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Urgh, why does my sister think everyone is so jealous of her? It's sickening.

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Okay, for starters, I love my younger sister, we're like really good friends, which is a huge change from our younger years. She would try to compete, compete, compete, over everything. Over who our parents 'loved' and 'liked' the most, over who had more friends, who had more boyfriends and the cutest ones, who had less body weight, our looks in general, who was smarter.. and so on. She would never directly come out and admit to this, but it's true. She becomes incredibly jealous if my mother even talks to me (although this too she won't admit) and often tries to act as if she knows things about mom that I don't. She behaves as if their relationship is special and she understands mom in ways that my brother and I don't. This isn't helped any by my emotionally cold & distant mother telling my sister that she is her favorite, (right in front of my brother and I). Though most of the time my mother is too selfish to pay attention to my sister either, she does spend more time with her than me and my brother. She spends zero time with us. (Which, is fine, my mother is highly unlikeable to 99% of the population and I don't need her, quite frankly.) She'll however, go pick up my sister and take her shopping and so on at times, when she's having a "good" day.


My brother, poor thing, still lives with the woman, and she won't pay him the time of the day. The only reason why she lets him live with her is because of the child support she receives from dad, which she spends on cosmetics/jewelry/clothes/perfumes/and supporting/feeding her married boyfriend. She completely ignores my brother in every way, unless the house is messy when she comes home from work (and then she'll scream and curse at him). If he wants to talk to her or show her things he's learned on the guitar, she'll tell him to um, eff off and go away. So, he's learned to stay out of her way.


Anyway, I think this just serves to emphasize my sister's superior complex. Not to mention she's in the past used her feminine charms to steal other's boyfriends and always thinks that guys are staring at her, always. She's always sniffing and going, "Why is everyone staring at me? Everytime I go somewhere someone is looking at me!" and tries to pretend as if she's offended, but what she's really trying to say is she thinks everyone's looking at her because she's beautiful. In case anyone thinks I'm paranoid, my brother and I have discussed this before; he has the same theory, incidentally. Plus, she thinks that all girls are jealous of her. Even me. She even said to my brother last year, "Why is (my name here) so jealous of me? I don't understand it." My brother said he nearly bust out laughing in her face. Of course, my darling little brother (he's 17 now) came running back to me and reported it.


Now, she's a pretty/more cute than pretty, actually, girl with a good figure, but she's not heartstoppingly beautiful, and men who have girlfriends that they love aren't going to risk fights just to 'look' at my sister. Nor do they want to, nor are they sitting there secretly thinking "I wish she was my woman, instead of the girl I have."


But, she seems to think this. She's forever talking about her boyfriend's brother's girlfriend who is supposedly highly jealous of her, and how "gross" she looks because she had a baby like, two years ago, and still has a bit of plumpness to her. And my sister is slender again after having one baby last year, and another in November. (At age 18, sadly.) The girl she talks about has a bit of a belly, big deal. She's still not fat. My sister is convinced that this girl is so very jealous of her and often says things like, "I don't want John (the girl's boyfriend) looking at me!" And it's like, um... he's probably not even looking at you. He's with who he wants to be with, clearly. My sister has known her boyfriend and his brother for years, so if the brother wanted her so bad, don't you think he would have already tried a long time ago?



Now, although this sort of stuff annoys me, I just let her ramble on and basically envoke the practice of "nod your head and smile." It's mainly because though she's a bit stuckup/prissy/finicky about things, and we've had our horrible history of hating eachother with a passion, she's incredibly sweet and caring, and I genuinely as the adult that I am now, like her. She knows she can always count on me and vice versa. She is 18 with two kids, and she needs her big sister sometimes. This is no problem. I enjoy calling her and we chat on the phone quite often, and she often rides through and I'll help her with her errands (because she has her hands full!)


But.. once she started bringing up the jealousy thing again, I've become quite annoyed. I thought she was over that, and recognized me as an equal, and was off the whole "my older sister is so jealous of me ohmygod" trip.


But, apparently not.


I haven't seen her much at the beginning of this year because her first child has a condition and has been treated at a hospital 3 hours away for the first half of this year. Of course, we talked on the phone as much as we could and I rode up to the hospital whenever I could, as well. This year I started dating my current S.O. in February and he had a glimpse of her, once, they never really got to meet until my nephew was healthy and allowed to come home, which was only about 4 or 5 months ago. Of course, once they were back down here, my sister & her boyfriend would visit and they got to meet my S.O. He was polite and nice to them both equally and normally, nothing wrong there.


One time we went to my sister's house and my S.O, who is one of the world's most talkative/chatty person, started randomly talking to my sister (and the room was full of my brother, me, and my sister's boyfriend) about some movies we had recently seen, and kept saying to me "tell her about this movie! Tell her about that!' and blah blah. Then he started telling her about his last job, and all the stuff he had to do, (he was also slightly bragging about doing inspections and stuff,) and he kept going on about it because she was polite and acted interested, although you could tell she didn't know what he was talking about but she's too nice to be like, "Dude, I don't even know what you're talking about!". He was just trying to be friendly (as far as I know) and plus, he does tend to tell people things that they don't really care to know, and keep going on, and on, and on... (you know, doesn't get the hint.) He just picks people out of the room randomly and starts talking, thinking they'll be interested. Not sure why he chose to tell my sister all of that, out of a room full of men who might actually *know* what he was talking about, but, oh well.


Anyhow she was trying to get out of the room because she was pregnant, and wanted a baked potato, but he kept talking (didn't get the hint and she was too polite to just be like, hold on a minute!). She looked a bit... overwhelmed. Anyhow, I went and talked to her while she cooked her potato and I explained to her how he talks a lot, but doesn't mean to bore anyone.


We saw them a few times after that and as always, my S.O was very nice and polite to my sister, offering to find his daughter's old baby clothes for her and stuff, and treating her first child as if he was already his nephew by marriage. We even went to see her in the hospital when she had her second child in November and he was just as polite and courteous to her then. He wasn't going into long boring stories with her or anything, but still talked to her. One day my sister and I went to town and when we came back, he had bags full of baby clothes for her, from his mother, and she said hello to him. He handed the bags to me (I asked for them) and he nodded and said sup. Typical him, he's chatty but doesn't exuberantly say 'HIII!" when he sees people he knows. My sister frowned but I didn't think much of it.


Anyhow, on Thanksgiving, we all went to my aunt's house. Me, my brother, my S.O, his 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship arrived just as my sister, her two kids, and her boyfriend arrived. My mom arrived separatedly and stayed for about, 30 minutes, then left to have an adulterous rendevous with her married lover before the food was even done. There was my great-aunt, my great-uncle, my great aunt and uncle's daughter, my sister/brother/sister's boyfriend/my s.o and his daughter/my sister's kids/ ... just, a whole lot of people crowded together in one living room. We all exchanged hellos, my sister said hi to him personally, and as far as I know he responded! He nodded and said hey, or nodded, or something. No big deal, right?


Well, my sister and I were upstairs after we ate, while she changed her newborn, and we were alone. She asked me something kind of strange. She asked me if she had offended my S.O. or something because he "didn't even say hello to her and he gave her a dirty look". As far as I know, he did not. I guess what Miss Ego meant was he didn't smile all big with his eyes glazed over, heh and get excited to see her. Plus, my S.O. has those sorts of eyes that do look kind of cold if he's not smiling. They're the kind of cold blue/icy blue sort (though can change rapidly to a green) and I've seen the very look she meant, and it's not a dirty or mean look, he doesn't even know he's doing it.


I said to her, "I thought he did, I'm pretty sure he nodded, anyway in all the chaos it's hard to talk to anyone personally. And that's just how he looks if he doesn't smile."


She said, "yeah, but I mean, he's not said a single thing to me today."


I responded, "yeah, but there's so many people here today, like I said, it's hard to talk to anyone individually, everyone else is always talking to them."


She said, "Well, see, it's just strange how the first few times you guys came to my house, he was talking to me a lot, telling me all about his inspections and so on, and other stuff, and he was being really friendly and stuff, but then like, the last time I saw him, that day I took you home, he like barely even said hello and gave me a dirty look then, too. And he's like, barely said a thing to me the past few times we saw him."


I told her I wasn't really even aware of that and I would talk to him, but as far as I knew, he didn't have a problem with her, he liked her and her boyfriend.


She tried to make it seem as if she was a poor victim: "If I offended him, I mean I would like to know, I don't want to offend anyone, I didn't even think I've done anything wrong," and blah blah.


I was just like, no, I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding.


Well, a few minutes later, my S.O. comes to the top of the stairs and takes me aside to a separate room. He whispered in my ear, "oh my god, they're crazy! Charles (sister's boyfriend) just came up to me and asked me why I didn't even say hello to your sister today. He asked me if YOU told me not to talk to her! He told me that your sister came up to him a bit upset, and her feelings were hurt, because I supposedly didn't say hello to her and haven't been talking to her the past few times we've seen them. I told him that there's so many people here, I mean, I didn't even realize I was doing that, I didn't intend for it to seem like that. And I did nod when she said hello. Then he started talking about how I talked to her a lot that one time, and asked me not to say anything to you, but wanted to know if for some reason you told me not to talk to her. That's ridiculous. They're clearly trying to imply stuff!"


See, I'm not paranoid, he and I were on the same page about this situation.


I was mad, to say the least. Where do they get off assuming that? Plus, too much coincidence for me that both Charles AND my sister brought up how that one time my S.O. talked to my sister a lot, as if it was such a big deal. That's just how he is, he would talk to anyone about anything if they sat there and listened. I mean, my sister was even recalling everything he said as if she had made a mental note of it. Who would even have remembered that conversation? It wasn't a big deal. And I know she's the one who said to Charles that I probably told my S.O. not to talk to her.


Because, like, y'know, I'm sooo jealous of her, and all men want her n' stuff. Even other girl's boyfriends, maybe even especially other girl's boyfriends. My man must look at her and wish he was with her, and hates that he's stuck with shabby old me (I'm not shabby or old!) I guess he talked to her "so much" that one day about his past recent job to "impress her" with his knowledge, or something. Because, y'know, she's so beautiful and gorgeous and he must have fallen for her the second he saw her, and couldn't resist talking to her.




And the reason why I know that she's the one who told Charles I must have told my S.O not to talk to her is because, a) she's always thought this way about people in general, especially girls, and b) she clearly told him to say something to my S.O in private but also asked me about it so it didn't seem as if she told him to, so she didn't anger me for trying to imply I was jealous, and c), charles wouldn't have said anything unless my sister made him do it. He would have told her she was likely being a bit paranoid or just said what my SO said, "there was so many people here it's hard to talk to anybody individually."


So, I was furious actually, I thought we were friends as well as sisters and PAST THAT COMPETITION BULL.


So, my SO went back downstairs and I went back into the room with my sister, alone, and told her what my SO just told me. She made a big production of pretending to be mad that Charles said anything to my SO, and then said, "I mean, he's making it seem like it's a big deal, I mean I don't even care if your guy talks to me or not, now he's just going to think that I really give a d-mn if he talks to me or not, when really I don't. He doesn't have to talk to me if he doesn't want to. Really I don't care, I just wanted to make sure I didn't offend anyone, but really I don't care if he talks to me, it's not a big deal."


All the blah blahs and so on pretty much proved to me that yes, she did think my SO was talking to her a lot that one day for a reason, and then yes, I obviously told him to never talk to her because I was jealous and convinced he had a thing for her, but when I confronted her she felt stupid because I knew exactly what was going on. See, she didn't think that my SO was gonna run and tell me because Charles had asked him not to say anything to me. Of course, he did. heh, see, that's what happens when you trust people you barely know to NOT tell their SO's things.


But she kept going on about, "well I mean, he did talk to me an awful lot that one day" and blah blah, "and now he barely says a word to me and gives me a dirty look, I mean I guess Charles was just trying to come up with possible reasons as to why your man would ignore me and stuff and not be friendly, and that's the only reason he could come up with. I mean it was rather strange.."


I said sharply, "and just what are YOU trying to imply, that I am jealous of you? It's getting old, girl."


She got visibly upset (I hit the head on the nail) and started denying things, now with an attitude. She was trying to make it seem like I was crazy for even suggesting that she thought that, when if she didn't think like that, this insane situation wouldn't have occurred in the first place.


We got it "resolved" at the end, basically I confronted her man and told him, no, my SO was not ignoring her, and no, I did not tell him not to talk to her, and asked him why he thought that. He basically said the same thing, "well I was just trying to come up with reasons, I mean I don't know..." Not really well-rehearsed. Guess he didn't think my SO would tell me and I'd come up and put him on the spot. But, I know despite things, she still is convinced I told my guy to not talk to her because I was supposedly jealous when he did talk to her and when he talked to her, it's because he was interested in her.


Puhlease. C'mon. My SO now thinks my sister is just as egotistical as my mom, who thinks everyone wants her and isn't happy if the spotlight isn't on her. And I think he's pretty observant. Never really thought of it like that, you know, the whole attention thing... but it just makes sense.


Anyhow, today the SO comes home from work and says, "I just saw your sister in the store." Now see, ever since the above incident, he feels really awkward just being around them. He said that he feels if he talks too much to my sister, they're going to think he's interested in her. But if he talks too little, they're going to think it's because I'm jealous and told him not to. It's like a no-win situation. Anyhow, he said she was all alone and came up to him all friendly like, and said hey and started asking if his daughter had the chickenpox vaccination, because her son's got it and blah blah, etc, etc, etc, and he said he was polite back but, was in a hurry (his friend/boss and wife was waiting outside for him) and was trying to pick out something for us to eat for dinner. He said he was listening, interjecting "uh huhs" and stuff and listening (you know, to avoid her thinking that I told him not to talk to her!). But, he also told me that "I didn't really have time for small talk and chit chat" and he wasn't OVERLY talking because he didn't want her to think he was interested in her. He said that for some reason, after his last reponse (something regarding his daughter and the chicken pox vaccination), she just turned and walked away, without saying a word or goodbye or anything. Very, very strange. Maybe it was because he was focused on comparing prices and different foods instead of focusing his full attention on her?


Oh lord, I can see it now. Her stupid boyfriend is going to be calling up here again accusing us of stuff. But what could it be this time? I mean really. As far as I know he did nothing wrong. Maybe it's because Miss Beauty Queen didn't have his full attention and she thinks that all men want to give her their full attention? And then when he didn't, she thinks it's because I have forbidden him to, because I'm jealous because I think that he wants to pay her more attention than me?


I know this was an incredibly long post, but, if anyone has managed to reach the bottom, please take a stab at explaining this or giving me advice, and tell me how to diffuse such a situation and get her to stop thinking that. Especially since tomorrow I'm sure she'll call up here complaining or something.


Now we're both forever going to feel weird around them, because they're always going to be thinking something. At least she will, anyway. Talking about some egos, jeez.

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