successful new relationship!

[antkojm1]

Reading post after post after post about people grieving over their ex, trying to get them back, saying they'll never love anyone like that again, will never be able to be that happy again..

 

This got me thinking. My relationship ending devistated me, completely. I'm starting over in every sense of the word. But I forgot, that before this one, there was another. I was completely in love before, for nearly a year, but it felt like forever, and it felt like I was going to die when it ended. But I got over it, and fell in love again. I didn't make the same mistakes twice, I made different ones, ones that took time to make.

 

So, I'm asking for anyone out there that reads this, if you have a story about yourself or someone you know being happy again, being in love again, being in a wonderful relationship with someone other than the ex you cried for, please tell us a little about it.

 

Everyone tells you "you'll get over it and you'll find someone you're happy with again", but few offer real stories of this happening.

 

Thanks.

[arwen]

Hey antkojm,

 

I think I fit the description you are looking for

 

Let me first explain a little background. When I first got on ENA, I was in a short relationship with someone who crushed my ego, not my heart per se. So when I refer to The Ex in posts here on the forum, it's about the only long term and serious relationship I have had before this one. The other three exes (oy... were more 'short intermezzos' (all relevant but not stories of heartbreak and despair).

 

I met The Ex in 1999 when I was doing my first year in uni. He was two years older and very much in love. We were each others' first love, although it took some time for me to feel that way about him. We were mutually committed to each other for about a year and a half. Then things started to fall apart- he became distant and I in turn started to be more clingy (far too clingy to my taste- I was surprised to be that way because I am kind of an independent loner type-a-girl). Long story short, he broke things off in 2001, we got back together after 2 months, he broke it off again in 2002, we again got back together but he wanted to be friends with benefits and see if a relationship would follow from that. Little did I know that he was already in love with another girl (someone who at the time was not available). I moved abroad for 6 mo. in 2003 and decided not to get back to him because:

 

* well, I got my heart broken 3 times by the same guy

* from a distance it all seemed so clear that his ego was bigger than his heart

* I realized he wasn't at all what I needed in a man

 

It took a seemingly ENDLESS time to get over him. I have been heartbroken and ripped to pieces so many times by him that it felt like the power over my life was in HIS hands, not mine.

 

It is 4 years later now, and in a month I will be celebrating my first anniversary with my current partner. I am insanely happy with my man, he takes care of me in the way that I need, he feels what I need, and I rarely have to ask. He doesn't want me to be someone I am not. Where The Ex used to comment about my lack of motivation to have a 'rich social life', My Man can connect to my need to be silent and on my own, away from the crowds. He knows my being sensitive and scared but instead of breaking me down, cornering me with arguments, he holds me tight if I feel I will be blown away by life.

 

I had no idea things could be so naturally between to persons, as I was used to having to force so many things. Me and him were housemates first for two years. When he confessed his feelings for me, I was applying for a PhD position and got accepted-- and had to move 200 km away. Although The Ex only lived a couple of blocks away, it always felt as if he was at a certain distance, no matter how close we'd physically be. With My Man now, I feel close even if he's living relatively far away (it's 2.5 hours house to house and we are always together in the weekends).

 

I am thankful for my experiences with The Ex. I learned a lot about myself, and crazy enough, I wouldn't have met My Man if it wasn't for the ex. The Ex was the one who introduced me to the persons who used to live in the house where I have lived throughout uni, it's how I got to live there and later how My Man got to live there. Some tricky play of fate!

 

Arwen

[locolady]

Thanks for that great story.....it really helps to hear a positive outcome and especially that you feel you learned a lot from your past relationships. Despite breaking up over a year ago (he cheated after 4 years) i am still devastated about my ex and i cant imagine ever being with anyone else. I feel that no-one will ever want me because he has shown that i am not worth loving. Thanks for your story, i will try to be more optimistic!