Should I make a move or not?

[warhuhwow]

I have a friend I've known for nearly ten years. In the last few years we've been apart at different unis so haven't seen each other much.

 

I went to see her at the end of last year and feelings developed. I posted extensively on here (under a different username that I've since had to abandon) and the general concensus was that signs from her were good, it's likely she was feeling the same. My best friend observed the pair of us and he thinks it's mutual too.

 

I'm going to see her in a week and was planning to make my move then. However when she was here last month, she mentioned to me and my friend her plan to ask out someone else. I didn't read into it too much, I kinda hoped she was saying it to get a reaction out of me

 

She's just got back from a trip with her friends.

 

On one hand, they've all been using this expression excessively. It happens to be an expression I said to my friend fleetingly, and she picked up on it and thought it was funny. Now people I don't even know are saying it all the time.

 

On the other hand, her friend just left a comment on her facebook implying that in two weeks time, she's going to be adding a certain person - the guy my friend said she planned on asking out.

 

So now I'm stuck. Do I make my move or not? Remember, we've been friends for ten years. It's feeling that MAYBE she does have feelings towards me, versus MAYBE she doesn't and is only interested in this other guy.

[chai714]

war,

 

Do you know how to read body language? Usually it's a reliable indicator of whether or not she's attracted to you which will determine whether or not you should make a move on her. I don't think it's wise to decide (beforehand) whether you're going to make a move or not. This should be a situational strategy you play, not a premeditated one.

 

Note: this same strategy has worked for me with women. I usually read their body language throughout the course of our conversation to see if it's a "go" or "no-go."

 

Good luck.

[hosswhispra]

 

So now I'm stuck. Do I make my move or not? Remember, we've been friends for ten years. It's feeling that MAYBE she does have feelings towards me, versus MAYBE she doesn't and is only interested in this other guy.

 

This is a toughie. You aren't sure if the guy she wants to ask out is definitely you. Can you prod her friend a bit? It's a bigger risk than normal because you have this 10 year friendship that on one hand you are worried about risking--on the other hand if she's thinking of you in a romantic sense a 10 year friendship prior to romantic relationship is an awesome foundation. Go with your gut and try to prod her friend a bit.

[warhuhwow]

Chai, yes I'm pretty good with body language. However, this girl is good at confusing me with that! I'll expand a little:

 

After school finished, I didn't see her for eight months (two years ago). Here, her body language was very clear. Had I made a move, she would've reciprocated. I didn't make a move because I'd just come out of a difficult period. Two weeks later, I met the girl who would become my girlfriend.

 

Then when I saw my friend a couple of months ago - for the first time in a year and having just split up with my girlfriend - her body language was again clear at first. However, nothing happened again as I was still messed up by my breakup. Since then, her body language has been mixed. When we hug, she hugs very tightly though. It could be that if she does have feelings for me, I'm totally giving her the idea I'm not interested so she's "cooling off" and being less blatant or whatever.

 

Hoss, I could prod her friend, but it would have to be via email. It doesn't matter what I say, I think she would tell her if I emailed. Obviously if I get a reply saying she doesn't think she's interested in me and THEN tells her friend, then that's things messed up.

 

And I KNOW the guy she plans on asking out isn't me - I know nothing about him except that he has a strange hair colour, which is how he was described both when my friend said she was planning on asking him out, and her friend's facebook post.

[hosswhispra]

Wow a lot of missed chances!

 

Reading what you wrote above--well, to me sounds like it might be worth taking a risk. It would be horrible if she had feelings for you (but did not know you felt similarly for her) and then she wound up with the guy with the strange hair color. Strike while the iron is hot. No more missed opportunities!

[warhuhwow]

Update! My friend responded to her friend, saying she doesn't think she's regretted anything as much in her life.

 

I have no idea what that means - she could've asked the guy out already and he declined, or something along those lines. It could just mean she told her friends about the guy with crazy hair and they keep teasing her about it.

 

Nevertheless, for some reason this has given me more confidence to make my move. Don't know why!