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Background info: Met up with a girl at a concert start of november, turned out she was the bassist in one of my best mates band. So we hit it off, became good friends very quick and two weeks later we were going out together. She had a really rough holiday period, at times it was too much for her to deal with. She grew very distant over the past two weeks. So saturday night she ended it, her reason being she can't be in a relationship right now. We weren't even going out 2 months. She said the next morning she was already regretting it, but being single is so much easier for her right now. She wants to remain good friends though. At first I was mad and I wouldn't give her an answer on that, but now I've come to realise that if she couldn't give it 100% it wasn't going to work anyway. Part of me wants to be with her, but that part is getting smaller by the day. Now I want to go back to being friends, the way we were so happily before. It's only been a couple of days, and I was going NC for a while in case she changed her mind, but I think now that she won't. It'd be back to square one and would end in hurt again, and I think she knows that. So even though it's only been a couple of days, should I contact her and tell her that I'd really like to be friends again? If so, can you help me phrase the message, I've got my draft below.


Hey ____. How are you, how you getting on? First off I'd just like to say I've done some thinking, and if this is what you really want then ok, you know what's best for you, and I can understand now. I'm missing you, we had good times which I'll hold onto, but I could sense lately it just wasn't going to work out. I was emotional and stupid sat night, and I apologise. I really enjoy hanging out with you though. So what do you say we make a fresh start again as good mates?

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Hello Swish,


Say, there are some threads that have been posted by samross, (I think you can search them.) and he is going through a very similar situation. ie: his ex is in a band with him.


He is doing well with it, and they are still jamming and friends at the same time...


Check it out man.


Best wishes and good luck with the music and everything!



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Thanks. I appreciate you pointing my posts out to him. It feels good knowing that some out there understand.



One thing I've learned is that as a musician we have a secret tool to help us through our pain. It's MUSIC. Even though some of it will bring tears to our eyes and cause us to start pining it can also take us in another direction if we let it. For now, try to be friends with her. That is the foundation of any relationship. Think of it this way - - friendship is like the foundation of a house. On that foundation you build something special. One day a fire comes along and destroys that which was built, but the foundation is still there. Foundations aren't made of wood. Same with friendship. BUILD AGAIN! If the foundation won't hold it then find a good place to start a NEW FOUNDATION. I struggle listening to my own wisdom but it is really true. It sounds like she wants to be friends - - same situation as mine. You love her and she say she's not in love with you - - same situation as mine. I would tell her you really want to be friends. First I would give it some breathing room. Then let music and nature take their course....

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