it saying that he had confided in her before that he wasn't in love with his wife anymore.

 

So now I'm not really sure what to do. I mean I would never make a move or try and entice him away from his marriage but then I think well, if he isn't happy with her? They have a little girl together as well which probably complicates matters because obviously he loves his little girl to death.

 

Actually, now that I've typed this all out I can see this is a very bad idea and I just shouldn't even bother going there. Should I?

[Dako]

No, you shouldn't.

He's married, and even if he's not in love with his wife, you stand a chance of getting into an affair with a married man, wrecking his marriage further, hurting his wife, being a rebound relationship and struggling with a guy going through the chaotic emotions of divorce or separation.

 

And what might you end up with?

A guy with a wandering eye who stayed with a woman he didn't love until another woman came along.

 

I'd ask him to call when he's single, and watch his reaction.

That will tell you how serious he is.

[itsallgrand]

Short term pleasure for long time pain. or

Short term displeasure for long term happiness.

 

I think you should doll yourself up and go out and unabashedly let men hit on you in a fun setting. Don't take it past that: but go out and see how desirable you are. Get an ego boost. Find something or someone else to think about.

 

He is already testing out to see your boundaries. Texting 'hey sexy'. Spreading the word about how unhappy he is in his marriage to females.

If he is unhappy in his marriage, that is his to deal with his wife.

 

Maybe one day you'll have an honest shot with this guy. Not now, IMO. It would be a good while off.

[Caldus]

How do you know that he's not just trying to get in your pants by saying all of those things? He could be bored with his wife.

 

He's married. Bad idea. Plus there are tons and tons of guys out there. Don't waste your time with this one.

[GalaxyC]

I think you're misunderstanding. This guy isn't an * * * *.....he's a nice guy and neither of us would ever do anything while he is still in a relationship. I'm not some dirty slag and he isn't a player. Also, he isn't spreading the word.....he told his friend who he has been friends with for a long time and me because I asked him.

 

I just wasn't sure whether to tell him how I feel and to ask how he sees me.

[Caldus]

Yeah, well you never really know. Some guys are good at putting up a front to not seem like a player. It could also simply just be the case that he is simply not liking his current marriage and is looking for something new. Either way, I think if you ever had a chance with this guy, it's going to have to be much later on like the other poster said. It will be easy enough finding another guy as long as you get out there.

[GalaxyC]

It will be easy enough finding another guy as long as you get out there.

 

No. It won't. It isn't.

 

Anyway, this guy probably doesn't even like me in that way...he's probably just flirting and because I'm so sad and pathetic I'm clinging onto it and turning it into something it's not. So I should just get over it and stop being an idiot and get used to the fact that I'm on my own and always will be.

[Caldus]

You are not going to always be alone. Stop saying that. You're just getting yourself too involved with the wrong guy. Get out there so that you can pick and choose from hundreds of guys who are probably just as good as him if not better.

[Dako]

No kidding!

 

There a millions of guys in the world, and this guy isn't the only good one.

I've always felt I'd be alone forever, but life has other plans.

[Bethany]

At our xmas do we were getting on really well and we talked a little about serious things and he told me he didn't love his wife anymore.

 

Forgive me but isn't that just the absolute cliche of how a married man starts an affair? There's got to be more to life that than being second best to a woman whose husband cheats on her, even if it is with you. You deserve better, she deserves better and he deserves neither of you.