Single Mom: Dating Tips

[LittleLion24]

Single Moms: Tips on Dating

 

If you’re a single mom and you’re currently dating, wanting to date, and/or are in a seriously relationship, here are a few tips on how to interact with your guy/date:

 

1) Never, ever accept instant messaging and/or text messaging as the primary form of communication. After all, this is how your kid(s) communicate with their friends! Genuine, mature, and AVAILABLE guys will use the phone. Email is okay but he needs to use the phone too.

 

2) Don’t bash your ex for the sake of bashing. This includes the first, second, third etc. date. The only time you can bash your ex is when your guy/date asks about him or wants to know about him. Otherwise it'll make you look like just another bitter woman.

 

3) Be cautious of Emotionally Unavailable Men. They will probably bring out all of your insecurities and cause you even more stress that you don’t need. (They are the ones that send you mixed signals, come and go, and disappear without any notice)

 

4) If you want a relationship and/or a serious relationship step-up and let it be known. Don’t sit back and wait on him to determine when and if things will get serious. If you don’t have time for a manicure, then you don’t have time to wait around for him either.

 

5) Don’t let your child(ren) get attached if you don’t think the two of you will last. Only you can determine when it is the best time to introduce your child(ren) and how much time they spend with him.

 

6) When the two of you are out for dinner SLOW DOWN and eat your dinner at a normal pace. Savor every bite of your dinner and enjoy your time away from your child(ren).

 

7) Let him drive you around for a change.

 

8) If he wants to fix something in your home let him. You know if you don’t let him it will never get fixed.

 

9) If you’re out with him and the child(ren) and he wants to push the stroller, feed the baby, put coats on, wipe faces/hand, etc., let him because this shows he could be trying it out to see if he has what it takes to be in you and your child(ren’s) life. Besides, it’s nice every once in awhile to have a break.

 

10) Pay attention to the little things that he does. For example, if when you return from a night out by yourselves and the first thing he does is check on the child(ren), you know he's sincere and has a huge heart. Excellent qualities.

 

11) ALWAYS appreciate every single thing he does for you no matter how small, medium or large. Tell him “thank you” and how much he has helped you out etc.

 

12) Make sure you keep a balance between what he does for you and what you do for him too because you don’t want him to think you’re taking advantage of him. (This is where we get bad reputations as single moms because too many take advantage of good guys which makes other good guys reluctant to date single moms).

 

13) Don't freak out if your house is not perfect and crystal clean when he comes over. He shouldn't judge you because a sometimes messy, disorganized house goes along with having a child(ren). And don't clean up while he's there either. He might think you have OCD!

 

NOTE: These tips come from my own personal experience. I've been a single mommy since the day my daughter was born and it's not easy to date and have a relationship when you have kids. I hope my tips are helpful. Let me know if I left anything out!

[rocio]

I'm going to keep this for future reference. Thanks.

[Portage]

Very insightful. I really like #5. Thx for the great pointers

[Budman]

I think you are forgetting a few things (this is just from a philosophical standpoint mind you as I've never dated a single mom)

 

Anyway,

 

1.) After awhile allow him some parental rights, if he has no possibility to be at least a small authority figure he has no possibility to be a father figure.

2.) Make sure his parenting style will coincide with yours.

3.) Remember to back him in some cases as the children could possibly try to strip him of his status.

4.) Try to look at issues between the kids and him logically. Depending on HOW he interacts with the children (such as #10) remember that children can look upon him as a threat, however, remember to protect your children its a very delicate balance here.)

5.) DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT talk about "I'm looking for someone to be a father" at least until your on a serious footing with him, However, reminding him that any relationship will and does involve your children should be done.

6.) Find a way to hint to him on things that he could help with, Potential long time single mothers may have it all "wrapped" up so to speak, so it may be hard for a potential candidate to see where he can help.

7.) Find ways to appreciate him, definitely have to HAVE to do this much more than a normal relationship (hey kids are a freakin burden and a joy (first one in june Yay!) Anyway, Yes suck it up if he likes basketball take him to a basketball game one day or something similar that you despise just to show appreciation.

8.) Even though technically he is disposable, don't let him feel disposable at any point in the relationship. If he gets one hint that its not expected to matter if he stays or goes that makes for uneven footing, but AT THE SAME TIME don't make him fit in the slot too quickly either. (Its a fine balance too early you can scare him off, but too late he might blow away this is true in any relationship).

9.) DO NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES make him or ask him to baby sit your children UNLESS it is a REAL emergency *such as someones in the hospital etc* You should never ask him to babysit while you go have fun EVER. However, if your mom is in the hospital (or just went) asking him should be ok, as he will understand.

10.) protect your child, but still trust him (if he is trustworthy) Make sure he will not hurt your kids intentionally. (Parenting is a learning experience, there will be times that he may "accidentally" do something wrong, you have we all have, deal with it. Heck my cousin hits her daughters head on things all the time, she doesn't mean to of course. (btw her daughter is perfectly fine!)

11.) Remember try not to burden him too quickly, make sure (or at least to attempt) to try to keep things pleasent and peaceful).

12.) if he should raise questions about your parenting style or have issues with a particular instance depending on how he states it do not get offended right off the bat. He may want to improve your parenting style. He may have suggestions. As I've said before try not to completely invalidate him, if you are looking for a husband/parental figure for your child you have to remember he WILL need a say. Granted it can't be too early, but it shouldn't be too late either. Again one of those fine balancing acts.

[Karhu]

- Be careful of where you have sex, and what forms of PDA you show. Children copy EVERYTHING!