Jump to content

6years "The breakup" love-hate relationship


Recommended Posts

I don't think he can hear anything i have to say at the moment because he is just so involved with this other group of people and they have been there for him when we have had our arguments and apparently he used to call his friends for advice and now... look where i am... his friends gave him strength to walk away... thats great isn't it!

 

Another this was he invited me to his cousin's christening… then I said its my dad’s birthday that day but I will see… then he goes I don’t know if I will be able to make it myself I might go car racing? Seriously what is that??? Is he all there.. i am so getting mixed signals.

Link to comment

Hi,

 

We have a bit of a situation now... I just wanted some advice on how to handle this situation:

 

My x got home at 7am and i was asleep on the couch.. and this time he had a male friend from his work with him but i didn't know...

 

I find it strange how my x couldn't drive his mate home as it was 2km away from our place but they detoured past our place to ask if he could drive him home in my car because his arms were hurting???

 

Well i agreed and he asked me if i wanted to go for a drive with him to take him home... i agreed. Then after when we got home which was around 8am i was watching a yoga program on TV and he asked me if i was coming to bed... i said yeah maybe after this show in 10-20mins... anyway he came out in his red jocks and asked... lol.

 

15 mins later i went to bed and within an hour he was rubbing my legs with his legs... and then left his legs on my legs whilst he fell asleep... also he asked if i wanted cough medicine...

 

What is the STORY??? HELP ME PLEASE CLARIFY WHAT IS GOING ON?

 

Another thing was i went for some retail therapy today and he called to ask what time i was coming home and if i could grab some food... then when i get home he sleeps and doesn't feel like eating... what is that seriously?

 

I am going out tonight clubbing with my mates and i look good... lilac skimpy number which i bought today... i look gorgeous and my x is sitting on the couch i might go and watch tv with him before my mates come see if he says anything.

Link to comment

It sounds to me like you are both playing passive aggressive games with each other "come hither...go away"..."Don't I look sexy...go away". That is not helping your relationship. You both need to sit down and talk and stop the games. You are both trying to get under each other's skin and that is not productive. You both give signals that you want to be with the other person and then you both give the 'go away, we are through" signals. I bet he is just as confused as you. This needs to stop and you both need to talk.

Link to comment

ok... if i sit down and speak with him and i get rejected again then what do i do? He is on a high at the moment getting the best of both worlds... i am not a "PARTY GIRL"... if he is to be with me then its me only... i am not going to compete with other women out there when he should know in his heart that we can make it through but i keep on getting rejected from him by his reinforcements...

 

He didn't end up going out tonight... i feel guilty that i did but i had fun... just like he did yesterday so why should i feel bad... When i got home at 5am he was awake and pretended he was asleep on the couch... its like he is mirroring me now.

 

He didn't say anything about me looking good or going out... he is the one who should say stop... if he is into me... a guy should jump leaps and bounds just like a women...

Link to comment

as long as you are living together it is going to be very hard to break up... you have to decide how important it is for you to reclaim your life rather than being stuck in 'maybe yes, maybe no, i love you, i don't love' games with him...

 

this could go on a long time, and one day he will come home with another girl, or stop coming home becuase he is with another girl... i suggest you don't toy with this any longer, do whatever it takes to settle up on the property, sell it, and move on...

Link to comment

I agree with BeStrong, if you are afraid of getting rejected again, then don't talk to him, just do what it takes to get out of there. However, instead of thinking of it as rejection, why not think of it as you doing everything "by the book" so that if he says no, you can walk away with a clear conscience knowing that you tried to do everything possible to fix this. However, if you talk to him, it has to be in a kind way, a direct way (no petulance and passive aggressiveness). Talk about how unhealthy the situation is, how you both made mistakes, how it is clear that you both still have feelings for each other, and that you would like to work things out if he too is willing. If his answer is no, so be it...you can walk away with a clear conscience. If the answer is no, then I would then continue the conversation with how you two are going to sort out the property. But do it amicably, no hostility, no tears, just in a matter of fact way. Start getting yourself a game plan for getting on with your life.

Link to comment

Yeah... i think its a bit early to be having those conversations with him because he is still resentful and angry... he is pensive and acting hot and cold with me... if i confront him i will scare him and ruin how amicable it is currently.

 

I am moving on in my life... i have said to him that if two people love each other enough they will work things out but that was in regards to my cousin's relationship which has just ended.

 

The question i guess now is: Do i go overseas for a break for a good 3-6months or do i keep in contact with him?

 

He hasn't left the house for 2 days and he has been just looking at HEAPS of porn websites? What does this mean now?

Link to comment

And he has called me twice today

 

1st call - was did u take the garage key because he was running late 4 work

 

2nd call - I may have a spare ticket to australian open (tennis) on thurs night if ur not busy but i need u to pretend u r a client... then he asked me because today i said the lawyers opened up he was wondering if i had spoken to them yet... and i said no because im busy at work.

 

Does anyone know what is taking place here?

Link to comment

He knows i have rejection issues... from the whole adoption thing and i always get what i want etc...

 

I spoke to him tonight about the whole relationship and he was saying things such as:

 

1) I have only slept with 2 girls in my life and now i want to enjoy being single and that he also now want the best of both worlds??? like i did when i was 19???

 

2) I confronted him about the leg touching he said "did i do that?" and i said yeah you did he said there are plenty of times where i just want to hug u but that is all... i think i remember what u r talking about... i know u r dying to jump me and rip off my clothes...???? * * * is that?

 

3) I said well at least i can now leave saying at least i (and then i was going to say try) then he interrupted and said don't say try because that will offend me. I said i am going to give up fighting for this...

 

4) He said, put yourself in my situation I gave it 100% and u didn't.. u abandoned the relationship for 8mths and i was alone and now i am moving on... i don't want a relationship but i will look for other people but i am hurt and not open because i have trust issues???

 

5) He said with my family being angry its pushing us further away because he thinks that they were supposed to understand the situation

 

6) He said that i don't listen and dont communicate.

 

7) then ironically says, if you can show me and explain how this can work especially when i put in 100%... i said if both of us are going to make this work it requires two to give 100% he said he can't offer 100% now.

 

8) He said he needs to move on because he cant wank everynight

 

9) He said, i need to find out who i am

 

10) We can be friends and thats all...

 

11) He said i should be speaking with him to get closure...

 

12) He is also scared that with our history if we were to get back together that the past would come up in arguments.

 

So, now settle and get out! I have to do NC because this is just a head screw... he is doing my head in... i feel i am trying but he isn't seeing it this way.

Link to comment

True but when he says this comment below straight after I try its never good enough:

 

3) I said well at least i can now leave saying at least i (and then i was going to say try) then he interrupted and said don't say try because that will offend me. I said i am going to give up fighting for this...

 

I don't get him... because the more i try the more he distances the more i pull away and start to run from him he pulls me closer... but still wants to break up... Do u think this is about being FREE??? Heal wounds for me and him?

Link to comment

He doesn't want you to pull away and yet he still wants to break up. It sounds to me like he just wants his ego boosted when you run after him, so if you pull away, he is losing the ego boost. He wants you on his terms. Don't feed into it. He told you he wants to break up, so give him what he says he wants. Let him live with the consequences of pushing you away. Time to walk away. If you are meant to be together, you will come together in the future. Right now there is too much crap going on and only distance from each other will remove the crap so that you can both think about things with a clearer head.

Link to comment

So do I?

 

- Organise a dinner for 2 for his birthday?

- Do i go with him to the tennis tomorrow night?

 

He wants me to be friends with him though... how can i avoid him at home? and do i not answer his calls anymore?

 

So just ignore him totally now... push him right away yeah? Reject all the things he wants to do with me?

 

The good news he hasn't called me today... but the day is not over yet i am going out tonight and catching up with some friends so i won't be home early.

 

I want to thank you for being there for me... because sometimes at home i just explode and come and type this to you looking for answers... so let him just go...

 

Well i also tried to speak with him about the property how i want what im entitled too and he is trying to bargain with me on 10K less and allowing him to keep some of the communal contents... is he still playing games? How can this be done so that he is not pushing my buttons?

Link to comment

sounds like your guy has fallen out of love with you. I hope your able to settle the house soon. You need to get out , it's unhealthy for you and him. You don' t need to be around a man whose acting egotistically, revengeful, and bringing/hanging with skanks, it's very immature of him ( especially for a man of 31)gee..that's nuts.

 

Good luck.

Link to comment

Jared and I were buying this really nice car. we were to go get it the day after we broke up. jared bought the car, and uses it to get women. the day we broke up he told me that I shouldnt get half the car if we break up, because he makes more than I do. I just think a lot of men are the same. and I wish the best of luck to you, and I hope you find one of the good ones someday. also I feel it would probably be best if one of you move out. so you can move on with your life. i feel better now that I dont have jared everyday still kissing me and holding me, but telling me that he doesnt want me. it is easier to move on.

not any of my business but have you thought of selling the house and splitting the money so each can of you can buy or rent a new place?

Link to comment

Heard this song on the radio this morning:

 

KIM WILDE - YOU KEEP ME HANGIN' ON LYRICS

 

Set me free why don't cha babe

Get out of my life why don't cha babe

'cause you don't really love me

You just keep me hangin'on

 

Set me free why don't cha babe

Get out of my life why don't cha babe

You don't really need me

But you keep me hangin'on

 

Why do you keep a comin' around

Playing with my heart

Why don't cha get out of my life

And let me make a brand new start

Let me get over you

The way you've gotten over me yeah

 

You say although we broke up

You still just wanna be friends

But how can we still be friends

When seeing you only breaks my heart again

 

Get out, get out of my life

And let me sleep at night

'Cos you don't really love me

You just keep me hangin'on

 

You say you still care for me

But your heart and soul needs to be free

And now that you've got your freedom

You wanna still hold on to me

You don't want me for yourself

So let me find somebody else

 

Why don't cha be a man about it and set me free

Now you don't care a thing about me

You're just using me - Hey, abusing me

Get out, get out of my life

And let me sleep at night

'Cos you don't really love me

You just keep me hangin'on

You don't really need me

You just keep me - hangin'on

Link to comment

I just wanted to let eveyone know that i had another awesome night last night.. I got home at 2.10am and i had to go to work today and feeling the pinch today but it was worth it... It was worth being happy from 7pm-2am to then realise i was going to be going home to my x and that felt bad.

 

I felt bad because i can't be open and trust him anymore and not even as a mate to say hey come with me to check this out and then we can go and hang at the beach and have a few drinks...but its too difficult to do that with him now... he is just acting really hot and cold and you know what i wish he would just stay cold because it makes things easier!

 

The house will be sorted in the next week praying that God answers my prayers because i can't handle seeing him its too hard.

 

He was up when i got home and i was outside texting my friends (i tried to avoid speaking with him because i was just so disappointed in me for falling for a guy who I thought really loved me and would stick through thick and thin). I really need to stop reminising about it all because "could of" "what if" is all wrong...

 

He was different this morning when i said "Good morning... Happy Birthday" again cold rolled over and said thanks and went back to sleep.

 

He needs to sort himself out because i didn't cheat on him he can try and justify that in his head but the definition of cheating is:

 

To act dishonestly; practice fraud. I didn't do this!

 

To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards. There are no rules in relationships as they are not games.

 

Informal To be sexually unfaithful: Well i didn't do this either so he needs to get over himself because he cheated not on me but himself.

 

Its all just crap... everything he says to me is crap!

 

He doesn't love me. He likes that girl from his work MAC like i was CLEO im not stupid he can try and twist it whatever and if he wants... i would have so much more respect for the guy if he was just damn honest... THATS WHAT HURTS!

 

He can not shed a tear, he can not feel nothing he is so damn numb... I have tried and tried and tried but he just shuts down... so time for me to shut down too.

 

Its so sad, we could have had such an awesome time for his birthday at Silks or Koko for dinner followed by a Gondola ride on the yarra.. that would have been something to remember but now he feels nothings so i can't even do that he doesn't need me anymore and thats ok someone else will get to share this experience with me one day.

 

I am remaining positive... i respect my body and the person i have been with for almost 6 years and i don't need to wank, im eating healthy, i have lots of friends again who love me the way i deserve to be loved, support me and care for me and show this. I deserve to be in a happy relationship where my partner respects, loves and is passionate with me...

 

If a person offers you their heart in exchange for your own don't do it... your heart it to valuable. If it feels right to say the three words... say it don't be forced to say it, go with the flow of life and if there are early warnings get out before its too late!

Link to comment

I want to get complete by writing this

 

Today is the 1st hurdle it is your birthday and happy birthday. 2nd hurdle - 17th of Feb which was supposed to be our 6 years... you love watching that one collapse don't you... 3rd and final hurdle MARCH 10 - My birthday!

 

It is going to take time to heal my broken heart. I can't look at you as a friend right now because its too hard and i hope you understand this.

 

I don't need a quick fix to get over you...like you did with me! I know that i will survive and i will not deny my feelings of love for you because i will not lie to myself. I don't need a flashy car, cash, rings, diamonds i needed love and respect. My family will always love you and I will always love you for the person we used to know as not the person you have become.

 

Why is is so hard to be honest with me and listen to your heart? No the hard head is back and it's not the person who i fell in love with... yeah here comes "party boy"!

 

I made so many excuses for you, I always defended your behavior, I always thought you could do no harm...but you did and it wasn't to others it was to me. Im stiff when i go out... i drink a little to losen up... i try to learn how to dance from people and as they touch my hands they trembled... yeah this was SATURDAY THAT JUST PASSED! I have never ever ever felt this way before ok... so cut this * * * * out because if you love me stop hurting me!

 

You can't recognize real love because its in front of your face at our home which we build together... We were building our future together.. You don't care about the world around you right now. You are not thinking about the dreams in your yellow notebook from last year... yes i saw it and we shared the same dreams... i want your dad to stop working, i want you to go out with your mates and have friends, i want us to work at this relationship we once had... but you have a choice throw it away or we can work at it... because that is what a relationship is about PERSISTENCE NOT resistance...and looking at it now maybe you weren't ready for a relationship.

 

We could do this together but you see chicks, s and cars as a priority instead of making a difference with with who you are in this world...and not looking at the impact it has on you and others in your life... WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY COOKIE! WHERE HAS MY BUBBY GONE???? DID HE DIE??? I ask you because i loved him and he was a bigger person than who you are being now... you are not as big as what you think and show right now! You were stronger before and this is mentally not physically because we all know why you are trying to get advice on "picking up chicks", "how to get them" blah blah blah... f u, go and get your fix because i am done!

 

Do you ever think of me? do you hope its me the one who is calling your phone? do you miss our chats? do you miss my laugh? do you miss me waking up beside you and giving you a cuddle "Goodmorning bubby"? do you miss us? do you miss me as a friend? do you miss our dinners and friends that used to come over? Do you miss going out to restuarants and coffees? do you miss my family? did you find someone to talk to and get things out of your chest like you used to do with me? have you realized our fate was and is in your hands and you just don't even try? do you know that i realized we had broken up two weeks after it happened?

 

i wouldnt have all these questions in my mind if you would have at least tried!! even if things didnt work out, i would respect you more for standing up for us especially now. I love you; but be very mindful that i also love myself and don't deserve this treatment from you.

 

Letting you go is going to be the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

 

If you are the man i know you are please show me that you will find me calling out to you... I want you to find my postings... it is all about you and all about me... and if this means something to you... do something about it... be the bigger person in all of this...

 

When you are searching for the Cleo you once fell in love with please contact me because i know where she is... i love you... i am not angry i am frustrated.

 

Don't use this against me "oh... she loves me everyone check this out... my x is writing about me she wants me bad..." blah blah blah... watch this i can get her to do this that... if you care... START SHOWING IT AND YOU WILL BE surpriseD!

 

If you love and care for both me and my family... show it... because its just not "us" hurting out of this.

 

xxx GIVE IT TIME TO HEAL... WE CAN BUILD TRUST OVER TIME... xxx

Link to comment

ok...

 

Step 1 - he called me today to see if i still wanted to go to the tennis... as hard as it was for me "i declined"... i said... its too hard for me because i am hurting... i am pulling away from you 100% i don't need to see you or speak to you... you have friends so get them to go to the tennis with you... I don't see you as a friend and i am sorry... i need my time to heal now. I don't trust you anymore and i am sorry.

 

He said, why are you withdrawing your communication with me... you are ignoring me... I said you have choosen for things to be this way and i am choosing to heal now... I want to sort this place out so i can get out of here because it is too hard.. he said "i had no choice but to get independent in my life" i said i don't want to go around and around in circles with you... he said have i done something? I said no.

 

I am at work and busy... he said when can we talk about this... i said you are at the tennis tonight so.. i don't know... then he tried to say why are you mirroring my actions... I was thinking... "GAMES"!!!!! Enough already.

 

My dad is going to see if he can catch up with him today so we can get this house sorted. Then i said i have to go... I am at work and need to go he then said "thanks for calling me back".

Link to comment

ok... so i will close now by stating that i am doing what's best for me now:

 

1) I really need to discover who i am... and be patient and accept that this will take time i will go through my up's and down's but i will be independent again. Take care of myself... get my pedicures done, nails done, hair done, massages done, finish my degree, get all these things i made a committment to do and do them. Otherwise this will reflect in my relationships with people. I need to be confident and love "me" before i can love another.

 

2) Its ok to let him go... i am being selfish, fearful and resentful... this is why i feel i can't trust him. i really need to give this up as it will make me a better person and a stronger person! I have to stop my "ACT" from running and ruining my life.

 

3) I have to start showing my love for him by just letting him go and give myself time to heal...release him from his hurt and unhappiness. I don't want to lose him totally out of my life. He has been there for me but regardless as a friend who i love and care for I need to show my support to him for his choices and really be there for him...good and bad no matter how hard this is for me... if it is true love... it will prevail to be what its meant to be... if its not... then that's ok... at least i learnt to love. Its not ok "make my stories up" to justify where i am...

 

4) I don't want a relationship for at least another year... otherwise i will hurt someone... it doesn't mean i am not open to being loved it means i am not open to something new right now and that is the 1st sign of respecting myself and by respecting others. If others don't understand that at this point in time then that is ok.

 

5) My friends, family and other people in my life will not influence my decisions on who i choose to see... or what i choose to do... if they love me they will support my decision even if that meant a reconciliation in the future with my x. This is between me and him... i am taking my control back in my life.

 

6) Setting boundaries... on How i get treated? How i treat others? How i want to be treated? How others want to be treated.

 

7) Trust the flow of life and see that its all going to be ok...

 

8 ) Games and tests are not healthy... learning to trust and respect people for who they are rather than how i want them to be...

 

9) If something feels "unhealthy" make it "healthy" don't ignore peoples feelings

 

10) There are two sides to every story... even though i would love to blame my "X" for all this pain and anger i feel IT'S NOT RIGHT...IT'S NOT HEALTHY FOR ME EITHER. Making him wrong and making me wrong is a justification i am looking for to get comfort and avoid responsibility for what we both created... THERE IS NO WRONG JUST AS THERE IS NO RIGHT!

 

I'm not going to dwell on this as "oh my god...my world has collapsed...." it hasn't collapsed at all... we can build ourselves to be better people and be better people towards each other... if things work out they do, if not that's ok too... All i can do is as long as he is healthy and happy and I and healthy and happy that is all i can wish for.

 

I really do love this person... I have realised i can't trust him because i can't trust me... and until i can trust me people will trust me. I am not going to punish him further away for how i am feeling and that is wrong as i am only punishing myself.

 

I am going to celebrate his birthday with him... its his birthday! I am going to do what i said i was going to do...

 

I am not going to feel guilty and deny myself of expressing myself with my selfish emotions of betrayal, hatred, guilt. Today is the day 19th January... 12pm where i have a choice to continue to punish myself or grow to be who i am meant to be.

 

My possibility i am inventing for myself is to be "loving" and "trustworthy"... this is who i am! I am going to move, touch and inspire people... through being open to listening without judgement be open with communicating without anger and resentment. I can do this because i don't need to punish myself through punishing the world and the people who i love the most.

 

It's time to get complete not about my relationship with my "x" but the relationship i have with myself. Then maybe I can get complete with my "x" in a year or so about the relationship we once had. All i can say now is "i'm sorry for who i was being..." but i am thankful for what i will become.

 

xxx

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...