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I think I have lost him. Please help.

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I've been seeing someone for 4 months now and we get along perfectly. We are very compatible and being with him has made me the happiest I've ever been. Last night I went out with a friend and got completely wasted. I asked my bf to pick me up and then I blacked out the rest of the night. I know that we got into a huge fight because I remember bits and pieces of it. It was really bad. Nothing physical but I think I may have said some really awful things to him. We have both gotten drunk with eachother before and there have been no conflicts but the last 3 times I have been drunk around him, I'm either crying or upset or I start a fight. But nothing was as bad as last night.


So I emailed him today telling him that I was so sorry for disrespecting him and hurting his feelings and that it would never happen again. He responded and said he probably will get over it but not yet. He said he didn't know how I was going to prevent this in the future and the last thing he said was that he didn't know what to do about the situation or what else to say. He did tell me he loved me but I fear that this is it. What should I do? Should I just give him his space to let him think about things? I feel that is the right thing to do but I'm so scared he will just think I can't handle myself and not give me another chance. Thank you in advance for your advice.

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You absolutely have to give him his space right now, because you're this close to pushing him away for good. You're lucky you haven't by now, you say this is the fourth time you've gotten drunk and pissed off around him? Wow, in just four months, too.


I know you may not want to hear this, but it's honestly meant in the interest of not losing this guy.


If you don't give him his space, you'll further show him you are overly emotional, demanding, and unstable. And if you get wasted/drunk again where you cry, pick a fight, etc. you probably will lose him for good.


I suggest you drastically cut back on your alcohol. It is clear that your body can't handle it.


And stick to your promise to him that you will never behave this way again. You know in your heart it's just plain unacceptable.

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I agree with scout.... if your behaviour is the result of overdrinking and you want the behavior to stop then stop overdrinking. simple... make a conscious decision based on how much he means to you to know your limit alcohol wise.... unless the things you are getting upset at are valid issues and you only let them out when your defenses are down... then you need to re-evaluate the underlying problems BUT if its just a matter of you being a "nasty or mean drunk" then it should not be too difficult to solve the problem if you really want to.

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Thank you for your advice. I'm willing to do anything not to lose him. I don't even know how or why I did those things to him last night. We were just at a wedding a couple of weekends ago and we were both really drunk both nights and we were totally fine. I'm not sure why all of a sudden I have become this emotional mess when I'm drunk around him. There are no underlying issues. I hold no resentment towards him. I just don't understand where all of this is coming from and it scares me.

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Cordell, it sounds as if alcohol is beginning to cause turmoil in your personal relationships, which may be an indicator that it could be something to evaluate as an area for change. I went through the EXACT same thing...started drinking in college, kept doing it to have fun, and for a while it was fun. Then after a couple years, I went from just being kinda silly to being outright mean and crazy...I'd say horrible things and pick fights with the people who meant the most to me. I realized that the drinking wasn't worth it, so while I will drink occasionally now, I am VERY careful with how much I have, and stop if I think it's starting to affect me. Because I don't know how I'll react or what I'll say if I have too much, I don't even take that chance.


Best of luck to you...I'd say give him a bit of space right now, then SHOW him by your actions that you are intent on changing things. And mean it...if you think you might need counseling to address some underlying issues, seek some out--there's nothing wrong with that.

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