Those of you have been through a break up, how did you let go?

[Outdoorcrazy]

My gf and i broke up about three months ago, and i feel like i am doing fairly well. I know i have made alot of progress in movign on with my life. I am out having fun and keeping on going, but i still havnt been able to completely let go. I still find myself wishing i could have her back, and i just dont know how to let go any move on.

 

How do you let go of someone that you love so much? How to you give up that idea/hope of getting back together? How do you come to terms, and tell yourself that its really over?

 

To those of you who have gone through this, or to anyone who wants to comment, any advice is appreciated! Thanks

[blender]

ugh.. it takes time, it's an ebb and flow of seperating your "feelings" from the "facts".. it took me about a year after my break up to completely "let go" of that nagging "hope" but it was all my own thought process, and my choice to actually believe that the ex held some "key" to my happiness... which is absurd, and not realistic, but I missed the ex for a long time, even though I was busy, and in to my own life eventually, I still thought of the ex at certain moments, and sometimes for a few days, hoping, wondering, etc...

 

But then I'd remind myself that unless someone is making a loving, respectful, caring, loyal, intentional effort to be in my life, then it doesn't matter what I'm "feeling".. and what I "hoped' they "could" be in my life, the FACT is they are NOT that... not when they are not making the "effort" to be involved....

 

so that seperating of "feelings and facts" always helped me to "let go".... because realistically what are we "hanging on to?" other than the "hopes" of what we "thought" they could be? They "revealed" who they were, and it was NOT someone who wanted to share the same values, hopes, dreams, and effort to make it work as a couple.. no matter how magical it was in the "beginning" of the relationship, it's about the long haul, that is when the "real authentic love" rises to the surface and gets stronger, and it's also when the "romantic infatuations" start to fall apart or run away... "feelings vs. facts"...

[socal]

My ex and I broke up exactly 2 years ago... and this is the realization I have come to (at least in my situation).

 

The healing process is long and drawn out. You may feel that you're progressing and moving on. But when you look back at the 3 month mark when you're at 6 months, or the 6 month mark when you're at 1 year... you realize that you weren't as healed as you thought you were and you're more healed at the present moment. There are still times when I look at something and it brings back the memories of that person. I don't think that will ever go away, but with time you learn to deal with it and shake it off easier.

 

As for letting go... I think it all varies depending on the reason for the break up. For me, it was deception and infedility, so I needed to keep reminding myself that it wasn't going to change. Though we don't really speak anymore, I have learned to forgive him within myself and has taken a remarkable weight off my shouldersto not have that anger bear inside me. If you broke up on good terms, my suggestion is to believe that if it was meant to be, your paths will cross again naturally. Just remember, there's a reason why it didn't work out the first time...

 

hope that helps.

[rsxguy520]

Time my friend. just let time do its thing. im also at around 3-4 months. 2 months ago i thought the "pain/suffering" was still going to continue, but i guess once you hit the 3rd month mark, things start to turn around postively. as for me i feel better and on progess with moving on with life. im sure you are on the same track with me. you just have to completely let go of it. and once you let go, with no hope or anything like that, things will change for you. and for the better!

 

like what socal said above me, if the break up was in bad term, in my case, yes- cheating, lying, blah blah blah, remind yourself that and it'll help you move forward. but if the break up was on good terms then yes your path will cross again.

[mikeca]

working on new things, and new projects as well as increasing reading books and going to the gym again helped me through it.

 

Felt down, worked out, got that energy felt better.

same with books, but my knowledge increased.

[betrayedgirl]

Delete all his/her emails, hide pictures, etc.

 

And also remind yourself.. do you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? That helps some.

 

Also time is the key! It takes time, you can't heal overnight.

[Outdoorcrazy]

To all of you who have responded, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Its so nice to long on and see that people have responded, and will give there time to help me, someone they dont even know. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! My ex and i did split on good terms, very good in fact, we both went to different colleges and she just didnt have the same feelings anymore, combinded with the distance, it was just to much to overcome! I was lucky, there was no lying, no cheating, and no harsh words, just an end to a 1.5 year relationship with an amazing girl.

 

We always got along great, and had so much fun together, but we just wernt able to make it work.

 

I dont hold anything against her, but i still have so many feeling for her, and i just dont know how to let go of her. In all honesty is probably good that we ended it when we did, bc we have such different directions in life, her wanting to live in LA and try and make it in the acting world, and myself hoping to get picked up in Glacier or Yellowstone National Park as a wildlife biologist, i just dont know that it would have ever worked out.

 

Despite this, i still miss her, and find myself wishing that some how we would end up back together. I just want to be able to move on, and let go.

 

Thanks again to those of you who have posted, it has helped me alot, and its nice to know that people do care.

 

Thanks