Problem with my boss

[Rabican]

Ok time for some advice for me. Im normally here tossing my two cents around like anyone wants to hear it. But I need some advice.

 

Im going to try and keep this brief, and if anyone wants some details to clarify anything... just ask. Also Im not really putting this in any sort of order, so just bear with me.

 

Ive been working for my boss (my cousin) for 10 years. He owns his own business, and I am just a normal employee there. Im making decent money, about 35k last year. Decent money, but not great. I have a lot of bills, which I can pay, but that doesnt leave much money left over. My girl whom lives with me has a lot of her own bills, and is currently without work. She is great, but cannot help out much financially at the moment.

 

Now my problem, is that my boss is extremely angry/ frustrating/ impossible to deal with. he gets mad, and I mean MAD over the smallest things. He swears at everyone (me included), he has OCD really badly so he obsesses over everything. If I make one little mistake its like the end of the world. He will reduce the number of paid days off I get when I screw up anything for example.

An example of him getting mad over little things... I called him one day while he was out of town because I was having trouble with something at the office. I spent maybe 5 minutes on the phone with him, but because I interrupted him he was furious. He spent the rest of the day in a rage, and didnt get anything done because of a 5 minute interruption. Then he blamed it all on me, because it was my fault for calling him when he was busy.

So tonite he asked me to do him a favor and order something for him on ebay. I bid on the item, and was watching it all evening to make sure I got it. With 3 minutes to go, someone outbid me, and went past my bosses maximum bid. I had asked how much he wanted to spend, he said x amount. It went past that, I made the call to keep bidding higher, it kept going higher... finally the bid ended. He FLIPPED because I didnt win the auction. It was all my fault for waiting until the last minute to bid (even though the other guy was the one that jumped in on the last minute bid). Blamed me for not calling him to see if I should bid more. I called him and his phone was off. Then he started swearing at me for being a know it all, and arguing about the whole thing when I was wrong. Basically called me every name in the book. If it was up to me, Id just quit right now, or knock his teeth out. but I have some time left on my lease, no money in the bank and my girl is out of work. I have like 18 dollars left until monday when I get paid. So I cant really afford to lose my job atm.

Jeez... this is getting long.

So this sort of thing has been ongoing, and I think tomorrow Im going to see him and find out that Im not getting any paid days off, or that Im not going to be getting a bonus, or something or other like that. If thats the case, I guess Ill just have to realize that if I ever make a mistake (and I will, Im human) its going to be like stepping on a landmine. Hes going to make a huge deal of it. Im just thinking that its only a matter of time before I get fired over nothing. Not to mention, he has no respect for me.

 

I guess my question was what should I do... but after typing that Im thinking I should just find a second job... save some money and get out of here.

The root of my dilema by the way, is that I dont have a college education or anything, so its going to be very hard to find the money Im making at the moment without some luck, or schooling or both. Also Im living 1000 miles from home really. My girl and I moved away from home to be here and Im overpaying big time for rent and stuff to be here. So If I quit, Ive got to find a new place to live, new job, still have money to pay my bills and get all my stuff packed & get home... just seems a daunting task at the moment. Plus my lease is up in 2 months... I dont see any way to save the money I need to get out between now and then. Right now I really dont want to resign for a year lease either.

 

Advice anyone?

[friscodj]

Hey Rabican-

 

Well, I think you should do two things. First, you should definitely start looking for another job. You want some knowledge of other employment options so you can better determine a direction when you deal with your boss. Take a week or two, spend some time each day looking for something else. And you may find something surprising. Use whatever methods available, Internet, newspaper, and especially networking within your field. I'd keep this on the down-low from your cousin/boss if possible for now.

 

Once you have a clear idea of other options, it's time to have a serious sit-down with your boss. Actually, I would first approach him as your cousin, letting him know you notice these negative changes in his behavior and you would like to know what's going on as a family member. Depending on what you find in your part-time job search, you may be able to throw some weight around a bit if it comes down to it, saying you have other opportunities lined up and are ready to pursue them if something isn't done regarding the current situation. If not, your "weight" will have to come from logically and diplomatically approaching this problem and using the "family card" in trying to find out what is going on with him. At any rate, you need to directly approach this situation and hash through it, focusing on the job and not other outside B.S. Keep it professionally personal, if that makes sense.

 

The problem here is that you may very well genuinely need this job. We need food, water, and shelter and it looks like whatever job you have is the only means to those ends right now. So in many respects, you will need to suck this situation up for a bit anyway, until some resolution is found using one or both of the approaches above.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

This boss/"cousin" of yours is definitely pooping all over you.

 

And you know what? In all likelihood, you cannot change who he is or what he is like. Sounds like he has some serious anger issues, and I highly doubt that sitting down and giving him a talking to will really do anything. Maybe he'll be "good" for about a week, but then he'll probably resort back to his old behaviors.

 

But you CAN quit your job and find something else. In my opinion, 35k is not worth the nuances.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello rabican,

 

It sounds as though your cousin/boss has a low self-esteem issue. "How can this be?" you ask. Well, maybe in his childhood he was continuously picked on by someone, usually a parent.(ie) "Can't you do anything right?" "Why can't you be more like your sister?"etc... So, to compensate for this, he will become a pushy controlling SOB and "boss" others around. (Especially those like family who he feels will not just ignore him or 86 him from their life.)

 

Realize, that this is usually done subconsciously, and the pushy controller is the last one to realize how they are, much less why.

 

I have had some success in telling the person what I have said here... point blank. Believe it or not, instead of getting angry or telling me to buzz off, they see it as a revelation.

 

Now, you might want to wait until you get yourself situated, and I think that friscodi has given you some very good advice on getting yourself into a new situation. Be patient for now, and just suck it in.

 

I thought you might like to know a possible answer as to why your cousin is like this. Knowledge is power.

 

Good luck

 

Jeff

[Rabican]

This boss/"cousin" of yours is definitely pooping all over you.

 

And you know what? In all likelihood, you cannot change who he is or what he is like. Sounds like he has some serious anger issues, and I highly doubt that sitting down and giving him a talking to will really do anything. Maybe he'll be "good" for about a week, but then he'll probably resort back to his old behaviors.

 

But you CAN quit your job and find something else. In my opinion, 35k is not worth the nuances.

 

hes not going to change... Ive been down this road with him before. he treats his mom the same way. Hes always flipping out on her or me, or someone else over something. Its never gonna end as far as I can see.

 

I can quit, but then im screwed. Im making about 15.00 an hour. From what I have seen, thats pretty good around here. Ive asked a lot of people at various businesses what they make, or what they pay, and most people are making less. Sure if I had a degree or something that would be different. BUt I dont, and I cannot put my rent payment on hold until something comes along. Not to mention... the $17.00 I have in the bank isnt really going to stretch very far once I dont have a source of income.

[friscodj]

I'd say if you can make close to what you are making now, line up a new job and quit your current job. You'll just have to tighten up until you adjust to the new lifestyle, which is a better choice in my opinion than sticking around in a situation like this that most likely given what you just wrote here, won't improve. Besides, you can't put a price tag on better treatment.