Please, need advice quick to get my girlfriend back!

[mrees0077]

Hi!!!

 

My girlfriend and i broke up 2 months ago because there were liitle things that had been mounting up that annoyed my lady (my fault). She dumped me saying there ws no hope in getting back together... i wrote her a letter 2 weeks later and she rang me up immediately asking me to meet up to talk. We met and then we got back together, promising her i wouldn't act like such a d*ck and promising her to her to put her first instead of myself all the time.

 

Anyway... Everything was going fine (the odd little disagreement here and there, but nothing big)... until a week ago where we were meant to go down to the coast together to spend the night together. I'd been away to see my family in Spain twice in August and didn't take my girlfriend because she was either working or there wasn't enough space to put her in my familys home (plus she couldn't speak spanish). So as she hadn't been on holiday since we got back from Cancun in June, she was really looking forward to going away and spending some time together. What happened was that i was due to have a job interview the next day (after our night down the coast), and i knew about it 2 weeks in advance and i thought it would be okay (as she really wanted to do things during the day and go to bars in the evening), thinking the interview would be a 30 minute thing. But... 2 days before i found out that the interview was going to be very intense and that i had to do some reading before hand. I then thought that going to the coast would not be the best thing...

 

I told her at lunch when we went out that it was best that we left it for the next weekend, she was devastated, i could see it in her face but she took it well and said okay. I told her i would have to read all day (day before the interview) and that thats why i couldn't make it. Anyway got to the day before and instead of revising all day, i only did 2 hours then spent the rest of the day with her infornt of the TV. She was not too pleased and asked why we had to cancel our day to spend the day watching TV. I tried to explain to her also that i had to be physically and mentally prepared for it and going out all day and night was not the best thing. So, went down for the interview (which was next to the coast) with her, i dropped her off in town so she could go shopping and i went off. Picked her up 45 minutes late as the interview was much longer than i thought and thats where it all started...

 

She was in a mood with me and woanted me to drop her off home (instead of being with me) as she was tired and did not feel 100%, so i did. Tried to contact her all day and she ignored all phone calls and text messages (i got through once on her home number but was very cold and didn't really want to talk to me, was a very quick conversation). Next day i rang her on her work number (which she has told me not too, but as she wasn't answering her mobile...) and was not impressed, spoke to her and she said it was over... finito!! I text her asking her to speak to her and she said that she would call me at lunch. Instead i went to her work... she rang me and i said i was outside her work. She came out and she seemed okay, she said that she still loved but didn't know if she wanted to be with a jerk like me (for cancelling Brighton when she was SO looking forward to it), said that she would call me tonight as she didn't know what she wanted and needed some space. We kissed and left it like that...

 

She asked me not to pick her up as she could manage, but i still went to pick her up (she had told me 1000 times in the past not to pick her up but ended up having a go at me saying that i should have tried to at least surprise her and pick her up) but didn't look too impressed. That same day i had sent her some flowers to work and when she got in the car i gave her a CD she really wanted. She quite liked the CD... but when driving back to hers i asked her if we could try sort things out and got very emotional saying that what she wanted was not flowers and CDs but to have fun in her life and i didn't give her that (referring to the cancelation of going to the coast for the day). I dropped her home and she still invited me in (her mum was in) and asking if i wanted something to eat. In her house she closed herself off, refused to listen to me and stated saying to me (in an angry voice) that she didn't love me (thats after she told me she did that same afternoon) and to leave her house... so i did.

 

For the next 2 days i texted her. First she said (the next day) that we would talk in the eveing after work on the phone and i replied back saying that if it was okay for me to book the Saturday night away so we could sort things out. She said no and for me to realise that we were no longer together. The thing s that the next day after that she was due a pregnancy test as she was 2 weeks over-due!!! I asked her that i really wanted to be there for the test but initially said that it was none of my business now. I said it was because i love her and she replied back saying sorry for being so harsh to me but that anything i say won't change that it is over...

 

I rang her the next day asking her if she had had thetest and that i would still like to go with her, i left a message as she didn't answer the phone. Found out at mid-day via the text message that it was okay, what she said was:

 

"Hey, i've taken the test. Came out negative, was worrying over nothing"

 

When i got the message i tried to contact her straight away to try and talk to her but didn't pick the phone up. I left a message to her saying that i was very happy on the results and that if we could meet up during the weekend so that we could talk and sort things out... she didn't reply back. That same day i sent her a txt in the eveing saying the same... she replied back 2 seconds later (via text) saying:

 

"No thanx. Its best that we leave it"

 

I made the big mistake to text her back late eveing (2am to be precise) saying that i knew she was angry with me because i had cancelled out trip away but that i loved her... etc!!! and that i hoped she could give me a chance so we could sort things out as what happened was a one-off thing because of my interview. She didn't reply back, that was 2 days ago...

 

 

Last time we broke up i wrote her a letter (2 weeks after we broke up) and that worked, she rang me up and we were back together. I'm thinking of doing the same now but the only problem is that she is off on holiday in a weeks time (she still doesn't know who to go with, as i couldn't do it and doesn't know where to go). So do i send her a letter before she goes so she can have time during her time off to think about the things i have said in the letter or do it after she gets back?

 

Can i get her back? I mean last time was lots of small things, now this time its one big thing... i knwo she does love me, no one can just suddenly stop loving you after 3 days after being together for 1 year and after the previous days she was saying to me how much she loved me and how much i meant to her...

 

Do you think the pregnancy thing had any influence in her dumping me? But if it had why is she still doesn't want to see me now she knows the result is negative?

 

Also last time i left it for 2 weeks before i wrote a letter, do you think i should do the same or is it not necessary as the situation is different from before.

 

Please help me... i need you advice!!!!

 

mrees0077

 

P.S.: I will post the letter (THE LETTER) to so you can have a look at what you think and suggest any changes you may think is necessary.

 

 

[Superfly81]

What a story...some books are easier to read.

 

Anyway, I got throught;

 

My advice is to leave it as it is for now. The letter worked the first time, but won't this time. She knows if she responds positive to that everything will be as it used to be...and end the way it ended in the past.

 

Try another trick, try to wait. I am a member at a great site, and they had some similar advice; here it is:

 

Hello Mr L. In a previous mail you advised me to withdraw and get on with my life. I tried, but…

 

The month apart has elapsed and she's made no contact, after months of fighting at the end of what had been a great two year relationship.

 

My hearts torn, she's treated me badly but i now see everything that was wrong and right with our relationship. When we last spoke i told her that she would have to do the running if she wanted me, that the ball was in her court that i loved her and wanted her. She needed to figure out what she wanted. I've gone a month without contacting her, I still love her. I don't want to be kicking myself in years for not chasing the one. What should I do?

 

I leave for Europe in two weeks, thats gonna put more than a geographic barier between us, I'll be gone for three months. One part of me thinks I shouldn't tell her that I'm going, continue to cut all ties while one part is saying give her one last try, tell her how you feel, that I've gotten on with my life and I'm still hers and still wanting her? What do I do? I was just about to call her when I logged on to the site.........don't want to regret not getting in touch?

 

Ben, who's lost.

 

IF she wanted you, she's had the time to contact you. Girls are not the aggressors, men are. But this is only in the beginning of the relationship, before it starts actually. Women are the dominant type in the relationships. If she wants you back, she'll let you know. No need to tell her you are still waiting. That will only push her away.

 

The thing is, next time you are in a situation like this one, don't let her know you will be waiting. If she knows that, you give her all the time of the world to figure out wether or not she wants you. Hey, she can even date a few other men and see if they are better than you. Then, in the end, she can go back to you, because you will be waiting.

 

This is not what you want of course. You chase the one before you have a relationship with her. Once you've had one, and it's over, it stays over unless she says it is not.

 

Girls never break up with you unless they are sure they do not want you anymore. If they ever come back, it's because they need some extra attention or sex. Take a look at your friends and try to find out how many couples got back together after the girl broke up, and are still in a happy relationship. I bet my money on it you won't be able to give me examples that are worth mentionning.

 

So get on with your live. Find the next one, believe me, she exists. There are tons of them. And if, if she decides she misses you too much she'll be back anyway. If she doesn't, you're better of without her anyway.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Mr L.

[mrees0077]

Do you think there is much chance of us getting back together... even though we have been through this once already?

 

 

[strawberrywine]

I don't think this girl has any right to treat you this way...you had a job interview that was important to you, so you wanted to be completely prepared.. Why doesn't she care enough about you to understand that? And then she has the nerve to be upset when you are 45 minutes late picking her up... It sounds to me that she really doesn't care, and she's taking advantage of the fact that you're in love with her and you'll always come back to her. I really wouldn't chase her because even if she does come back she knows she has you whipped, and she can treat you however she wants and you'll come back.

 

You said that all the little things were all your fault. Think about all the little arguments..were they REALLY your fault? Is that reasonable to say she was completely perfect and you were the big screw up? I think maybe your love for her has you a bit brainwashed..

 

I would suggest you stop contacting her. Make her see that you are fine without her and you won't always run back to her.

[HiMyNameIsBrian__HeHe]

um im a guy and i even know thats a mistake bro. she obviously spent alot of daydreamin on this trip.If you knew about it two weeks in advance why didn't you tell her?

[mrees0077]

The thing is she is 21 and i am 26... she's only ever been with one other guy before and that was for 4 months, we've been together for 11 months...

 

She can be very insucure (even with her looks, she could easily be a model) and needs attention to make her feel better. Because of that anything bad i might say (even if its a joke) she will times it by 10 and make it much worse.

 

We've spoken about marriage...etc. I know she is the one for me and deep down i think she knows i am the one for her but doesn't want to say to me so not to give me that satisfaction that she will be an easy ride (in the none biblical sense) because i know i can have her. She basically wants me to work for it and not think i have her rapped round my finger.

 

The day we finished it (in the evning), that same afternoon she told me she still loved me...

 

If she still loves me, and no one can fall out of love in half a day especially after 11 months (even though in 6 hours she changed her mind), there must be some hope, even if it is small....??????????