Still got ex trouble really need advice!

[kutekat100]

Hi, i've posted a couple of times and really appreciate the great adivce but am still so confused. My ex oyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago and we had been goig out for three years and lived together for one. he broke up with me coz I kept arguing wth him over stupid things and it kept hurting him. I said sorry and promised to change but it kept happening. This last three weeks I have totally looked at myself and changed and realised what I was doing and know its in the past and I would never hurt him agai. he doesn't believe me and said two weeks ago we coulkd;t be together because he couldn't risk getting hurt again. i called him so much, crying and begging but it got me no where. So i stopped calling and went out with my friends. Since then he has called me loads and called ma last nght and the night before really late and we talked for over 2 hours. he said how much he loved me, how he misses me and hw he wishes he could believe I would change. He says all he ever wanted was to make me happy. I just listened to im and didn;t say anything I felt. Today though i callled him and asked if we could try again after all he had said the night before. But he said no. I don't understand why. I said you can't love me enough then and he said he did but he just can't go out with me. he says we've missed out now and had our chance. Why then dod he pour his heart out to me and tell me he loves me so much. is there anything I can do? I loe this man so so much and kow we could be fantastic together. We both want the same things and I just can't make him see that. Anything I can do?

[geri]

Hi there

 

I really feel for you and the pain you are in. I'm in a similar situation myself. From reading your mail you've obviously hurt him a lot and he, unfortunately has not been able to forgive you. Men i think in general find it hard to accept that YES you can change.

 

Can i suggest that you go to counselling - on your own for a while and tell him you're going. After the first two sessions you could ask the therapist can you bring him along - then ask him to go. If he agrees thats a good sign , if he doesn't i would think (from my experience) that he is using his fear an an excuse. In that case cut off contact for ONE MONTH go to the counselling on your own and i can nearly quarantee what will happen is that

 

a) you will feel better and stronger and may not want to call him at the end

b) he will get in touch again AND THEN you insist he goes to at least one/two relationship sessions with you. hE WILL IF HES ANY WAY INTERESTED In YOU. IF HE DOESN'T HES NOT WORTH IT and the counselling will have helped you move on.

 

I reaLly think the only way this guy can trust that you've changed and THAT you can trust you have changed is through counselling -by getting professional help you're showing yourself and him you're prepared to do what it takes.

 

BUT REALLY THE BOTTOM LINE IS GET YOUR HEAD TOGETHER FIRST AND THEN WORRY (IF YOU'RE BOTHERED AT THAT STAGE) ABOUT HIS.