I don't feel loved...

[Kantia]

Hi all,

Me and my boyfriend met over the internet, and he moved to where I was and we've been together for just over 3 years. There's been no shouting, abuse, or anything of the sort that's happened, so I guess everything has been ok...

 

Apart from one thing in my mind. When we use to meet up (When we had out long distance relationship) We use to be intimate every weekend, and in the first two years (When he moved to where I lived) we would have sex at least twice a week, but now, after 3 years... I'm lucky if I get it once a month, or even a cuddle if I'm feeling a little low. I'm always the one to imply if I want sex, and most times I go into the bedroom and do it solo.

 

His excuses are that he's tired from work... or he's too busy playing on his computer game with his friends. But his friends are the ones that use to live where he did, so I'd feel bad forcing him off there as it's the only contact he has with them.

 

So... all in all, I don't feel very loved by him, and I almost feel as if we're just best friends, which I don't want.. I just don't really know what else to do...

[lipostudio]

I met my boyfriend on-line and we were friends for a long time before getting together. One thing I've learned as a result is that it's hard to have a relationship progress in that way - he fell in love with your personality, your on-line persona, not the way you smell/look/act in real life. It's quite possible that you're not 100% compatible on a physical basis and, as the novelty has worn off of your relationship, it's starting to show. This is certainly what's happened with my boyfriend and me.

 

Have you tried sitting down and directly asking him about it? Having a conversation? If he feels like your best friend, it's something you should be able to talk about. It could just be a phase, or the natural slowing of physicality in a relationship over time, rather than my theory above - you need to speak to him and find out. If it's just a natural decline, you can make efforts as a couple to rekindle the fire. Sex therapy might be an option.

[Kantia]

Well we did meet online, we knew each other as friends for about 4 months before we decided to meet, and that's when he told me he liked me more than a friend, and we continued to meet up every weekend... And I suppose it's best to talk to him, but it's so hard to even get the words out, how would I start it without it sounding like a lecture?

[lipostudio]

"Honey, I've been feeling down about our lack of a sex-life. Sex is important to me because it makes me feel loved/connected to you/insert your own answer here, and when we're not intimate very often, I don't feel very loved. Is there something I could do that would help you to be more interested, or something we could try together? I know you're tired from work, so maybe we could try having sex in the mornings. Do you have any fantasies you would like to act out? Do you still find me sexually attractive? I bring it up because I really love you and want to be close to you and I hope we can work something out together."

 

Lecture? Didn't sound like one to me...

[TiredMan]

Did you ever go over to where he was when you lived apart or always him coming to you?