What to do on this one

[martial]

So what if after talking about why we broke up after 7 years that it was all because all she wanted was for me to love her as much as she loved me and show her how important she was to me. What if finnaly knowing that it wasnt that fact of not loving her but being to ignorant to the fact and neglecting it. Now at the brink of disaster I know exeactly how she feels but am helpless to do anything about it. I cannot convince her to stay. and what do I do when without a shadow of a doubt this girls is the one. Is letting her go really the honest to god truth in this. Becasue my ignorance and neglect caused so much hurt and anger that she says she still loves me but is buried under all of it and she is scared that she may not be able to move past it and that she may be questioning if i am the one........DO I REALLY JUST LET HER GO........

 

So hurt, so confused and so much in love.

 

Its sad it took me to realize it and now she cannot her me....

 

thank you

[Thomas from Norway]

Hi, martial.

 

Man, it feels like we're in this together!

 

I have almost the excact same situation with my ex (except we've only been together for a year and a half). She's told me that she doesn't have feelings for me any more, but at the same time she says that she loves me in the non-amorous way. Just like you, I've buried her under tons of accusations and hard words - all of them spurred by my insecurity and fear - and I realize I don't mean any of them. I'm giving this one more go! I'll try to mend as much as possible, contact her via text or mail, and then go on to meeting her face to face. I know I can't be just a friend for my part, so somewhere along the way, we'll encounter the unavoidable crossroads. The ball will chiefly be in her court, of course, so I'll need to stay strong. Maybe we could support eachother?

 

Thomas.

[anggrace]

Well, I had a similar experience with my boyfriend of two years. I broke it off w/ him and felt sure about my decision (for similar reasons). I just gave up hope. At first he gave me some space, well, four days. Then he was persistent in telling me how much he didnt want me to leave. He fought for me. After another few days of this, I decited to give him another chance. I never felt I meant that much to him. I will say this though, I will not take him back time and time again. You only can wear a person so thin. Has she been telling you how she feels for a while now? Did you have a warning?

[martial]

Yeah she really has I was just to ignorant to listen. She said she feels asif she has nothing left to give and no fight left in her. But at the same time she has said that she does still love me. I have not honored her wishe of space until recently and I pushed and pushed to fight for her.....Which made it worse....She went on to say that she was considering us again not right away but it was a serious thought. but because I could not respecther space I have made her more angry and hurt and now thats all she can feel. and she said that she cannot even think of us right now due to all she feels is anger and hurt right now.....to the point of saying that if it came down to me and another guy she would pick the other guy right now cause there is to much hurt tied to me at the moment..But she also said that se is NOT looking for another guy or for somene to replace me. She said she does still love me and hasnt given up on us but just cannot think of it right now......

 

Oh what to do

 

have started my first day of NC

 

Can this work??

[Thomas from Norway]

Hi, martial.

 

First day of NC? Hmm... I've been in NC for a while longer. It gets better - trust me! I think you need to build up to a conversation where you both apologize for all the hurt, and start looking for practical and realistic solutions to your biggest problems. But take it slow! Give her time!

 

Thomas.

[martial]

Is it normal to think that she is dating another guy or looking for one even after she said she wouldnt and I know she would not do that..?

But still I keep thinking about it?

[Thomas from Norway]

Hi, martial.

 

I have the same thoughts. My ex told me that she was planning to stay single for a good while, but I couldn't seem to get thoughts of her dating or flirting (+ more intimate things) out of my head! You're not alone on that one, but I've come to realize that such thoughts are COMPLETELY useless and destructive if you need to stay focused and not call her 4 a.m. in the morning desperate for some peace of mind. Chase those thoughts away! She might be doing something with another guy, but that's out of your control. Go out with some buddies and live a little too: Flirt with the girls and let go for a while.

 

Did this help? Hope you feel better.

 

Thomas.

[Juha]

Same boat as you... SHe loved me with all she had and I never realized how I felt until it was to late... I fought for her and she rejected me so I went into NC for some time...

 

SHe wants me as a friend but I just can't do it, unfortunately... I don't think of myself as just her friend...SHe stays in contact every so often, I usually ignore it...

 

She is with someone else and happy I assume...

 

SO here I am realized how much I love her and nothing I can do about it...

 

Have been dating alot of women but no connections so far...

 

Give it your all for her to realize what she means to you, show her...

 

You will regret it later if you don't......

 

 

[martial]

Well I am on day 5 of NC. The Ex has been in a personal best course which made it easier. I am a little worried that this course is going to make her think that she does not want me in her life? Any thoughts any insight

 

My emoitons keep going in waves..moreso a dull pain right now but I get very down ever now and than....cannot stop thinking about all the good times and dreams we shared........

 

Hmm any help on this or my orignal post would be great

 

Thanx Everyone you have really made me feel not alone!!