Friends or more?

[GuitarHero]

Hey all, I'll just launch right into it and try to keep it short. I have been friends with this girl for about a year, and she has been dating one of my friends for about that long. We both met her at the same time but he had the stones to ask her out first. Lately she has been posting a lot of stuff on her blog (poetry especially) dealing with how unhappy she feels, like she can't feel the love she once had, how he never seems to make an effort. I can tell she is not happy where she is, but she feels like she owes her bf so much because she had a lot of family problems and went to live with him for a few months, although she has her own place now. I care about her deeply and we can talk about anything because we connect on every level. If she was to decide to be with me, I would love that more than anything in the world. I will state right now that this post is NOT asking how I can "steal" her away. I would never interfere with someone else's relationship, and I don't believe anyone has the right to. What I am asking is for advice on what I should do. I only want her to be happy, if it was with me it would be great, but even is she was happy without me that would make me happy as well. Advice?

[shikashika]

Does her boyfriend know about her problems?

 

Even if you are only trying to help... he MAY become jealous that you are spending a lot of time together 'talking'

 

Do you only know about her troubles from her myspace.. I'm not very familiar with myspace but, but perhaps if you are on it too.. you could drop her a message saying something like ' hey hope things are going well with you , feel free to contact me if you need a chat'

 

would you say you are on 'good friends' terms with her... good enough friends that you can say things like that to her? If not.. she may think its strange that you barely know her, but then want to talk to her about her troubles.

 

Even though you say you don't want to steal her away... do you think that possibly the only reason you do want to help her is because you had/have more-than-friends feelings for her?

 

I doubt you would have the same urge to help her if you only though of her as a buddy/aquaintance...

 

What do you think?

[GuitarHero]

We are good friends, we talk about everything. her bf knows about how she feels, but I think he is just ignoring it and hoping it goes away. He is not the jealous type, I hang out with the the girl alone all the time and he's okay with it cause he knows I would never try to make a move. Even if I didn't have romantic feelings for her, I would still be concerned about her happiness because we are close friends.

[redding500]

Out of respect for your friend, and for yourself, I would maintain some boundaries in your relationship with her. I hear you playing down your feelings, but they sound far more weighted in the romantic direction than the platonic one. If she starts confiding in you about her boyfriend, and the problems she's having with him, well then you WILL BE INTERFERING. So be a friend to her, but stay out of any kind of triangulation.

[renaissancewoman101]

If she is confiding in you then that is a good thing. Help her out and be there for her as a good friend. You are a good person to be able to be there for her in her time of need.

 

Sometimes people who are having problems with a relationship need a sounding board. That is not a bad thing.

[shikashika]

Out of respect for your friend, and for yourself, I would maintain some boundaries in your relationship with her. I hear you playing down your feelings, but they sound far more weighted in the romantic direction than the platonic one. If she starts confiding in you about her boyfriend, and the problems she's having with him, well then you WILL BE INTERFERING. So be a friend to her, but stay out of any kind of triangulation.

 

I agree with redding.. if she says on her myspace that she is having troubles with 'love' then quite clearly that is something to do with her boyfriend (your friend) If you begin to be her confidente then he WILL come up in your therapy sessions. Should your friend find out... you may find your friend drawer bit emptier.

 

If I found out that my boyfriend was telling his problems to my girl friend I would be upset... at both of them. If this girl is alrady having problems in her life.. you don't want to create more.