Not sure what to do.

[HaydenBishop]

I've posted here before, about issues with lack of intimacy and physical attraction with my wife.

 

Anway. Things seemed to be going well but slowly my desire again faded and we began to fight and argue again. We went to counseling and talked about needing to let each other know what we want in the marriage and how to make those different needs and desires fit together.

 

Anyway, I put this in "infedelity" because while we were in counseling I realized that I am in love with another woman. The counselor was talking about the joys of love and waking up thinking about each other, and lines of communication, and all this stuff, and I realized that the whole time she was talking about that stuff I was thinking about it with someone other than my wife.

 

Let me start at the beginning. One month after we got married I started a new job. I got placed on one of the bigger accounts in the firm and began working on it. My main contact is a smart, professional, talented, attractive, single woman, and the one that I am now in love with.

 

I have no idea how this happened, or when it happened. I do, however, know that I think about her all the time. She is on my mind when I wake up. She is on my mind when I go to sleep. She is on my mind at work (mostly because I am working on projects in which she is heavily involved). I find myself inspired by her. She walks into the room for a meeting and I get all gooey.

 

I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I love this woman. I'm not willing to leave the account (it's a very big deal, pays the bills). However, I have cut off the non-essential communications with this woman. It hasn't helped. I find myself missing her anecdotes and stories and even the way she says "fountain". I've honestly, never felt this way before.

 

I've suggested to my wife that we go back to counseling, and we have scheduled some appointments, but I'm afraid that my issues are bigger than what she believes. Is there hope for us? I know that she loves me dearly, but I don't know that I can say the same thing.

[Beec]

You know sometimes you need to make a choice, and frankly, are you really loving your wife, because much of your decisions should be based on the act of loving her.

 

Love is not just how you feel about someone. The more important part of love that we often ignore is how we treat someone, how we act with them in mind. If you were loving your wife, then you would be acting in her best interest, you would do what was right ofr her and your marriage. You probably have been doing this for the other woman for a while, as she is the client, right? When have you done it for your wife?

 

Second, if you lvoed your wife, then you would do what was good for her. In this case, it might mean finding a new job. You don't need to be drastic and do it tomorrow, but there is probably little reason you cannnot find a new employer with a new client base.

 

Finally, we love the things we put our heart and souls into. Have you put yours into your marriage? Well,that may be one of things that you could do to improve things. What has your wife complained about missing in your marriage? More importantly, can you figure out the things she really wants, because if you could she would not fight with you much at all. What are you missing from her? Isn't there some point in time that you wanted her? What changed other than the fact that you could have her all the time? Perhaps, she needs to play you a bit and not let you have her?

 

Recently, a woman cmplained about a similar thing on the forum. She was married, loved her husband but wanted another man. I told her to put her energy into her marriage. Soon, she took him to dinner, and near the end of the meal, excused herself and came back to put her panties in his pocket. He felt pretty special and they had a good weekend. I don't know how things have been since, but it was a beginning at least. Follow through counts too. She put energy into her marriage and it worked, maybe you should.

 

If not, figure something else out or leave your wife and see if you get burned.

[vesper]

I have no idea how this happened, or when it happened. I do, however, know that I think about her all the time. She is on my mind when I wake up. She is on my mind when I go to sleep. She is on my mind at work (mostly because I am working on projects in which she is heavily involved). I find myself inspired by her. She walks into the room for a meeting and I get all gooey.

 

 

This is about YOU , not your wife or the other woman. You need to figure out why you are falling in love with a fantasy rather than what is right in front of you.

 

Didn't you once feel this way for your wife?

[chocolady]

Does this other woman know how you feel? If so, does she feel the same?

Is she married? Would she leave her husband for you?

 

If the answers of these questions are no, then think deeply about hurting your wife over a fantasy.

 

If yes, or this is just about you and how you feel, then think long and hard about what you are doing, you cannot take back the pain you cause or the married life you destroy.

[sky508]

Are you and this co-worker flirting with each other and does she know how you feel? I ask that because I am a married woman who fell in love with my co-worker and he left the company but we still kept in touch, almost slept together, however my the emotional roller-coaster I was on ruined anything I would have had with him. He ignored all my messages recently. I am entering counseling, but now that he is gone I look at my husband and I can't believe I could have fallen for someone else like that. It hurts that I will never see this other person again and I wonder if you can love two people at the same time? I still care for my husband and we get along great but I still let this happen to me.