Unsure....

[dividedmind]

I am in a serious relationship with a guy who is 36.

 

He is an Cancer/Dragon and I am an Aquarius/Fire Rabbit. He keeps me stable, he owns his own home, has a well paid job, and treats me like a princess.....

 

I am in love with one of my best friends. He is a Libra/Boar and he is passionate, he makes me feel like I am floating on air. We have liked each other since we first met, but I had just started my relationship with my boyfriend then.

 

We made out on our friends sofa on New Years Eve, way into New Years Day. It was the most sensual and sexual experience of my life. I have never wanted to be with someone so much. I can't stop thinking about him. Everything points to us being soulmates....but he is going to live in Japan in October.

 

I love my boyfriend very much, I really do but I am not happy in the relationship. I have tried to make it work but cannot leave due to the fact I will not have a home. I am unable to work due to mental health problems. I am stuck. I can't pursue my friend because of my boyfriend, but even if i could, he would be in Japan in October...I could always save up...but even then....¬_¬

 

I just don't know what to do. I don't feel guilty for loving my friend, I don't see why I should be guilty for loving someone.

 

I just don't want to hurt my boyfriend or end up homeless and in a worse mental state.....

[caro33]

This might sound like an odd question, but why did you just make out on the couch, and not take it further? Was it because you knew what you were doing was 'wrong' or was it something else?

 

Also, what has made you unhappy in your current relationship besides your yearnings for your friend?

[dividedmind]

I don't like to have sex when first hooking up with someone. Why would they come back to you if you already gave them everything?

 

My boyfriend treats me like a daughter almost. He is constantly telling me I am doing stuff wrong, I have tried to help with housework only to have it flung back in my face when it isn't done in the way he thinks it should be.

 

He is an alcoholic. He drinks WAY too much. When he does drink he lacks tact and can be very hurtful and has on occasion smashed things up. I am scared of his violence.

[MacGyverRI]

1, He is an Cancer/Dragon and I am an Aquarius/Fire Rabbit. He keeps me stable, he owns his own home, has a well paid job, and treats me like a princess.....

 

2, I am unable to work due to mental health problems. I am stuck.

 

 

3,I don't like to have sex when first hooking up with someone. Why would they come back to you if you already gave them everything?

 

1, I'm a Cancer (water sign) also but have Sagittarius (fire) as a rising sign. You are also a water sign and waters don't mix unless another sign type is rising. Do you know his/your rising sign? date of birth/year/time amd place link removed has a free natal/birth chart.

 

2, You really need to fix that before any relationship will be successful , I went through it w/ my ex wife, too many problems unless it's treated and under control.

 

3, That is a common misconception, sounds like you have insecurity problems.

[lipostudio]

You can't continue to use your current boyfriend. At the moment, from all you've said, that's what you're doing, and it's unhealthy for both of you.

 

I agree with MacGyverRI about the mental health problems, as well. If it's something that prevents you from working, you should be sorting it out before you're committing to anyone or any relationship. Also, if this problem is as serious as you say, why on earth aren't you claiming disability for it? A psychiatrist should be able to give you any supporting documentation you need, and then you'd have money and would be able to get a room in a house somewhere away from your current boyfriend.

 

Bottom line, though. You can't continue to use him, like I said before.

[Rabican]

I am in a serious relationship with a guy who is 36.

 

 

I just don't know what to do. I don't feel guilty for loving my friend, I don't see why I should be guilty for loving someone.

 

I just don't want to hurt my boyfriend or end up homeless and in a worse mental state.....

 

You shouldnt feel guilty for loving someone. You should feel guilty for loving someone whos NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. My advice, either end things with your bf and face whatever reality that brings. RIght now you are in mooch mode, leaching off of his stability for your own sake, while not putting your all (including your heart) into the relationship.

 

Or go no contact with the friend whom you cant get out of your head. YOu cant have the friend, and the relationship. Maybe if you lose the friend, the relationship will fall into place, once you can focus on one man, and not both.

[dividedmind]

1, I'm a Cancer (water sign) also but have Sagittarius (fire) as a rising sign. You are also a water sign and waters don't mix unless another sign type is rising. Do you know his/your rising sign? date of birth/year/time amd place link removed has a free natal/birth chart.

 

I'm Aquarius with rising sign of Aquarius. My boyfriend is Cancer with rising sign of Aries.

 

2, You really need to fix that before any relationship will be successful , I went through it w/ my ex wife, too many problems unless it's treated and under control.

 

I was being treated as a manic-depressive for a period of time but the medication made me worse. I was unable to gauge my emotions and had many breakdowns. I have tried to see a psychiatrist here but because I am in control of how people see me, they only saw what I wanted them to see.

I was interviewed by two women, one was lovely and saw straight through me. The other reminded me of a cousin who doesn't think mental illness exists and so I locked up.

I am as stable as I am ever going to be when I have routine. Doing the same thing every day helps to keep me grounded, although the other conflicting side of me gets terribly bored and annoyed at there being nothing to do. My boyfriend gives me that routine.

 

3, That is a common misconception, sounds like you have insecurity problems.

 

I do in that respect. Sex is something I do not give out freely to just anyone. Even if I have feelings for someone, I need to trust them very deeply before I will have sex with them.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

I have tried to make it work but cannot leave due to the fact I will not have a home. I am unable to work due to mental health problems. I am stuck.

 

So you're basically using him for now. How selfish. In my opinion-- you should: #1. Find a way to make a living for yourself, even if it means working on your mental issues; #2. Leave your boyfriend and spare him (and yourself) a life of misery; and #3. Forget about that other guy, too, since he'll be MIA for a while. You need to learn to take care of yourself and be independent-- because there's no guarantee that there'll always be someone around to support you.

 

Good luck.

[dividedmind]

So you're basically using him for now. How selfish. In my opinion-- you should: #1. Find a way to make a living for yourself, even if it means working on your mental issues; #2. Leave your boyfriend and spare him (and yourself) a life of misery; and #3. Forget about that other guy, too, since he'll be MIA for a while. You need to learn to take care of yourself and be independent-- because there's no guarantee that there'll always be someone around to support you.

 

Good luck.

 

I have spoken to my boyfriend. He has suggested I get to know my friend better and be sure of what I want. He says he understand that I have come to love him more like a father than a boyfriend. He is letting me stay here......

 

I don't think it is selfish to not want to die on the streets. I never said I did not love him, nor am I ungrateful for being here. I think the main problem was a communication barrier.

 

I don't think I will forget about my friend, whether or not he is in Japan. I refuse to spend my life wondering about what if I had done things differently. What a waste of life.

 

I shall reiterate what I have already said. I am TWO people.

 

TWO.

 

One HAS to have the stability. If that side of me is unstable I become VERY unwell.

 

The other side is bored with stability. Even though without it the other side will take over and become dominant.

[MacGyverRI]

I have tried to see a psychiatrist here but because I am in control of how people see me, they only saw what I wanted them to see.

 

I was interviewed by two women, one was lovely and saw straight through me. The other reminded me of a cousin who doesn't think mental illness exists and so I locked up.

 

 

By hiding, you don't ever want to help yourself to get better or control the problem/s. You need to be honest and act how you normally would with them so they do a good Eval..

 

The first step is to want to help yourself and do what the doctors say and take the meds. they prescribe. Meds. work differently on everyone so trying out a few types is very common.

 

You should go back to the one who saw through you, she is what you need IF you want to actually get help.

[MacGyverRI]

I'm Aquarius with rising sign of Aquarius. My boyfriend is Cancer with rising sign of Aries.

 

link removed

 

Relationship Rating: 2

Passion: 1

Communication: 2

 

A love match between an Aquarius and a Cancer is unlikely.

Cancer is cardinal water and Aquarius is fixed air. These two

have very little in common between them and probably little

interest too. The Aquarius is likely to back off quickly after

sensing the emotional depths of the Cancer. Aquarius values

their freedom and independence too much to want to get involved

in such an emotional relationship a Cancer always involves. A

Cancer in turn, is usually repulsed by the lack of emotional energy

from an Aquarius and dismisses them as cold and unfeeling.

Other factors in the individuals charts, like the Moon, will need to

be strong to over come their initial dislike of each other for a

lasting relationship.

 

 

All sign combinations are covered here;

link removed

[caro33]

Well that's good if you and your boyfriend have had an honest discussion about this. If he's happy with you staying then it's his decision at least, not your making a decision for him that he doesn't understand.

 

However, your post is very black and white - is it really a choice of staying with the boyfriend or living on the streets? If your boyfriend is an alcoholic and acting aggressively it doesn't sound like he is the best thing for you either. Is there a mental health expert you can talk to about your opportunities? Someone who can help you with plans for the future?

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

However, your post is very black and white - is it really a choice of staying with the boyfriend or living on the streets? If your boyfriend is an alcoholic and acting aggressively it doesn't sound like he is the best thing for you either. Is there a mental health expert you can talk to about your opportunities? Someone who can help you with plans for the future?

 

I couldn't have said it any better than that, Caro33.

 

Is it really a matter of life and death?

 

And what is this mental condition that you have? How serious is it? Is it possible that you are using it as an excuse to not have to work? Or maybe "I'm too mentally sick to work" is just turning into a self-fulfilling prophesy?

 

You clearly said in your original post that you're not happy in the relationship and that you cannot leave him because you will have no place to live. So, in order for you to "survive," then, you have to mess up someone else's life? Why should this man have to suffer for you? Would you like it if someone did that to you?

 

I wish you (and your man) lots of luck, because you seem to really need it during this time.

[MacGyverRI]

And what is this mental condition that you have?

 

How serious is it?

 

 

I think along w/ the Manic Depression that she posted there is Schizophrenia ("I am two people" and "without it the other side will take over and become dominant.").

 

Both can be very serious and very destructive to a person but they can usually be controlled and treated w/ medications along w/ therapy but she said she doesn't want to take them or talk about it w/ a doctor.

[dividedmind]

By hiding, you don't ever want to help yourself to get better or control the problem/s. You need to be honest and act how you normally would with them so they do a good Eval..

 

The first step is to want to help yourself and do what the doctors say and take the meds. they prescribe. Meds. work differently on everyone so trying out a few types is very common.

 

You should go back to the one who saw through you, she is what you need IF you want to actually get help.

 

It doesn't quite work like that in the UK sadly. The Mental Health service here is great if you are 18 or under. Once you turn 19, they just don't give one about you. Also, if you exhibit signs of more than one illness, they have difficulty with it. They only seem to be able to help people who have already snapped and gone on some sort of killing spree, or stolen a milk cart ¬_¬

 

I tend to hide from folk that look like my family, she was rude and condescending and not a very good counselor in my opinion. I hate yes people. She just agreed to everything I said...

[MacGyverRI]

Maybe you could take a Hedgehog hostage and get some help?

 

 

"She just agreed to everything I said..."

 

She may have been trying to get you to open up by not letting you see her as a threat.

[dividedmind]

link removed

 

Relationship Rating: 2

Passion: 1

Communication: 2

 

A love match between an Aquarius and a Cancer is unlikely.

Cancer is cardinal water and Aquarius is fixed air. These two

have very little in common between them and probably little

interest too. The Aquarius is likely to back off quickly after

sensing the emotional depths of the Cancer. Aquarius values

their freedom and independence too much to want to get involved

in such an emotional relationship a Cancer always involves. A

Cancer in turn, is usually repulsed by the lack of emotional energy

from an Aquarius and dismisses them as cold and unfeeling.

Other factors in the individuals charts, like the Moon, will need to

be strong to over come their initial dislike of each other for a

lasting relationship.

 

 

All sign combinations are covered here;

link removed

 

I saw something like that, and Aquarius + Libra (My friend) are a perfect match >.

I couldn't have said it any better than that, Caro33.

 

Is it really a matter of life and death?

 

And what is this mental condition that you have? How serious is it? Is it possible that you are using it as an excuse to not have to work? Or maybe "I'm too mentally sick to work" is just turning into a self-fulfilling prophesy?

 

You clearly said in your original post that you're not happy in the relationship and that you cannot leave him because you will have no place to live. So, in order for you to "survive," then, you have to mess up someone else's life? Why should this man have to suffer for you? Would you like it if someone did that to you?

 

I wish you (and your man) lots of luck, because you seem to really need it during this time.

 

Along with the manic depression, I have major social anxieties. I just can't function near new people. If I was able to get a job, it would have to be with someone I already knew. And I don't make friends so easy. I have gone to group therapy in regards to socialising, and they didn't go well. I am prone to bouts of paranoia when it comes to people, and that causes problems >

 

As me and the bf have talked about the situation, I shouldn't think he sees it as me messing up his life. He understands that I don't like his drinking, and is willing to let me be myself for a little while. I am not ready to be middle aged at 19...

 

Maybe you could take a Hedgehog hostage and get some help?

 

 

"She just agreed to everything I said..."

 

She may have been trying to get you to open up by not letting you see her as a threat.

 

 

That just irritates me. If she didn't want to come off as a threat she should have just said so.

[MacGyverRI]

That just irritates me. If she didn't want to come off as a threat she should have just said so.

 

It doesn't work that way. Never try to second guess a therapist as they all work with different styles to get people to open up about their problems and fears.