You want her attention? Then listen up...

[river dog]

My ex g/f knocked on my door yesterday. I opened the door and she leapt into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist and kissing me.

 

How did this happen? NC for 6 weeks, then very light contact for 5 months. She flaked on me twice so I set a boundary and didn't ask her out again. But most importantly, I got on with my life as if she wasn't in it and it didn't matter (of course it did but she doesn't know that).

 

To quote another source:

 

It doesn't have to be this way. The single best way to make a girl who has lost interest is NOT to appeal to logic, NOT to get upset, NOT to mention former promises left unkept. The BEST way is to live your life to the fullest! As a corollary you can even "accidentally" let her know through your friends that you are living it up! What do I mean by living it up? That is up to you. For some guys it would mean having many woman they can date at any given time. Others a promotion. Others starting their own business.

 

Live your life to the fullest, focus on improving YOURSELF, let her "find out" about it, be seen with attractive women and powerful people.

 

Then when SHE calls you wondering "whats up?? " you will have all the power

 

1. I stopped with the silly mind games (they always backfire).
   
2. I started renovating my house.
   
3. I stopped trying for a date with her.
   
4. I did not completely ignore her.
   
5. I wished her a Merry Christmas on Christmas Day and a Happy New Year on New Year's Eve (but no cards, no presents).
   
6. I didn't beg.
   
7. I asked for nothing.
   
8. I held out no expectations of an outcome with her.
   
9. I asked no questions and applied no pressure.
   
10. I made sure she knew I was around but out of sight.
    
11. I started a couple of new business ventures.
    
12. I dated other women.
    
13. I made new friends.
    
14. Yep, I also lost weight, worked out and bought new clothes.
    
15. I went with my feelings and watched where they took me.
    
16. I was upbeat and cheerful if I bumped into her.
    
17. Noticed and appreciated the abundance in the world around me.
    

 

So she called around yesterday for a "what's up?" check and we got very friendly. No, I have not texted or called her since. I realise it was a test, she's feeling me out.

 

No, we are not back together but I have her attention.

 

I do not expect a "let's try again" speech. I have never heard one of those. I do expect her to make even more effort and I'll let you know about anything worth knowing.

 

So, I leave you with this story and hope it helps someone.

 

My main references: (lifestyle) "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Prof. Glover, (understanding) Google for the word "limerance" (there are similarities in rejection to unrequited love), (soul food) "Conversations With God" by Neale Donald Walsch.

[pinkelephant]

hi. this is a good post, but isn't doing that to get her attention playing mind games?

 

& how do you do this?

"I made sure she knew I was around but out of sight."

[BeStrongBeHappy]

umm... this could be the beginning of a reconciliation, or it could just be her being a flake! leaping into the arms of someone who you have broken up with and haven't even talked to about it is a little extreme, and sounds a bit bi-polar... what if you had another date there? or a back injury?

 

you may have her attention, but for how long? she could be having a little sport with you, then off to date someone else later on...

 

my suggestion is that you really TALK to someone if you want a relationship with them... otherwise it can be a neverending series of games and flirtation that doesn't really go anywhere...

[river dog]

hi. this is a good post, but isn't doing that to get her attention playing mind games?

 

I didn't do it to get her attention. I gave up the games. That is my point.

 

& how do you do this?

"I made sure she knew I was around but out of sight

 

We live in a small community. She drives a small van around here and I didn't hide from her or her friends, the odd text i.e. I didn't drop off the face of the Earth after NC.

 

This was my plan to deal with it NOT to get her back and I haven't got her back, just her attention.

 

But I guess if you did follow a plan like this to get her attention then it would be a game and probably backfire

 

For me, I make progress on both fronts, me and me & her. Some will disagree.

[itsallgrand]

Do you want her back?

 

I agree with BeStrongBeHappy that her jumping into your arms like that was weird.

 

Thinking that if my ex did something like that at this point I'd be going "What the heck are you doing? Stop it, hoser."

Wouldn't make me mad (anymore). Wouldn't give me hope. It would be kinda funny though!

 

You do want her back. Yes?

[river dog]

I didn't find it too weird, it was funny but my sporadic texts were dynamite (my prices are very reasonable if you are interested )

 

Do I want her back? Ahh, the head says one thing, the heart another.

 

Honestly, I am not ready to try again with her. I have things to do and I would need to know some more stuff about her. A chaotic person is by definition unmanageable and the effects can be very hurtful.

 

She is not bi-polar but she may be a flake. Then again it might have been bad timing 6 months ago. It happens.

 

Me? I try to stay optimistic in matters of the heart. A "love will find a way" kind of guy and at 50 years old, not much is going to change that perception now.

 

There were many, many times when I so wanted her to bang on my door and she is not the first ex to do so. I am sure I am not the only one here to think that.

 

Yeah, I still love her but you heard the old observation here "they know when you are getting over them and moving on for that is when they return"?

[itsallgrand]

Yayy, riverdog!

 

I like your honesty.

 

She came back and gave you a perfect 'oh i still love you let's get back together' opening....and you stood strong in yourself.

 

Right on for you. Best wishes in the next installment.