Is it possible to take things TOO slowly?

[TheGetUpKid]

When getting back together with an ex and they say they want to “take things slow” is it actually possible to take things too slowly?

 

I’m asking this question because my ex has just returned from Italy a couple of weeks ago. During that time she was away we were talking about getting back together when she came back. When we talked through email or the phone we would tell each other that we loved each other and referring to one another by our “pet” names. Basically talking like we were a couple again. Well, ever since she came back we no longer exchange “I love you”s and told me that she wants to take things slowly (which I understand why) but that she does still have feelings for me. We have hung out a few times and talk every few days or so. I guess I’m just really afraid of this turning into a friendship and not a relationship. There have been some signals that suggest that she may just be looking for a friendship and I’m just really confused. I may be just over analyzing our situation but I don’t know.

 

And heres a past thread if you want more background info:

[laboheme]

What are the signals that make you think she's just looking for friendship? As far as exchanging "I love you"s, it's one thing when you're doing it over email, and another when you're in person. It could be that she sees physical proximity as a big leap and thereforeeee is compensating for that by taking the "I love you"s away to ensure that things don't get too involved too quickly. I think you need to give it a little more time (or else list some of the other signs for people on this forum to analyze). If you still feel the same way then, maybe start making more romantic overtures and hope that she gets the hint...and if not, then it may be time for an open discussion...

[krnelson2]

I agree with laboheme. When the relationship was distant this was the only way she could truly show you she cared. Now that she is here, look at her actions. They speak louder than words.

[TheGetUpKid]

There has been a mixture of signals from her. The first day I saw her she initiated the first kiss. She invited me to her house for Christmas lunch and basically hung out with her the whole day. During that time she looked through my cell phone to see if I had any new girl’s numbers and asking me if I still had all of stuff from when we were together (pictures of us and such).

 

On the other hand, besides from hanging out with me those couple of times it seems she always chooses to be with her friends instead of me. She told me that she got hit on by a guy when she was to dinner and give him her number (I understand that we aren’t together but I still felt sorta weird when she told me that).

[Mavis VDSande]

She's probably just testing the water or curious to know your reaction with that guy giving no. thing. Otherwise she could have kept quite. Stay strong and carry on at her pace. In fact if you want you can decline one of her meet-ups with you at least once, to show her that you're busy with your mates too and that you're getting on with your life.

 

The more independent and laid back you are but caring towards her too, the more relaxed she'll feel about pursuing the rels further. It's like Majord's post on "baiting the ex".

 

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[TheGetUpKid]

So the ex and I talk about once a week. The conversations are always very light and fun so I guess thats a good sign? I havent seen her in a couple of weeks so I was planning on asking her on a date or something. Should I avoid asking her where we stand in terms of getting back together? I'm afraid if I ask her this will make me seem needy but I dont want this to turn into a "friendship". Or should I just continue at her pace? At what point do I just say forget it and just give up??

 

Sorry for all the questions.