to call back or not?

[tropicaliris]

Hello everyone,

 

as the title of this message shows im not sure if i should call my ex back or not..

 

background: its been about 5 months since our breakup, i haven't contacted him since month 2 post breakup since contact was too hard for me moreso when he found himself a new girlfriend (whom he is still with currently) even though he still wanted to remain friends it was too hard for me. So anyways.. I was back home (going to college out of state) for the past couple weeks for xmas break visiting family and friends and did my annual doctor visits (gyn, dentist, etc.) well on visit back home.. my gyn found my test to be "abnormal" (not deadly) and suggested me to call my last partner about the the results to let him know that he is carrying this abnormality (i was clean prior to this relationship). So i ended up making contact with the ex after 5 months of no communication for this reason recommended by my doctor.

 

The conversation went well.. a bit awkward regarding the reason for the call. After our conversation he asked me to call him back when i got back from my trip home.. I told him "Maybe when i get settled in.." nothing definite on my part.. I ended the conversation and havn't replied since.

 

Should i call him back? Would it be rude not to? I'm still unsure if I'll be able to be just a friend to him and if i should just continue my disappearance from his life? Part of me wants him in my life the other part of me is scared of being hurt again.

 

Advice?

[laboheme]

First of all, kudos to you for letting your ex know about the "abnormality"! It probably wasn't an easy discussion, but a necessary one nonetheless.

 

As far as the phone call, how did he ask you to call him back? Was it obvious that he said that just to be polite? Did he make it sound like it's important that you call him? Or did it sound like he wanted to talk about stuff as friends? If he sounded genuine, I don't think there's any harm in giving him a quick call once you come back -- just say that you remembered him asking and wanted to be polite. If he doesn't have anything interesting to say, you can end the call at your convenience and go on with your life. Since you already had a conversation with him recently, I don't think calling him back will further hinder your healing process. And based on the outcome of that call, maybe your feelings as far as friendship will become a little clearer...

[Firedancer03]

Don't worry about whether or not he would think it rude if you didn't call him back. Its still all about you and your healing. I'd say give it some thought and really think about if you are emotionally ready for just some friendly conversation (as friends). If you are still not sure whether or not you are ready to be friends with him yet, I would say give it some more time until you are emotionally ready for some chitchat as "pals" per se. If the thought of him thinking of you as just a "pal" makes you cringe, hold off on the phone call for awhile. If it doesn't bother you, go for it. But remember its all about you and what you want and what you feel is best for yourself.

[tropicaliris]

thanks for the quick reply!

 

As to how he asked, I told him after informing him of the results that "sorry our first conversation since a long time had to be this, we seem to always have awkward conversations lately.." His reply was "yeah we just don't seem to have a normal conversation anymore"

 

So somehow we started talking about my time home etc., how he was doing all that stuff and he wished me merry late xmas and when i told him i was gonna get going to get my dinner started he said "call me when you get back?" I kinda paused and said "um.. maybe when i get settled in?" he said ok. And I told him bye after that..

 

I think he just wants to talk to me about stuff it seems.. i havent talked to the guy for almost 6 months!