day 46 of NC, want to break it and send letter

[sjv119]

why, oh , why do i feel like this today?!? i was doing so well. 46 days of very strict NC and i want to send him a letter.

 

day 46 of NC, want to break it and send letter. read below:

 

hi,

 

happy new year! it's been a while since the last communication. i'm hoping all is well with you, your family, work, etc.

 

you are right when you said those things. i know you will have a better future.

 

thanks for the past. it's what got us both to where we are now.

 

all the best...

 

sjv

 

 

i'm not asking for answers from him. can i / should i send this?

[dogheadma]

I wouldn't. If you have a strong desire to send it, then put it in an envelope and send it to yourself. Then read it and throw it away.

[hockeyboy]

what are you trying to accomplish?

[Benson]

sjv... I sent something like that last week.... although it didnt cause me much pain because I didnt get a reply, I knew it wasnt the best thing to do....

 

im in a world of doubt, probably as you are.. but please dont send it.

[sjv119]

That's a good one.

send it to yourself.

 

i was actually planning on snail mailing it. handwriting it in a nice card and spending 39 cents for postage. blech.

[sjv119]

what are you trying to accomplish?

 

closure for me, maybe?

[sjv119]

sjv... I sent something like that last week.... although it didnt cause me much pain because I didnt get a reply, I knew it wasnt the best thing to do....

 

im in a world of doubt, probably as you are.. but please dont send it.

 

I guess I don't have to send it now. Maybe in a couple of months?

[Benson]

yeah, but it wont work hun.. i swear it.

 

I just did that, and it didnt work.. lol..

 

my only closure would be screaming at her haha

..

 

dont do it!!! keep NC.... believe me it WILL hurt even tho u dont think it will.

[dogheadma]

 

i was actually planning on snail mailing it. handwriting it in a nice card and spending 39 cents for postage. blech.

 

Exactly. blech.

[kekep]

congrats on getting to day 46 of NC! come on, don't go ruining your track record now. you can pull through this.

 

think of it this way also: he, more than likely, doesn't want you to contact him. it will just make him feel awkward and/or bad about the breakup. sending him a letter will cause you more pain, and give him the satisfaction of knowing you are still, at the very least, thinking about him

[JoeWho]

You'll find your closure from within yourself and not from sending him a letter. Breaking NC will only cause you to think about him and what he is thinking about and if he will respond or not. I'm sure you dont want to go down that road. You have been doing really well with the NC so keep it up!

[sjv119]

i figured if i write / type this letter again in the (near) future and i don't start tearing up, then i know i am ready to send it.

 

so for now it'll stay here on ena.

[Benson]

good for you sjv. well done. keep up the NC.

[sjv119]

You have been doing really well with the NC so keep it up!

 

congrats on getting to day 46 of NC! come on, don't go ruining your track record now. you can pull through this.

 

 

For some reason, I feel like i've have been doing good with NC is because the ex hasn't even bothered to contact me either. :sad:

[JoeWho]

Thats good that your ex hasnt contacted you. Trust me you are better off that way. When my ex sends me emails every month or so asking how I am doing it sets me back for a few days, but I never respond. I know you probably have a lot of things that you want to say to him. Just write it out in a journal or something. Writing things out really helps to get things off your chest. Just make sure you never send him anything.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Good for you for posting here instead of sending it! It's hard, and that urge to send innocent little cards is so deep. But if you're anything like me, you are sort of waiting for SOMETHING, a thank you, a text, a call.

 

Well done for not posting it. I quite like the idea of posting yourself a card by snail mail, you know. I think that sounds quite appealing, to be honest.

 

Good luck - well done. You're doing really well! Keep posting here when it gets hard.

[kellbell]

Congradulations for the NC stretch. Well done. Keep going chica!

 

Closure is something you can find only within yourself. No one else can give you that. How can you get closure from that letter when you mentioned you are not looking for answers? Today just sounds like a blah day. It will be over soon enough. I can almost guarentee you will feel different tomorrow.

 

Stay strong!

[blender]

If the ex is NOT making an intentional loving respectful effort to make YOU a prirority in his life, and to exclusively work on being a couple, then there is NO emotionally healthy healing reason to make any contact.

 

This word "closure' is so overused.. and I know as people we want to read the last page of the book, but instead choose to WRITE only the very next page of YOUR book, which can be:

 

"I am CHOOSING to have the self respect and self love to not contact someone who is not willing to make an effort to be in my life, I will cry, grieve, and GROW through all of this, the best is ahead of me not behind me, I deserve loyal love, the kind I'm willing to give, nothing less, and I hold the key to my happiness, my self respect, my validation, and my future, I'm so proud of myself."

 

You keep choosing to write this kind of page, and the chapters will only get better.. so much better, and YOU will get stronger, and your life story will become happy, evolved, strong, independent, respectful and full of loyalty, and LOVE.

 

and you might even realize, the ex couldn't authentically exsist in this type of story... but YOU will.

[HDD]

sjv, i totally understand how you feel. I am trying to fight my urges to contact my x as well. I havent talked to him since dec 20-something ( i dont even want to remember that date) and even though i called him once during the first week of NC (ofcourse he did not answer), i regret doing it. Now its been more than two weeks of NC (my longest ever) and i dont know what to do other than to stop thinking/hoping to talk to him again. he also hasnt made any effort to contact me, sO i feel as if i shouldnt either. I just hope he doesnt have any hate or bad feeling towards me becuase our break up was a mutual one, actually he wanted it more than I did, but we both saw it coming. I hope we can be friends someday but for now, i just have to heal my heart and try and move on. I dont want to feel like a weak spineless girl who gives in and makes a fool of herself. So, NC is the only way.

[sjv119]

How can you get closure from that letter when you mentioned you are not looking for answers?

 

More like closure for myself. My last hurrah to him. Because sadly, I didn't wish him very well on our last conversation either.

 

 

But if you're anything like me, you are sort of waiting for SOMETHING, a thank you, a text, a call.

 

This is me too Honey. I'm not trying to think that way but I know my subconscious mind is very well thinking that.

 

 

If the ex is NOT making an intentional loving respectful effort to make YOU a prirority in his life, and to exclusively work on being a couple, then there is NO emotionally healthy healing reason to make any contact.

 

This word "closure' is so overused.. and I know as people we want to read the last page of the book, but instead choose to WRITE only the very next page of YOUR book, which can be:

 

"I am CHOOSING to have the self respect and self love to not contact someone who is not willing to make an effort to be in my life, I will cry, grieve, and GROW through all of this, the best is ahead of me not behind me, I deserve loyal love, the kind I'm willing to give, nothing less, and I hold the key to my happiness, my self respect, my validation, and my future, I'm so proud of myself."

 

You keep choosing to write this kind of page, and the chapters will only get better.. so much better, and YOU will get stronger, and your life story will become happy, evolved, strong, independent, respectful and full of loyalty, and LOVE.

 

and you might even realize, the ex couldn't authentically exsist in this type of story... but YOU will.

 

thanks, blender, for your encouraging words. i do have to make a choice not to include him in the next pages/chapters that i write.

[sjv119]

and so after much thought, maybe i did want to send this letter to get a reaction from him.

 

sigh.

[blender]

Be proud of yourself for taking the time to "think it all through" and to be honest with yourself, this is A HUGE STEP in healing.. you are on the right track, it's not easy, but YOU just took a courageous self respecting step towards a more confident, attractive, happy, respectful YOU.

 

Feel good that you made a choice to NOT give in to your "urge", to send anything to him, this is a sign of acceptance, maturity, self respect and class.. wow, I really hope you are impressed by yourself!!!

[Silentlyfor]

yeah I sent a letter for closure to my ex as well. Afterward she threatened to call the police, ANYWAY.

 

Good choice. Don't give them the satisfaction of showing your pain. It did me very little good. It would probably server you in the same way.

[sjv119]

yeah I sent a letter for closure to my ex as well. Afterward she threatened to call the police, ANYWAY.

 

Good choice. Don't give them the satisfaction of showing your pain. It did me very little good. It would probably server you in the same way.

 

Does my letter scream 'i'm in pain'??

[sreupert]

As far as your letter, I too don't think it is a great idea. I do believe in closure though. There are some things you need to get off your chest. I believe repression is a very bad thing. When I was in pain and suffering from a breakup I went threw, I tried the whole NC thing. It wasn't working for me. I was tearing myself apart, I couldn't get over it and it was effecting my job, my social life, everything. So I decided to say screw it. I had been running into her at the gym from time to time and having those short and bullcrap conversations. After I would leave I wondered if she thought of me. If seeing me would effect the way she was with her new boyfriend. It did nothing. The bottom line I felt horrible. The one thing that I did notice is that every single time I ran into her I felt bad for a least a day if not more. I would get lonly and self indulge. Well I decide that this NC thing wasn't working for me and I reached out after I ran into her roomate. I had sent her a message via myspace that just said "Can we do lunch sometime" I felt like actual saying what I needed to say to her face would be the best. and if she didn't reply then I would know where I stood. She agreed to meeting. She has always been very pleasant with me. We went to lunch and had a good conversation. I told her the reason I was meeting her was for me, That I did think about her. that I had some negative feeling and I won't live this way so I felt like I had to address the issue. After the meeting I felt O.K. Yes I understood that I was emotional. You would be ignorant not to think that there would be emotions involved. The next day I felt horrible. It was in a bit of a different way though. The one thing that I noticed is that the next day I felt a lot better. I had finally put things in the past. And the next day I felt even better. SO what, she knows that I think about her from time to time. So what, I told her that I was fond of her and I complimanted her on some of the qualities that had atteracted me to her. The bottom line is that I needed to put this in the past. I had to stop repressing my feelings cause in the end the repression will only hurt you more. The one thing that I did have is a good unserstanding of what it was that I was trying to accomplishg with meeting her. I wanted closure . I wanted to put things in the past. I wanted to put things in the past with a positive feeling. The reason I decided to do this was because a book that I had read. "Feel the Fear and do it anyway" I was reading this about a business adventure I have been on but it made very good sense in all forms of life. There was a chapter about moving on with your life and ways to approach it. I don't know the guy you are planing on writing this letter to, or how he would respond. No one does. If you are trying to manipulate a responce from him then I would suggest NC. If you need to truly just get things off your chest in order for you to move on then I would do it in person if he will agree to. It actually worked for me, but you have to remember every situation is different and truly you control how you respond to that situation. If you choose to have the meetiong with him and know that you won't be strong enough to not allow it to casue you pain then don't. If you can then do it. I feel that there a no wrong choices. Either you send a letter or not. Either you meet with them or not. Either way can work if you want to make it work. Just don't try and control the responce you may receive.You can only control the way in which you act to that responce.

Good luck!