lost...(long) need advice

[coderedx93]

Heres my story. Early January this year I met this girl Shannon. Me and her clicked right off the bat and started going out. Around mid summertime, I lost my focus. I mean, I really lost my focus. I just wasn't showing her enough love and attention. I wanted to hang out with my friends, play hockey or tennis and work out. I lost my focus and got so lazy so much that apart of me didn't wanna be in a relationship anymore. I'll never forget on the 22nd of August, we parked somewhere by her house and there she is crying in my front seat and me sitting there not knowing how I felt about myself. I suggested we take a "break". About two days later, I ran back to her explaining myself. We got back together and eventually a week later she said she felt "rushed" and didnt feel the same. So we talked as friends but and there was still something there. Mid September comes around and she comes over my house and we're chillin on my head, holding each other. My parents come home so we casually get up and she goes on my computer. She opened some saved convos between me and my ex Robyn that was saved from July. Ouch. Tell me about it. In there was just some stuff about me and Robyn talking about the past. I shouldn't've saved those convos but I dont know why I did. Shannon got upset and any trust that was being built was immediately gone. A few days later I go over her house and I start crying. I didnt wanna lose her. She was mad but also saw how upset I was. Two days later we were suppose to hang out before she hung out with her friends but her plans got messed up and she was in a mood all day and she wouldnt talk to me everytime I called. I feared I did something wrong again. I called her 23 times in a span of 2 hours or so. Crazy...yeah I know. I was just so concerned that i did something wrong and I really wanted to see her. She wouldnt pick up. A couple days later I got the idea to send her a dozen roses with a note about everything. This was to be delievered to her on the 27th of Sept ..which woulda been 8 months for us. She gets the flowers but is pissed. She sends me texts saying there is no more us. Her best friend even comes in and says for me to leave her alone. I was crushed.

 

I go about 2 weeks without talking to her and I cracked and I talked to her on the phone about everything again. This was the 10th of October. She seemed like she cared but it was too late. Turns out her friend Gary, who was always trying to make a move on her while she was with me in the summer like pay for stuff and call her all the time waited till I made mistakes and played the caring game and won Shannon over. Shannon went to him and hasnt looked back. There together as of now. Shannon still IMs my best friend online once in awhile but I havent talked to Shannon since mid October.

 

Weird thing is, two weeks ago I had a real romantic dream about Shannon. I was walking with my friend and there was Shannon and her friend Liz. Liz was saying hey to me and then I see Shannon with tears runnin down her face. I ask wahts wrong? She says shes sorry for everything and then I say dont be, Im the sorry one. and we kiss and make up. just like that. WHAT A DREAM!. So later that same day, she was talking to my best friend Shawn online. They were talkin about Xmas and what they wanted. Shawn (who moved away up north jersey) said somethin bout wishing he could move back and hang with me again. Shannon then asked how I was doing and how im doing in school and so forth. Shawn playing dumb asked if shes talked to me at all and she said she hasnt talked to me in the longest time and said I blocked her on AIM. (in which I did for a month but had her unblocked since early Dec) and I'm surprised she noticed I blocked her. The next day, I was working and I was thinking about what if Shannon came in and whatd I say to her. About 3 hours later I find out she went into Shop-rite (food store where I work) by herself to buy a cheesecake. She and her fam goto Pathmark (another food store) and she'd never come esp. knowing I work there. However, I didnt see Shannon as I was on break. It was just really weird ...all these things happening. My friends are telling me at least shes thinking about me. Which maybe true I guess.

 

I decide to break my 3 month silence and I IM her a few days ago, after 10 minutes I finally get a reply and we talk for like 45 min or so. small talk you know. She seemed nice and what not. Today I sent her an IM and she never replied. I dont know like its been a few months now but this girl has my heart and it still kills me. Especailly when all my friends have g/fs and im sittin home bored because i messed up with mine. My question is now like where do i go from her? Should I still try to talk to her? I wanna text and call her but I dont know. Another thing is January 27th is comin up - it woulda been a year since i asked her out on the beach. shes gotta remember that right? I dont know I guess I know I dont have a shot in hell but I wanna open her up and talk again. I miss her alot. thanks for reading and the advice.

[Blue Skittles]

I've been through this stuff with a few guys, and so this advice comes from the girls perspective - I hope you don't mind.

 

You completely blew her off the first time, and so when she did come back to you, she is guarded. Shes not gonna let herself fall again. And then she finds the emails. She is hurt and destroyed once again. She turned to this guy as a rebound, someone for emotional support, to make her feel loved and cared for. She felt that you didn't care.

 

I can't say for sure if you will get her back, but its not looking good. If you do get her back, she will be different. Probably a bit jaded, probably not willing to let herself be attached to you anymore. Keep talking to her and see what happens. But also respect her space. If you do get her back, treat her like she is gold. Flowers are good too. Girls like that.

[coderedx93]

Thats exactly what happened. He was a rebound. But how long do rebounds last? I really want her back in my life - im trying to talk to her and get her to open up and trust me as a friend or whatever. Should I just continue IMing her or should i text her or even call her?

[coderedx93]

anybody? what would you do in my shoes? just give her a call or IM/text her? How would you handle it if you were me?

[pothead]

anybody? what would you do in my shoes? just give her a call or IM/text her? How would you handle it if you were me?

Its funny you and I are very alike with the way we destoryed our girls trust. I will tell you the best thing is to move on, there is no telling when the "hooneymoon" stage of the her new beau will last. I have been going with the same heartbreak as you, where she runs off with someone who has been hitting on her for a while. Let me tell you it is hard to win her back...for now.

 

All you have to do is leave her alone, let her forget you.....let her miss you...but again she is with someone else, why do you want to continue to talk to her?...move on find someone else