Shyness or just don't care anymore

[cpc28655]

If you have read some of my other posts, you are probably aware that I am recently divorced after a year of seperation (1 year seperation is required in North Carolina). I have found it extremely difficult to start dating again. I have never really been a shy person when it comes to women. I have always understood that women are human beings with the same basic feelings, needs, and flaws as men. However, I have noticed a change in my attitude over the last year. I have not dated once since me and my exwife split. Last night, a good friend of mine asked me why I haven't dated. I thought about it, and realized that I still don't feel nervous around women. The only answer I can give him is that "I just haven't." Have I just quit caring?

[poloplayer]

Hi,

 

Have I just quit caring?

 

It's possible. Only you would know the answer to that.

 

I've never been married, but was close to it once before. After that break-up I did party and date to try and move on, but it got old very fast for me. Many of the girls I dated afterwards were fun, but I wasn't looking for fun - not even with a 10. I'm not sure what I was looking for exactly. The pain was still lingering, and I knew I needed to place my focus elsewhere. I was emotionally unavailable, eventhough I was meeting women. They wanted to have fun, get to know me, fool around, etc., and I just didn't care.

 

So....I decided to drop it and focus on other things such as work, studies, working out, hobbies, etc. I also bonded more with some old pals, as well as new friends. I decided to just give up dating for a while because my heart was not in it.

 

Funny you mention shy. I dated a woman for a couple weeks during this time, and one day when we were out she says to me "are you a shy guy?" trying to stir me up. I'm far from shy. I'm just not feeling this. I said "no" and just walked away.

 

Maybe take some time off - you might just be reeling from the pain of the seperation and are not ready yet. Place your focus elsewhere for the time being. I don't recommend that you should date people to move on, eventhough so many claim that's the route to take. If you're not ready, then there is nothing wrong with taking a break. In time you will decide to warm up to dating again. And you never know, you just might meet someone special while you are not actually dating.

[Dako]

A year isn't very long after a divorce situation, especially if that marriage meant something to you. Friends who broke up from casual flings have no clue.

 

You sound wiser than those who throw themselves into dating to get over it. Better to think it over, recover and date because you want a woman's company. Rebounds aren't fun.

 

Someday you'll be glad you took time for yourself.

[zerohalo]

I tend to agree with Dako. I made a post just today about how I was nervous about asking a woman out (first time since the separation/divorce). I got shot down, which I think actually was a good thing. I feel like I got it out of my system, and I realize that perhaps I was jumping the gun.

 

I now get why some of my friends have said that you'll just know when you're ready to date again. I can feel that I'm not ready, and it could just be that you're in the same spot.

[cpc28655]

I tend to agree with Dako. I made a post just today about how I was nervous about asking a woman out (first time since the separation/divorce). I got shot down, which I think actually was a good thing. I feel like I got it out of my system, and I realize that perhaps I was jumping the gun.

 

I now get why some of my friends have said that you'll just know when you're ready to date again. I can feel that I'm not ready, and it could just be that you're in the same spot.

 

That's just it. I don't feel nervous at all. I'ts almost a feeling of resentment.

[zerohalo]

Ok, that's good that you can recognize it. My example was more geared towards the fact that perhaps you weren't ready, but it sounds like maybe you already know what the problem is, or at least part of it.

 

Is it that you resent women, or is it that you resent dating itself?

[Dako]

I was dumped once and didn't date a woman for three years.

It was a peaceful experience. I just wanted to be free of all the drama.