I don't know what to do...

[Dan629]

Hi,

 

My name is Dan and I am new to this Forum. I recently had my g/f break up with me and I guess I just need someone to talk to and some helpful advice. We were together for 3yrs. It hurts so bad because we were so happy together for a while. There was a point where she was so afraid of losing me that she would do anything in the world for me. That all changed though. It then became me being afraid of losing her. We were together for 2yrs and we decided to get our own place. We had been through a lot with my family and fighting with them and all so we had to get away from them and get out on our own. Then about 3 months after we moved in together I found out she was talking to another guy she worked with. It broke my heart. I did a little investigating and found out it was nothing more than some flirting. That still didn't make it right but I loved her so much that I forgave her and we were able to move on with our lives. After the fact I kinda watched her closely to make sure she was really going to "spend the rest of her life making it up to me". And to my surprise I realized she was telling the truth. We still had our little fights and all but for the most part we were happy again. Then about 3 months ago we started fighting way too much. She broke up with me and moved in with her sister. We were apart for a month but the whole time I think we both knew we would end up back together. And we did. It was so great when she came back because we both realized how much we missed each other and needed each other. I never felt so good in my life before. I finally felt for the first time that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this woman and that she wanted the same thing. We began talking about getting married and having a child together. Everything was so perfect. Until one day I woke up and she was ready to leave again. It was so confusing and I was so heart broken. I didn't want to believe was I was hearing because it hurt so bad. The main problem was that I think I realized that this time it was for real. She just had that sound in her voice and that look in her eyes like she was done. Its been 2 weeks now since that day and I have only talked to her maybe three times. Since we broke up she has started hanging out with some of her old friends. Which made me realize that, that was one of the reasons for her wanting to be alone. The problem is that some of these people she hangs out with are not good people. She has changed... She now talks like she is from the ghetto or something and she is not. It breaks my heart every time I hear it come out of her mouth. I know it isn't her it's just the people she is around coming out in her. It's such a shame because she is such a good person and she has potential to be so much more. I want to help her become more but now I can't. She says she is confused and needs to get her life together thats why she broke up with me but she isn't doing that. I am afraid her life is going to take a bad turn soon and I don't want to see it happen. I want her back so bad so I can help guide her to achieve in life like I did before. I love her to death and I don't know how to get her back. She is becoming someone I don't like and it is breaking my heart. What should I do?.. I know she still loves me but she has people in her ears telling her not to be with me I know it. She is so good hearted but she makes bad decisions. She was my first love and my first and only in bed as well. I want it to stay like that but I fear that I am going to have to move on and be with someone else someday which scares me... I want her back so bad.....

[Vynde]

Hello Dan,

 

Welcome to ENA. I’m sorry that you have to be here like this, but I can assure you that this is the right place.

 

I know your feeling very hurt right now, which is normal. It’s hard to imagine living a life without the one you love... It’s, like you said, a scary thought.

 

As hard as it is and as heart broken as you feel, I would try your best to stay positive and keep very busy.

 

I know you want her back, you love her. However, you can’t force anything.

 

I know for me, when my wife left, I was heart broken like you. It was hard to understand, since I had conversations very similar to yours.

 

I’m not gonna say she wont come back. I don’t know that and to be honest, it’s not up to you. Just like it’s not up to me when it comes to my wife.. It’s a choice they made.

 

Take it one day at a time. Do you have friends and/or family that you can see? I know for me, they were a big help.

 

I think you should keep posting, listen to what the great people at this site have to say..

 

Hang in my friend.

 

John

[boosted4life84]

Dan, it seems as though you and I are in somewhat of the same situation. I know it is hard, but from what I have gathered, is it is in YOUR best interest to not think about her. I know you care about her, and you want the best for her. Right now, the best for her, is for you to let her learn on her own. You can't help but love someone, but sometimes you've got to just let life take its course.

[heloladies21]

Best thing you could do at this point friend is go into NC so you can get in control of your emotions again. You're not helping the situation any in your current condition. Once you feel like you're strong enough to deal with the situation rationally, then you can decide if you want to get back in touch with her. But until then stay out of touch.

[Dan629]

Well When we first broke up I did that.. Me and her didn't talk for over a week and I started feeling a little better. But then when I talked to her the other day and found out what kind of things she was doing and all it made me want her back even more. It's so hard because I just feel like she doesn't realize what she has right in front of her. I have always been so good to her. I have never cheated on her and never even thought about it. I used to take her out all the time wherever she wanted to go and we would have so much fun. I did little things like sending flowers to her job all the time. When I talk to women they all say that they have been looking for a guy like that their entire lives and haven't found it yet. But my ex has it right in front of her and she doesn't want it. Why?.. It just seems like she is on another level of thought than most people. I just wish I could get through to her one time to make her realize how much I love her but nothing works! I am so confused... I don't want to let her go but the more I think about it the more my mind keeps telling me to. My heart just wont let me...

[Dan629]

A lot of the day I spend day dreaming of her showing up at my door and telling me she made a mistake and that she loves me and wants me back.. But then when I realize it won't happen I just sink deeper into depression. I actually thought about joining the Marines.. Just to get away but my family is so against it. I am only 20 and never saw myself being like this. I always thought I was stronger.

[ironpumper]

Dan,

I'm 48 years old, had my ol heart broken many times, cried like a baby, felt useless, wanted to run away, time and time again. I guess what I'm saying is that this happens to everybody, and it's hard. Way hard. I never thought I'd survive my heartbreaks and disappointments, but here I am, still alive and well, hangin' in, wondering at the world, the trees, the sky, birds, fish all the WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL things in life and I know that I will love again, as I have loved in the past, and it comforts me.

 

Go ahead, cry it out, don't hold it in, don't feel bad about it either. Then get up and get through another day. You'll think about her, that can't be helped. Just try to accept it the best you can. Know that you WILL survive heartbreak, as I ave, and countless others, and you WILL love again..

[kcvalkyrie]

I can not predict or say she will come back to you Dan. You must conduct yourself and your life that she is not coming back. You two are broken up. You need to act as such. Continued communication can only bring you heartache. It is like have a cut that is beginning to heal to hit it against an object and it starts bleeding again. For self preservation sake......back away for the time being. You can not make someone love you. I know you are hurting. We have all been there. An old cliche' was told to me a few months ago and I find it to be true. We want what we can't have. Don't make yourself so available to her. If she loves you and you are meant to be she will see that on her own. Nothing you can say or do at this point will sway her one way or another. We are here for you.

[rsxguy520]

Dan, my brother we are on the exact same page. although mine was a bit worse. anyways. my situation similar to yours. they change to someone they're not. well for me! this happened because she meet this guy during the summer aka Homewrecker, who she is with now, and her "bestfriend".

 

let me tell you, first of all it sucks! but!! life does go on. you will grieve but one day it will hit u up and you'll realize that she did you wrong! and ask yourself? do you won't someone that hurt you that bad? i mean for me i used to say, oh i love her yada yada..but there are so many other females out there who can love you as much as your ex did minus the painful wrongings she did to you.

 

Here's my point, your going to hurt right now which is normal, but as time progress your going to hurt less and start to discover that hey there is someone out there better for me.

 

its been almost 4 months, and im doin fine now. and make sure you go NC strictly to the MAX! no more set backs, nothing. Time is your friend, and if you play your cards right, not only will you heal the right way, you'll move on the right way as well!

[Dan629]

Thank you all for your advice so far.. I guess the right thing to do right now would be to not talk to her in anyway. Even that kills me because I am so used to making sure she is doing the right things and making the right choices that I'm afraid if I stop talking to her she will make a lot of bad choices. But my dad keeps telling me that I can't be her father and babysit her. I know he is right. But even if I'm not with her I would hate to see her go down the wrong path in life. Anyway I am going to do the NC thing. I have been talking to her throughout today and it has been one of the worst days for me in about a week. I feel like I am right back at square one when we first broke up.. Crying, can't eat, feel weak. I would never wish this feeling on anyone.. You guys have already helped me so much today.. Just to know that I am not the only one going through this makes me feel a little bit better. I guess my plan now is to just eliminate contact with her and move on in life. I'll let her be the one to call me someday if it ever comes. If it's meant to be than she will contact me in the future. If she doesn't than I guess she wasn't right for me. It's going to be so hard to do.. I'm so afraid of her meeting another guy when I know I'm the one who deserves her. Oh well.. Thanks everyone

[DocInPA]

I feel like I am right back at square one when we first broke up.. Crying, can't eat, feel weak.

 

First of all, my friend, you need to let yourself off the hook.

If it is not your fault then you need to absolve yourself of guilt.

Treat yourself to a good meal, go out for a nice relaxing walk or jog or drive or ride then put your feet up and relax. Find some people that you consider supportive and positive in your life. If asked about the break up don't dwell on it but don't avoid it either.

 

You can get through this but there will be peaks and valleys, good days

and bad days and horrible days but you can get through this.

 

Overcome it through taking the high road and when you look back and

see that you've survived it and did it in the right way it will be a rewarding

memory of a difficult time.

 

Point to the scar and tell the bittersweet story with a smille.

[kcvalkyrie]

Hey Dan- Just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you today. You made it through yesterday and will become stronger each day. Time heals all wounds believe it or not. We don't think it will because we are in the moment. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I know they sound extremely corny. (but true) Just know that we are all here to support you.

[Dan629]

Thank you so much for that.. Telling my story on here has helped a lot so far. It makes me happy to see that there are still people out there who actually care about someone else they don't even know. If everyone was like the wonderful people on here this world would be such a better place. It is going to be very hard but I am going to do everything in my power to move on in my life and make the best of it. Thank you again.

[flyguy23]

Dan,

I really feel your pain man. Im in the same boat as you. my gf just broke up with me recently too. we went out for 8 months and i really felt like she was the one. we did everything together, I did everything for her. I loved her too. and she broke up with me to be with her ex who cheated on her and everything. i feel so out of it too. cant eat, cant sleep...i just want her back so bad. but then i ask myself, do i really want her back? what if she pulls the same thing again? i know theres someone better out there for me. right now its just so hard for me to even see or think these things but its true. it hurts man it really does. i had so many feelings for her and she broke my heart. and i question the same thing u do. u wonder why shes not with you. u know ur good for her and everything. i kept tellin my ex that too. im good for her and everything but nothin works. sometimes u gotta let go of the things u love the most. im in pain right now as im typing this too. its the worst feeling in the world. im not over it by a long shot but what can i do? its just good i didnt go out with her for 2 or 3 years cuz i wouldve been more of a mess. it sux cuz u see and talk to that person everyday now its not gonna happen and u find urself just sitting there thinkin. it got so bad for me where i couldnt even concentrate at work. i mustve talked to a hundred people about my situation already but still cant seem to get the answer i want. like one of the other members said u cant force someone to love you. when she broke up with me i was beggin her to take me back askin her why why but she just lost feelings for me. i guess i just have to accept it too. and shes not going to change her mind either. but one thing i do know is this. im better than she is. even though ur hurting right now dont let her see this. dont let her know ur miserable. she should be the one whos miserable cuz shes loosing out on a good person. thats what i keep tellin myself. i cant let her win. i know i did nothing wrong and i know she is makin a big mistake too goin with the other guy but life is just that way. we sometimes do things that we know arent good for us but go with it anyway. thats what shes doin. and another thing, dont stay home cuz itll drive u nuts! preoccupy urself with something. hang in there man, were all here for u

[Dan629]

Last night I had some friends over my place and did a poker night then we went out to a party. It was nice. I haven't been to a party since I met my ex 3yrs ago so it was nice to get out. When I was with her I never really even wanted to go out because I was so happy just staying in with her or going to a movie. Believe it or not I did not think of her one time last night while I was out. Although this morning I woke up thinking of her I didn't try to call her or text her. When I stay in thinking about her I even have trouble breathing. It's crazy. But my friends were happy to see me last night. I saw people from High School who I haven't seen in yrs. People I kinda shut out of my life when I met my ex which was wrong of me. I obviously still miss her to death.. I still wish she would show up at my door telling me she made a mistake but I think I've come to reality that it isn't going to happen. I guess everyone can't be lucky enough this day in age to stay with their first love the rest of their lives. Anyway I just wanted everyone to know that I am doing a little bit better after getting out and I am going to remain not talking to her. I figure even if I run into her I will tell her I am doing great and have a lot going for myself. I don't want her to see anymore what this is doing to me. Not being with her is making me realize a lot of the flaws that she had. It doesn't stop me from wanting her back but It makes me feel more that this is the right thing. It has also made me see my flaws and hopefully it will teach me to fix them with the next woman I meet. I will keep posting to let everyone know how I am doing.

[Dan629]

image removed

[Dan629]

This is me

[Dan629]

Sorry to multi-post but it makes me feel good to get my feelings out on here when I'm having a hard time. I am doing a little better about the whole break up but the one thing that is really bugging me is the thought that she may be with someone else now. I honestly do not know if she is or isn't but that's my main fear. I guess I'm kinda in that "If I can't have it than neither can you" mode. The main problem I am having though is keeping myself from trying to find out if she is with someone else now or not. It's something that would just kill me if I found out but something inside of me keeps telling me to go find out I don't know why. I just cannot imagine someone else with her at this point when I know I am the one who deserves her. All I keep telling myself is "Why is she doing this?". I can't understand why she would want this. We had so many good times. We seemed so happy together... All I keep thinking about is all the times we went out somewhere. Even the little things like when she would keep leaning over to kiss me over and over while we were in a movie. It made me feel like she was so in love with me. So how can she just give it all up so easily while it is so hard for me?.. It almost makes me not even want to go on in life. It just isn't fair and sometimes I don't feel like I will ever get over this. I can't live with this pain forever.... I hope it ends so bad. I have been doing good keeping my mind off of her at times but then when I get home I just break down all over again. It kills me to think she just doesn't love me anymore. I am so afraid...

[flyguy23]

thats deep man. what u just said in ur post is EXACTLY how i feel. im afraid that shes with another guy right now too. and i keep askin the same thing too, "why is she doing this"? when i know im the right one for her. it hurts so bad. i just keep thinkin about all the little things too. and its like i just sit there and go i feel like im supposed to be doin somethin right now but im like what? cuz i got so used to seein her everyday. and i feel like she doesnt even care how i feel. when i tried to talk to her about it she gets all mad like im doin somethin wrong. i just wanna say to her sometimes cant u just look inside ur heart how much im hurting and what im goin through? but its like she doesnt even care. just hang in there man