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Is there truth to this or am I jsut being high strung??


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Ok I wasnt sure where to post this but it is with a guy ive gone on a couple dates with so i chose dating ;-)

 

Ok so here goes...the guy ive gone out with a couple times now in the past week has a weird little quirk.

 

He tells me that im beautiful and he isnt shy to name what he thinks makes me that way inside and out. But sometimes, he'll tease..and it gets to me. It isnt often but for instance last night he told me that a friend of his whom i met asked about me.

 

I asked in a joking tone what'd you say and he says "girl version of guy version" and i said "true version of course"

 

SO he says "well i told him we get along really well and that we click" (Weve been friends for a couple months)

and then..."And I told him that im really attracted to you and your body is beautiful" I should interject he is making this claim with my clothes on...its only been acouple dates!

But wait theres more...I was flattered and said sort of flirtatiously "oh yeah?" and he says "No, I told him youre huge" and a little giggle and then "of course i didnt tell him that"

 

Now im a curvy girl (true curves, this isnt some sneaky way of saying chubby...i have the .69 waist to hip ratio, well proportioned, size 9) so im not rail thin and in the past i had an eating disorder so im quite sensitive to weight comments.

 

DO you think im taking this way too seriously?

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Thanks..I guess most of me knows this..i mean he is very affectionate, touchy feely, tells me im beautiful, etc, etc and shows me he is attracted to me.

 

I guess im just wonderin gif under it all he thinks i am pudgy. I think part of this is that he is on the thin side and used to be a personal trainer sooooo...but he's actually made comments about liking that im not a stick and that i have something to hold when we lounge around or whatever.

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It shows how much of this is senstivity is coming from inside your own mind, because you are actually making a choice to give more validity to his "joking comments" instead of importants and relevance to the sweet, kind, flattering flirtatious, compliments he made about you. You can not give "importance" to his "jokes' and no importance to the kind flattering things he said..right?

 

Maybe it's a good time to go to a therapist and work through these residule issues, even though you are "aware" of your sensitivity, it might be a nice idea to get some "emotional tools" to give yourself some "balance"...

 

and remember you are beautiful, attractive, and he IS choosing to be with you right now.. so enjoy it, trust it, try not to "analyze it with an unhealthy past eating disorder sensitivity"... that can set the most sincere and innocent of relationships to fail.. so be careful.. he's just being a sweet, flirtatious, fun, guy..

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SO he says "well i told him we get along really well and that we click" (Weve been friends for a couple months)

and then..."And I told him that im really attracted to you and your body is beautiful" I should interject he is making this claim with my clothes on...its only been acouple dates!

But wait theres more...I was flattered and said sort of flirtatiously "oh yeah?" and he says "No, I told him youre huge" and a little giggle and then "of course i didnt tell him that"

 

I think you are little bit insecure about your looks (weight) so it provoked you. If he doesn't know that you are somewhat uncomfortable about your looks than he hasn't done anything wrong. He just didn't know.

 

He first said something about your personality, not your look - how you too get along really well and that you click. That's a nice compliment.

Also he said he's attracted to you.

So I guess the only thing he denied here is telling his friend about your gorgeous body (I assume because he tought you wouldn't like that conversation between two guys).

 

So if you were more positive about your body would you find that offencive?

If not, than it's about you beeing sensitive - but he'll have to learn that you are sensitive to that type of comments.

 

Also he has to learn that this is not the best way to flirt with a girl - saying the word fat in any kind of a context to a girl is just calling trouble.

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I think your guy said really great things to his friend, and I'd feel exactly the same about the weight comment. I recovered from anorexia about 8 years ago, after deep abyss of obsession with weight for 3 years and STILL any comment about weight (even, oh, you're looking so much better with a bit more cheeks, it's better than the skinny face you always have) will upset me for days. First of all, I have learned that this is just between my ears and it rarely ever tells me a negative thing in reality about the person who made the comment (the latter was of my mother in law who I didn't see for months).

 

I think he adores you and you are still dealing with that part of eating disorders and weight obsession that I am also occasionally struggling with. It's great that he loves your curves, I am sure you have a very great figure, very feminine and sexy. It's for you to learn how to love every bit there is to you

 

Arwen

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Most guys just don't realize how sensitive women are about weight issues. He just might be kind of clumsy in the flirting/teasing department.

Believe it or not, lots of guys (not me though) bug each other about fatness levels, their own and thier girlfriends. I've even been witness to a beer belly comparison event with a bunch of guys.

 

Remember that guys have an easier time losing weight than girls do as well, because of our body structure and there is a whole lot less stimga attached to guys being 5 pounds overweight or whatever.

Look around, guys wear baggy jeans and baggie hoodies as a fashion statement, girls are "forced" to wear those tiny little skirts and crop tops. (Don't you girls get cold ever? Isn't it annoying to have to sit cross legged all the time)

 

There are exceptions of course

 

ps: guys in general like curves - hips and boobs. I really don't know what this Paris Hilton thing is all about.

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Very helpful comments everyone, thank you so much!!

 

I know that a big part of this is a residual discomfort about my body left over from my bout with anorexia when i was 15-16.

 

I understand the guys point where I cant and shouldnt ignore all the wonderful things he says and does and zoom in on the one joking "bad comment".

 

But to the women..thank you for showing me im not insane! I think in any context..the words fat or chubby are never well received with women...even if it is in a joking manner.

 

Looking back, i think his comment "No i said youre huge" was him poking fun at me being surprised about him telling his buddy how attracted he is to me..kind of a way of saying "of course i told him that silly girl, what did you think, id say youre a whale"...

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I doubt that he meant that you are in anyway huge. It was a counter-joke. He could have said 'really ugly' or 'an axe-murderer'.

 

What he said to his friend was flattering to you and he was just adding a little tease at the end.

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WAY TOO SERIOUS!!

 

hes just a joking guy, dont take it personally

My man has a physicall hang-up and I always, always take the micky out of him for it, he knows that its a compliment, as if I actually had an issue with it, I wouldnt mention it.

 

If he thought you were overweight, he wouldnt bring it up, even in a joking way.

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Sounds like a simple joke, nothing more. Men and women simply see things differently in most matters, including humor. You should read a book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". As soon as I got past the first chapter and realized I wasn't reading a science fiction novel (lol), It helped me understand those differences. Now, I dont ask myself "what did she mean" nearly as often.

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