A tricky situation, I don't know what to do

[ghostbuster]

Here's my problem. I've been in a relationship with a girl for around 2 months, and it's going pretty well. However, recently I have had very strong feelings for one of my best friends, who I have known for around 8 months. Although that doesn't seem that long she is one of my very best friends. This isn't the first time I've had feelings for her, as a few months ago I felt the same thing, but I did nothing as I was scared of ruining our friendship, and I knew another guy liked her and she was considering going out with him (nothing came of that in the end). I thought I had got over my feelings, and convinced myself that I was confusing love with great friendship. I got together with my girlfriend, and things were great until recently when my feelings for my best friend have returned, this time stronger than before.

 

I don't know what to do. My best friend sometimes seems like she's flirting with me, for example we often have arms around each other, and when we were watching TV together at a friends she was touching my back (I was sitting on the floor in front of her, and she was on a chair). I flirt with her sometimes, although I always feel bad because of my girlfriend. She never stops me flirting with her, but I guess I never do anything major. I don't know if she's just being friendly, or whether she does actually have some feelings for me more than friendship.

 

If I knew that she would want to be more than just friends, I would almost certainly end things with my girlfriend to be with her. I don't want to make any proper advances on my best friend in case she really doesn't feel like that, and I wouldn't want to do that to my girlfriend as I do care for her a lot. I don't want to end things with my girlfriend to try things with my best friend in case I end up with nothing. The one thing I definitely don't want to do is lose my friendship with my best friend.

 

I feel I should tell my best friend how I feel, not too dramatically, just tell her straight how I feel and hope that she will still want to be friends with me. If I know that there's no chance for us to be anything more than friends then I hope I will be able to move on at least partially. Is it the right thing to tell her? What should I do?

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey. First up, i'd like 2 welcome u 2 enotalone on behalf of everyone. I'm sure u've taken a nice step towards finding support and advice from many ppl of various ages from around the world which will be around for a while.

 

Isn't life all about takin chances? u shouldn't think bout things, just do it coz u kno, chances are u'll neva b able 2 predict the future. But life's just 2 short, screw thinkin twice.

 

What if he/she's just feelin what u're feelin, someone's gotta spill it out sonner or later, sure u might screw ur friendship ova for a while but at least he'll kno and u might get a chance in the future. Like me, i was in the same situation and now me and my really good friend's 2getha.

 

So what if u do screw up the friendship, if u're so close already, it'll just take some time b4 u're back 2 ur old friend style again coz like it's virtually impossible 2 drift away from best friends unless u don't do anything about it.

 

I think it's just u thinkin 2 much and worrying about things b4 they surpass but i suppose, sometimes ppl like 2 b prepared even tho there's just way 2 many possiblities lol "ooh.. the possibilities" - some sorta toy ad catchphrase. Anyway, right back 2 this, even if u do worry, somethin else u might not b prepared 4 might occur, then wouldn't it hav been a waste of time?

 

I think u should tell, coz u kno it's definitely the best way i reckon. Coz that way u wouldn't waste ur time, coz if she says no, u'll know what she feels sooner and plus, even if she says no, at least she knos u like her now so she could reconsider.

 

Don't think twice. Go for it. Like i said, life's way 2 short once u get down 2 it.

 

'luck

 

Happy Heb

[Mar]

I was in a similar situation once with my best friend, and how I did it was to just laugh once and say "you're the perfect guy, wanna date sometime?" to see what he'd say. (Turns out the feeling wasn't there on his part, but that was okay, because we'd been friends for about 8 years and I put it in such a way that I'm not sure he ever even knew I was serious.) But if you do it in a joking kinda way, it gives her an opening to respond seriously one way or the other, and if she doesn't have the feelings, you've lost none of your friendship by being all serious about it and making it into a huge issue. But if she laughs back and says "yeah, I do", THEN I'd get a bit more serious and tell her you meant what you asked, see what she says. Can't hurt, and if you're that close, she won't get mad, she'll be flattered that you were thinking of her in such a way. (Most girls would, anyway.....lol) Good luck

[ghostbuster]

Thanks very much for the advice, and also the welcome. It's great that there is a place like this where you can come for advice. I haven't done anything yet, I don't want to say anything to my friend whilst I'm still with my girlfriend, as I know from things she's said in the past that my friend wouldn't agree with doing things like that even if she does have feelings for me. I've recently been feeling like things aren't going as well as I'd like with my girlfriend, not just because of my feelings for my friend, and I really don't know what to do. I feel like whatever I decide to do will be wrong. If I do finish things with my girlfriend, I will definitely have a period of not wanting to do anything with anyone before I consider taking things further with my friend.

 

Thanks to both of you who have replied, it's good to know that I'm not alone in how I am feeling. I think that I will tell my friend how I feel sometime soon. I will try not to make it to heavy, just something I feel I have to tell her, and I'll say we can carry on as normal if she doesn't feel the same as me. Hopefully everything will work out fine.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

So sry... i got it the other way around...SO U'RE GOIN OUT WIF SOMEONE AND YET U HAV FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE?

 

Man u crazy? U willing to risk it all just for someone u've liked b4 when the person u can really be wif is infront of u. I mean u hav ur reasons and stuff but i just think that it's wrong 2 leave someone u already like and u did say "it's goin pretty well" for a friend u have. What happens if she doesn't feel the same and she thinks its wrong 2 break up wif a girl and hurt her feelings just for her. Would she feel bad about it? would she feel that u're a mean person even tho she'd b touched that u'd so much for her. But again, she'd kno deep down there's that chance that u might 2 it again, even 2 her and i kno u're probably not plannin on doin that but like they say "u can do it once, u can do it twice. once a theif, always a theif."

 

I reckon if u really like ur best friend that much, then u'd dump the girl u hav now regardless of what she feels, that would be a really *GOOD GUY* way. Coz right now it's just sounding *SLEAZY GUY WANTS 2 B WIF ANOTHER CHICK BUT PLAYIN IT SAFE NOT 2 LOOSE THE CHICK HE HAS ALREADY.

 

I kno that i might get things wrong and i'm really sorry for being sooo unsupportive but i hav really strong feelings on these kinda things.

 

Once again, really sorry.

 

Happy Heb

[ghostbuster]

Okay, don't worry. I got this place all wrong. I'm pretty sure I can work this out on my own.