7 months.. and somehow she enters my mind.

[Silentlyfor]

I don't know if I'm just a psychopath or something but these days, I can't get my ex out of my mind. It's been 7 months since we were last together. I seem to have trouble moving on because I'm constantly thinking of her and what she is doing all the time.

 

It's not painful anymore. My raw emotional wounds closed off about 2 - 2 1/2 months ago. But I find myself thinking about what she is doing right now, how happy she is and... well... the real reason she left me. It's not sadness anymore but regret. I feel I missed out when we parted from each other. This started generally around Christmas time and after I heard from my ex-best friend that she was getting married soon.

 

She was not good to me at all. She was emotionally abusive(constantly threatened to break up with me constantly, mocked me, insulted me in public, etc.) and she never listened to me or my concerns during the relationship. Yet, I still think I'm not going to find anybody else. I keep feeling like she was my only chance to find somebody to be happy with.

 

I'm not going to contact her, although I frequently have fantasies of giving her the 'what for' for what she put me through during the relationship and the harassment soon afterward by her. I don't want to ever see her again and I probably won't. Yet... I still can't help by think about her even to this day. I even remember I was going to ask her to marry me after I was done my therapy.

 

Why? Will this end? How long will I remain wounded for?

[friscodj]

Hey red-

 

It's OK my friend, your feelings are normal. You are not a psychopath!

 

Realize you are making progress. You say "It's not painful anymore". That is progress my friend and given some more time and more distance from her and the situation, the thoughts and feelings you are having now will follow suit.

 

And read your 3rd paragraph again,

 

She was not good to me at all. She was emotionally abusive(constantly threatened to break up with me constantly, mocked me, insulted me in public, etc.) and she never listened to me or my concerns during the relationship. Yet, I still think I'm not going to find anybody else. I keep feeling like she was my only chance to find somebody to be happy with.

 

Not only will you meet someone and have a relationship again, when you are ready, but I can't see how it could not be 100 times better than this. And until that happens, being single is 100 times better than this as well, which you will realize, again, with more time and distance with this.

 

This will end and you are healing. Why is this happening? Because the situation with her affected you on very deep levels in a potpourri of ways, good and bad, and the memories of this are still fresh. You simply got too wrapped up in a very emotional albeit unhealthy situation that threw your emotional guidance system out of whack. But with time and distance, the switches will get reset and you'll head in the right direction.

 

What would be beneficial for you would be to explore the reasons why you stayed in such an obviously abusive and otherwise unhealthy situation, even planning marriage, and probably laced with a lot of guilt, blame, and otherwise insecurity on your part. It would be very good to explore this to help make future relationships better and find peace with this past one in finding some lasting positivity from it in giving it reason for motivation to better understand yourself in this way.