Do abusive guys return?

[gabbyfox]

My ex & I have been broken up for going on 4 months now.

I haven't heard a word from him so far. He was very jealous,

very controlling,& pushed for a commitment before I was ready

for it. He's hurt me so much already & we have broken up & got

back together many times,but I hope this cycle is over with now.

He left when he got offended by something I said,because he had

bit me in the middle of the night,& acted like nothing had ever

happened the next day,so I was distant from him and suggested

that we part for awhile. I think he bit me because I was playing

with him when he was kissing me. I just said,"Oh' so your a biter

huh? just playing & being my playful self,& he said: " Trust me,if

I wanted to bite you,you would definitely know the difference!!!

Well,we went to sleep & he bites me during the night.

I got worried that he would keep getting mean with me,so I

wanted to think about whether I should be with him or not!

He has pushed me down once & called me a bad name,but hadn't

done it again. We were together 7 months,but his temper was

getting worse and he felt like he was being insulted when he wasn't

and I was getting worried about it.

He hasn't called me,emailed,or anything so is it likely that he's moved

on? This is the longest he's ever left me,so I think it could be that

he's found another girl now? He's been gone almost 4 months now.

He was so jealous it was creepy too!

Any advise anyone? Is he really gone for good now?

[gabbyfox]

also,He had admitted he has tried a drug called ICE,and that he

saw people in his family treat one another with disrespect and

they did drugs around him while he was growing up!

My friends think he might come back out of the blue because of

his controlling ways,but me,I think he could be gone for good now

since this is the first time he's been gone so long!

[agualibre777]

From my experience and talking to others... they *always* reappear. It's just a matter of time. My abusive ex sent me lots of emails about how he loved me. He would resurface every now and then. It wasn't until I said "If you really love me, then you'll leave me alone" that he finally stopped. That the last time he contacted me and was in September. We broke up in July of 2005.

[yeawutever]

Even if he appears again, don't ever go back to him. Abusive people don't changed, even if they were to get intensive therapy/counseling service, they would still have aggressive urges.

[CarnelianButterfly]

It really doesn't matter if he's moved on, the real thing you should be worried about is healing and moving on yourself. Put him out of your mind, if he comes back, so what, you've got better things to do then worry if the person you trust isn't really trust worthy. He will probably try to get you back, but you need to stop the cycle, take care of yourself and protect yourself from being abused. I think you might benefit from seeing a counselor for women from abusive relationships.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

He sounds more than abusive, he sound like either has mental problems (biting you then saying he doesn't) or else under the influence of drugs... depending on his problem, he could have gone further into mental illness and be dealing with that (and forgotten about you), or who knows where he has disappeared too with drug problems...

 

Abusive people will eventually leave you alone if they find someone else to focus on rather than you, if they are locked up in jail, if they go to live far away and find other things to focus on than you... but some seriously mentally ill people are truly obsessive, and it doesn't end except with treatment with anti-obsession drugs, therapy, or when they lock them up permanently.

 

So if he has totally dropped out of sight, and maybe has a new girlfriend (or someone else to obsess on) you may be free and clear...

 

If he is gone, consider yourself lucky, and maybe move to a new place so he will have a hard time fidning you again should he try to... but it does sound like he has moved on, or been locked up somewhere...

[gabbyfox]

Thanx everyone! He hasn't totally dropped out of sight,his family has

mentioned him on occasion if they see my family & so on,but I take the

fact he has not tried to contact me himself as a good sign.

[gabbyfox]

I do want counseling because I did feel some trauma from the

strange behavior. We tend to think that most people are civil if

thats what we're use to being around,but when someone you

thought cared for you does it,it's very bad,shocking,and very

confusing to say the least.

[gabbyfox]

I once thought that rapists were strangers for the most part.

I know that now they can be anyone!