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Is it worth it? AND proper standards?


laboheme
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1. Now that I'm single...I'm wondering, is it worth it to try to find other people to have a relationship with? I have 2.5 years remaining at this school, and once I graduate, there's no way I'm staying in this town, so unless we attend graduate school in the same area, we'll have to have an LTR for a long time until we start looking for jobs (and grad school can take a loooong time!). Basically, any relationship that I may start in the next 2.5 years will have to end. So I plow ahead and hope that the guy is in the same grade as me so that we can head off to grad school together (which is stupid, because it's so limiting)? Or do I give up on dating until I get to grad school?

 

And just to combine two topics into one thread...

 

2. What are the proper "standards" when looking for a significant other? I'm talking about the non-negotiables...My ex was absolutely wonderful as far as the romantic aspects of the relationship, so should I expect the same/more from any potential mate and not settle for anything less? Also, I've been catching myself setting my ideal standards too high and then realizing that my ex didn't meet many of them, yet I still fell in love with him (for example: education...he didn't exactly go to a good college his freshman year). But a future boyfriend should be an improvement from an ex, right? So should I be setting my standards higher? Yet I know very well that if I set them too high, I'll end up alone.

 

I guess my question for the second part of the post is...Where do you draw the line between being open-minded (and not ruling out some potentially great people) and lowering one's standards too much (and letting in people that you'll later regret having let in and kick yourself for not having high enough standards)?

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lol, 2.5 years away and you are already worrying about a breakup with a guy you aren't even dating yet

 

look, just go for it. life throws all sorts of surprises at you, you just never know. you may meet a guy who will gladly move to be in the same city as you. or, you may start dating a guy, but you'll break up with him after 2 years because he just wasn't the right person. so many things can happen, don't start worrying about things that haven't happened yet.

 

non-negotiables? well, that is for you to decide. for me, it would have to be a man who is gainfully employed or in school, no addictions, has good hygeine, and is kind to me.

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You are 20! Go out and have fun! Date around and see who you meet, try to live in the moment and don't think about something that is years away! I wish I would have learned this sooner, I made the same mistake when I was younger of being too concerned about what might happen to get out there and live my life. I know the thought of a painful breakup in a few years may suck but just imagine the experiences you may be missing out on between now and then if you quit dating. I say go for it girl!

 

As for non-negotiables. I think you should try and be open-minded and NOT compare new potentials to your ex. There might be certain qualities that they have that are better than your ex or certain qualities that are worse than your ex. I think you should make a list of things that are real important to you, things you cannot live without. For me these are things like non-smoker, college educated (or possibly self-educated), honest, respectful, kind, passionate. I then have a list of 'softer' qualities that i would like in someone but I could live without if there is a strong connection. I think you just need to dig into your heart and think about what is *really* important to you.

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