so it begins...

[Follow Me]

so i love my girlfriend with all my heart, but we have a problem. she won't stop talking to her ex. its not the normal "i want my stuff back" type of calls. she used to talk to him all the time. she would ignore me to talk to him, and admitted once to still having feelings for him. they would have long, pleasant conversations. well, i thought it all ended. we had a long period of no fighting about that. things went great. i just proposed to her on a sailboat, and we set a wedding date. i am a good partner. so yesterday he calls again. she answers, and they talk for 5 minutes. she tells him things like "well, we can still be friends". then she turns around and tells me that she tells him not to call her any more. when he calls, she talks to him! they email a little bit too. i dont snoop through her stuff. based on the nature and history of these calls, its needless to say that im getting to my wits end. they broke up in the summer!!! we dated after they were split. i can tell she still wants to talk to him.

 

im thinking of sitting her down, and saying "baby, i love you, but if you talk to him one more time im going to leave you." i think this will push her to stop. i dont want to marry someone who cant keep a promise. she has promised to stop atleast 8 times. shes broken each promise. aside from this, we have no other problems. this is the only thing weve fought over. but after yesterday, and now being engaged, i cant take it anymore. is there any other way to do this? the only way i can think of is to show her that im ready to walk if this crap doesnt stop. im afraid to do that though. she gets so hurt whenever we fight.

[finewhine]

Wait, you started dating this summer immediately after she broke up with him?

[Follow Me]

yes, that is correct.

[caro33]

im thinking of sitting her down, and saying "baby, i love you, but if you talk to him one more time im going to leave you." i think this will push her to stop. i dont want to marry someone who cant keep a promise. she has promised to stop atleast 8 times. shes broken each promise. aside from this, we have no other problems. this is the only thing weve fought over. but after yesterday, and now being engaged, i cant take it anymore. is there any other way to do this? the only way i can think of is to show her that im ready to walk if this crap doesnt stop. im afraid to do that though. she gets so hurt whenever we fight.

 

I think that if you can't live with this you can't live with this. You then need to be unambiguous with her, as you have indicated above. I had to go through the same thing and it was really hard. I now regret not making a stand much earlier though, as my delaying to save the argument, or to not come accross as demanding, only make the nightmare last longer.

 

But the thing is, you need to be sure you can follow through. If you are saying 'honey I can't handle this, drop the ex or else' then still hanging around when she calls the ex, you are training her to not take you seriously.

 

She gets hurt when you fight, but you get hurt when she breaks her promises. Your hurt matters too.

[Dwayne Dibbley]

Sounds to me like she's on the rebound.

I wouldn't necessarily give her the ultimatum you propose, but I would sit her down and attempt to clarify and gets some answers.

I wouldn't advocate getting but hurt about her speaking with an ex, but so frequent is a bit too much.

I wouldn't advocate fighting over this, and she may well see your concern as foolish jealousy, oblivious to the hurt she's causing. Simply explain your feelings to her clearly and calmly and explain that you can't maintain the relationship while suffering the hurt. If she suggests a split then go with it as that would show she doesn't necessarily care that much about the relationship