I'm sick of my on/off relationship!

[luv4linds]

Sorry guys, this is more of a rant. I just need someplace to get it off my chest. Long story short, I got together with this guy four years ago. We both worked at the same restaurant and he totally cracked me up with his impressions of some of the customers and the people we worked with. There was a lot of hooking up in the group of people who worked there, but he and I would always just spend time way into the night talking. Plus, I soon found out, he had a girlfriend and wasn't sure where things stood with her. He and I were friends for months, hanging out a lot, even meeting each other's families, everything you might want from a relationship w/o all the physical stuff. Finally, I was like, you and I are better together than anyone I've ever dated. And he broke up with his girlfriend and we agreed to take it slow. But after things got intense between us, it was about a year into it, he bowed out and said he didn't want to be really involved with anyone else w/o having been single for a while.

 

So I let him be single. It was sad at the time but not the worst thing since I was just 21 at the time and I didn't really need a serious boyfriend. We still cared a lot for each other and spent time together but it was like before we became "official." Then we went on a trip to England together and we decided there we should give it another try. And things went really well between us for about a year and a half. Then he decided to take a job working with his brother outside our state. He told me about his decision the night after we had a long talk about maybe moving in with each other. I was really broken up that time, like it took us that long to make such a step and he responded by wanting to go away. We broke up and he left, and I decided to go back to school and just be alone for a while.

 

But now he is back in town and keeps calling me, trying to set up obvious dates with me and hinting about how much he missed me. I just know he wants to get back together. But I'm over it. I love him but I need to feel like he's just as in love with me. But I know that if I see him, even just spend an hour with him by ourselves, I could be won over. He's very convincing that way. So far I've just I'md him and talked with him on the phone a few times. I'm not sure I should hang out with him yet but it's probably unavoidable because we know a lot of the same people. What should I say when I do? How can I defend myself against all the feelings and our history?

[EvaGina]

Tell him that you respected his wishes when he felt he needed space and you would appreciate if he would do the same for you.

 

Do you think that perhaps you would like to get back together with him a few eyars down the track? Its obvious you must make a good couple in spite of the yo-yo ing

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I would let him know what you wrote here. That you cherish the memories you both once shared but time has passed and you have moved on.

 

That is about it. There is not much else to say. The sooner you let him know, the better off both of you will be.

 

Good luck.