Well so much for that..good/bad who knows

[Weary]

I will try to make this as short as possible. A friend suggested to me to try a dating site. So I looked around for a few days, and found one that I liked. I threw up my picture and a profile...and I got some really nice responces/inquiries etc. (We won't mention a few weirdos..lol). So in this span of time I was talking to 5 or 6 different guys. All of which were nice; however, one struck me more than the others. So, I went out with this guy, we had a really fun time, and continued what I considered dating. It's been about a month and a half since our first date.

 

I have always been of the mind, regarding the question "Are we dating?", that if you have to ask the other person if you are, then the answer is pretty much no. So, for the last month he has been talking about me meeting his parents and friends, telling people (then telling me the conversation) that I am his girlfriend, etc. So I think at that point it was pretty clear to me ..'alright we are dating/excusive'. There were a few things that bothered me...but I had brushed them off as me being paranoid/over analyitcal, etc.

 

What were they?

 

1)Passive aggressive - I realize that most people do not like confrontation, or avoid it. However, he seemed to throw in the odd cheap shot about something, every other day. I would rather someone be rude and blunt, than have something 'bothering' them...and make jabs about it...then brush it off as a joke..or something inconcequential. I have not called him on any of it...as I didn't want to overreact. However, this is really starting to irritate me.

 

2) 'Everyone wants him' - Every person that is female he has mentioned has had some sort of crush or thing for him. I could care less really, but the fact that he has to continuously mention it, screams to me insecurity.

 

3)The bedroom - I do not expect a man to take off his pants and have a 10 inch package for me. He is below average in size...and to be honest that would be fine except I don't think he has a clue as to what he is doing. Normally...or at least in the past I have always been very open about sex. But with him...I just sit there and think...do I really have to teach a 29 year old man what to do? Do I have to tell him it is okay when he can't 'go' because he watches too much porn? I could go on and on..but I will save you all the discourse.

 

4) Nothing in common - I am not seeing a thing we have in common. I have a very specific hobby which I love..and one that he makes jabs at. I have never said anything negative about any of his hobbies. When I do talk about something, I usually get cut off with a funny story of his own. So I have stopped talking about stuff...then get questioned as to why I am quiet.

 

5) Beyond comfortableness - I have never been too fond of the 'honeymoon' stage, I prefer to get to that level of comfort. (Where omg if your hair isn't perfect...it is okay). I do realize that the honeymoon stage is important, and almost integral to dating. This guy.. completely bypassed honeymoon stage and went straight to gross. Suddenly that clean apartment has 5 days worth of dishes, 2 weeks worth of garbage, crap laying all over the place, farting ALL the time.

 

I did like him to begin with. Now I just don't want to be around him. So I have been thinking of ways to 'break-up' with him. I say break-up in quotations because...here is the clincher...he still has his profile active on the dating site. I erased mine about 3 weeks in (when the gf talk started). I find the whole thing rather ironic. I was struggling with my own brain ('am I being too harsh?" "Am I looking for things to go wrong?" "Am I being narrow-minded?" etc etc) when he has been doing god knows what.

 

I apologize for the length, I needed to just voice the irritation. But I do have a question. My little discovery about his profile gives me the cement to be just finished with him. Is it acceptable to do this over email? I say email because I really don't want to talk to him further, nor do I feel this warrents some huge discussion about it...as it has been a little under 2 months...not some 3-4 year relationship. Any ideas/tips/comments?

[honeyspur]

I don't think you should worry about what is "acceptable" - you are not trying to impress anyone, are you?

Do what feels right. Just realize he may want a face-to-face discussion - but something tells me if you picked up on his passive-aggressive tendencies, he will merely give you some sarcasm in his email reply, which you can choose to not look at.

 

Good luck

[kermit]

 

3)The bedroom - I do not expect a man to take off his pants and have a 10 inch package for me. He is below average in size...and to be honest that would be fine except I don't think he has a clue as to what he is doing. Normally...or at least in the past I have always been very open about sex. But with him...I just sit there and think...do I really have to teach a 29 year old man what to do? Do I have to tell him it is okay when he can't 'go' because he watches too much porn? I could go on and on..but I will save you all the discourse.

 

Big time warning signs.

[Budman]

Simple, if you are not happy dump him.

 

It's quite easy.

[Weary]

Simple, if you are not happy dump him.

 

It's quite easy.

 

If you read the whole thing, you would have discovered that was the plan. I was questioning the 'email' method.

 

"I apologize for the length, I needed to just voice the irritation....Is it acceptable to do this over email? I say email because I really don't want to talk to him further, nor do I feel this warrents some huge discussion about it...as it has been a little under 2 months...not some 3-4 year relationship..."

[Budman]

I so read the post but I so did not get that part. It must not have stuck

 

Never I say NEVER breakup with someone over IM or email (I had that happen to me once and it really really blows).

 

At least a phone call, but best to do it in person imo.

 

*unless you feel threatened physically.*

[Kalika]

Honestly I think you should just dump him any way you feel most comfortable. I think most people would disagree with me, and I'm sure that with someone you had more respect for you'd do it differently, but hey.. I'd definitely dump someone by email if I could avoid the awkwardness of that phone call.

[Weary]

Normally, I would definitely do it in person. And yes I know what it's like to get dumped on the phone (after 5 years and being engaged The guy is a text junkie...at the age of 29..lol. I expect that from younger people I suppose...I text rarely (mostly to see if someone long distance is going to be around for a phone call).

 

The reason I suggested email...is because of his obvious activeness on the site...it would seem redundant to 'dump' him. I mean...either he thinks we are dating, and he is cheating....or he doesn't think he is dating me...thereforeeee it wouldn't be cheating. And either way...he doesn't 'want' me...so I don't see the need for a discussion, and/or explanation.