Ex-Girlfriend

[Ericson]

As with most people, I have a problem I wish to probe with your advice. As it stands, it's been nearly 5 months since my break-up. I've slowly, but surely gotten past the pain and the hardship of the break-up. Since then, i've limited all contact and hardly speak with her.

 

These last few days she's been asking me many questions, "how I am doing" "How i've been" "What have I been up to" - And although I make nothing of these questions, it bothers me that she has been asking me to go with her to places. Such as the mall, shopping, whatever.

 

What can something like that mean? I don't have any reason to believe she's interested in me, but I have reason to believe she's in a relationship with another guy. What do you think?

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

I think you should ask her why she wants to do these things with you.

[Ericson]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

I think you should ask her why she wants to do these things with you.

 

Because she still thinks I am "tight".

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Some people want to hang on to the friendship after a breakup, even though it might not be good for you... especially if they have found someone else, it is no longer painful for them, but for you, it might still be...

 

so i would just talk to her, and ask her why she is re-intiating contact... if she says she 'just wants to be friends', then it is up to you to decide whether that is good for you or not... if it still hurts you, or stops you from trying to find someone new for yourself, then i'd continue to minimize contact with her... there are plenty of friends for both you and her in the world, and if her friendship is stopping your progress or healing, you do NOT have to be friends just because she wants to, especially if she has a new boyfriend and it still bothers you.

[redding500]

She may be missing some things from her past relationship with you that she's not getting from the new guy. Which doesn't mean she wants to get back together with you, just that she wants to have the new guy AND the benefits of your presense without having to be in a romantic relationship with you. But hey, if it compromises your healing at all, I would suggest keeping the relationship on a level you feel more comfortable with.

[A_Friend]

As with most people, I have a problem I wish to probe with your advice. As it stands, it's been nearly 5 months since my break-up. I've slowly, but surely gotten past the pain and the hardship of the break-up. Since then, i've limited all contact and hardly speak with her.

 

These last few days she's been asking me many questions, "how I am doing" "How i've been" "What have I been up to" - And although I make nothing of these questions, it bothers me that she has been asking me to go with her to places. Such as the mall, shopping, whatever.

 

What can something like that mean? I don't have any reason to believe she's interested in me, but I have reason to believe she's in a relationship with another guy. What do you think?

 

I guess she has got bored with the current and wants to have both the guys with her ...My ex used to do the same with me and I always used to go back to her thinking that her mind is changed as I was emotionally inclined towards her and was all alone ...Only until last month when i came to know that she is cheating on me and have one more or two other guys in her life ..

 

I am not saying that yours is also like mine but make sure that you don't hurt yourself again and she doesn't play with your feelings .....

 

Best of Luck .

[Ericson]

: Update

 

So, talked with her a bit more, these are some quotes. " Everyday I think I made a mistake breaking up with you ". " I'm pissed at myself for what I put you through ".

 

Should I make anything of those words?

[redding500]

How did you respond and what was the subsequent conversation like?

[Ericson]

I said, "No worries, it's all in the past now."

 

Shortly after she had to go.

[A_Friend]

It's a good reply ..

 

But tell me something ,Do wanna go back to her ??

[Ericson]

Even if I wanted to, it wouldn't work out in the long term, we're both students.

[gabbyfox]

Don't let her put you on the back-burner,or use you as a back up

when things go bad for her! Not saying she'll do that,but please

be very careful,ok?

[samsam]

At the risk of writing a long winded response, I am hoping that you may able to take heart from the fact that your story sounds a lot like mine...hell, I might be able to learn something from you. (Skip to the last 2 paragraphs if you don't want to read my story and want simple advice)

 

I know exactly what you are going through. I was 18, at university and in my first real long term relationship that lasted over a year and a half. It was her's too. Her first kiss, first everything... Admittedly it wasn't all great -in fact a lot of it was more heartache than I have ever had. But it was my first and I convinced myself that we were made for each other...despite the fact that she used to crush me by stating that she found other guys very fanciable, telling other girlfriends how she wants to get to know 2 particulat guys. Hell, she told me she liked these two guys but she wasn't sure how much. I didn't care...I was infatuated.

 

For another 7 months we were on/off as a couple...not officially going out as a couple in public, just doing what all couples do but without our friends' knowledge. If we did coupley things, it would be away from the public eye. We spent all our time together, but went through spells of not talking to each other, where I kissed a two other girls, one she knew about. She didn't succeed with the other guys that she was chasing. She cried a lot but was over it quickly.

 

We had a summer holiday apart and decided that abstinence was best but maintained regular contact towards the end of summer. She was saying how much she missed me and that she wanted to spend more time with me etc... I was elated. Bear in mind that I was head over heels for this girl. Suddenly she drops the bombshell that she wants time apart from me, to spend more time with her girl mates. Yeah right?! I said, if that is what you need, ok. I acted as dignified as possible.

 

A week later I get a text to say that she is going out for drinks, nothing more, with another guy. * * * * *! I thought. What happened to your girlfriends?! Why string me along over summer and say all those heartfelt things...and now go galavanting with another guy who used to hit on her in clubs all the time...

 

I bumped into them on the street with my friend the same day. Kicking a wall and punching a fence, I confronted them and for once lost all my cool, telling the new guy to **** off as I needed to talk. He went smiling away. I lost it. Pleaded, asked why? Her response..."I'm just not attracted to you anymore."

 

I left it at that, swore at her, saying she'd need me, could never get any better blah blah blah. We barely spoke for a year. Although she kept trying to get in contact with me to talk and be friends. I kept leaving it but she sometimes still called when she was in trouble. I hated her.

 

One year on, I have had a few flings (3), nothing serious although would have preferred if I had. She is still on/off with that guy and has had various others in between.

 

We suddenly start bumping into one another again. Seeing more of each other. Her new guy has to go away for a while and we started spending more time together. I was now more mature, had time to get over the hurt...as you know, the hurt is unimaginable, to talk in a civil manner. We went for coffee and dinner, spoke for hours texting away. SHE WOULD ALWAYS CALL ME. In my arrogance/weakness, I felt that it was because she had discovered that she still wanted me. I felt I was in control.

 

Then one night I spent the night at hers and although nothing happened, we both felt the chemistry. This happpened several times, with the physical getting greater everytime, but we never kissed. Then that happened and she says "wow, that was the perfect kiss."

 

Two days later, however, she called me to say that there was no future and we should not do that again. Now I thought I had detached myself. Obviously, I was wrong, becuase as she said that my world fell apart...again. It didn't hurt as much as before but I was still into her. I wanted her. I don't know why. She irritated me. She was confused but somehow I was still attracted. So here I am in a bit of a quandry. But then I realised. Her other guy was coming back. She justified what she had with me because they were on/off. And with that her feelings for me were gone. She only wanted me because she wanted a guy around and probably wondering if I still liked her. Well she knows now and I am a sucker once again.

 

Personally, I say sever all ties. And if you do talk again, steer clear of getting to intimate and talking about the past. You won't necessarily realise it, but you will start falling for her again. And then when it's time to be apart, all that hurt will come flying back again. It's just not worth it. You have to show that you have moved on, have a new life, new interests and that she was a part of the old you. Even if she wants a shoulder to cry on, that is what the new guy is for. Let him have what you are finished with and enjoy your life.

 

Don't know how long it will be before I make the same mistake again mind...