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Send this letter to my ex? Yes or no?

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I know it's probably not recommended but it helped to get my feelings out..


I am much better now that I deleted all his emails, shredded all the papers, etc.... but I still want him to know how I feel and all sorts.


Here's the letter:



HI *****

I know this is very unexpected to hear from me, as it has been a little over 4 months since you dumped me. First, I am fine and have moved on. I am not expecting a reply from you, nor I desire to hear from you. If you want to respond, it is up to you. Just want you to read this and learn from all this.


Why am I writing this, you ask?


I just wanted to tell you that the situation was very puzzling to me and it was the first time that I have ever experienced a man really disrespecting me. Wait, don't say you didn't disrespect me. you did disrespect me by not breaking up in person and not being honest with me. I don't know what promoted you to apologize to me on Sept 19th as you dumped me on Sept. 1st. By that statement I said "I do not appreciate how things ended" By that, I mean, I don't like the way you broke up with me and using my health condition as an excuse to get out. My health condition is not to be made fun or joking in ANY form. I have not had a flare up ever since you dumped me. When I have flare ups, it is very painful and very debilitating. I told you that my friend thought it was an excuse for you to get out and I defended you, now I take it back and I know you used it as an excuse. Because you finally admitted that you don't like the way I kissed. Why couldn't you have been honest with me in the first place? Also you mentioned that you know how it felt being dumped via email as it has happened to you. I am sorry that it has happened to you but it does not make it ok for you to do this to me, too.


I was talking about this situation with a good male friend. He said that you have no class breaking up with me via email. He said that people kiss differently. He asked me if you gave me feedbacks or showed me how to kiss to mesh with your kissing style. I said nope, and that I do remember you telling me on our first date that my kissing was a lil rusty, and I have never heard anymore feedbacks since until AFTER you dumped me. Remember I hadn't dated in two years (by choice). I honestly don't believe that I am a horrible kisser as I have never heard of any complaints before until you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My friends asked me if I have ever heard any complaints on my kissing, I said nope!


Looking back at how I reacted to your break up. I feel embarrassed for going pschyo on you by going to your house. None of this would have happened if you had broken up with me the right way. You said you will never do this again to other women, I certainly hope you won't do this again. I was mad at you for not answering the door, you are just a coward. I just wanted an explaination. U know that breaking up via email is very cold and rude. It also offers the dumpee no closure and the time of healing is much longer than being dumped in person.


I also found a hidden reason for your dumping me and that is very shallow. I looked at your profile on the website where we met, and you updated it to say "NO CONDOS, NO TOWNHOUSES, NO DUPLEXES, NO APARTMENTS". You dumped me just bec I own a condo. How lame! There is more to a person than what a person possesses. You also wrote " you must be a good kisser or you will walk away." Also that is lame!


That's all!


Take care

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Hey there,


IMHO, I think this letter served its purpose by allowing you to "get your feelings out." But its therapeutic value might lessen if you actually sent it to our ex; please do not expose yourself further to his disrespectful behavior.


Weighing the positive of letting your ex know how you felt against the negative of equipping him w/ the means to hurt you further (via another disrespectful email or no-response), it is, in my humble opinion, not worth it to send this letter.


I've read it suggested elsewhere that you send this to yourself (by snail mail) and when you receive it, read it and discard it; would this be something you might consider doing?

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Hi Betrayed Girl,


I agree 100% with Ellie - incredibly therapeutic to have written this down. What a great letter!


BUT - no, don't send it. What are the outcomes?


i). He ignores it

ii). He gets back to you and insults you in a new and different way

iii). He uses it as an example that he was right to break up with you


I've taken letters like this and burned them on a beach, or thrown them out to sea. I like a bit of ceremony in getting rid of something, I must say. But by sending this to him, you're handing him back the power to hurt you all over again.


You know he's a jerk, WE know he's a jerk. He's an idiot, and you set it out here. So he's not going to respond at all well, we know that. Please please please don't send it, you will hurt yourself more by doing that.


Keep strong, keep brave, keep going. Post here, we are here for you.


Take care.

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Hey there BG,


I echo the sentiments of the other young ladies here. I am sure writing that letter was extremely theraputic, cathartic and was a way to get it all out. But it is full of anger, resentments, hate and so forth. Given his behavior in the past, perhaps he may feel that he was right in ending the relationship if he received that letter and will only make him feel better about his decision. And if that is case, then that letter will not have the desired effect on him.


I am truly sorry you are hurting and have been going through so much. I feel that sending the letter will only make you feel worse and perhaps might regret it. I would put that letter away, somewhere safe or perhaps burn it, kind of like symbolic gesture if you will.


Stay strong and keep talking to us.

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  • 2 weeks later...

dont send it sweetheart, he doesnt deserve it, and it will set you back.


i can understand though how helpful it is to write something like that out, especially when youve hit a rough patch(which can still happen now and then after several months).


save it, then read it in a few weeks. i bet you will see you moved on a bit in that time.




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