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He took the bait... now what?

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Ok so i have been posting a lot about my breakup and i last posted that i sent my ex a "closure" email. Heres the link:




Well i sent the email about 5 days ago and fully intended to never speak to him again unless he made it clear he wanted me back (he broke up with me about a month ago). So since the email was sent he sent he 6 messages and these are what they said:


1. he said "hi ***, just wanted to say Hi and thanks again for the movie"

- I didn't reply


2. on new years eve he said "i hope you have a happy new year"

- I didn't reply


3. again on new years eve a few hours later he sent TWO messages yelling at me about a old phone bill we had together

- I didn't reply


4. Sent me another message on new years eve saying "i hope your happy with yourself"

- i didn't reply


5. He sent a message today saying "i guess you dont want to talk"

- i haven't replyied yet but i dont know what to do


So I dont know where to go from here. I love him and still want him back but i know that this is a very pivital moment and what i do from here is very important.


Im scared that if i reply he will have the power back. And im scared if i dont reply that he will think im over him! PLease offfer some advice this is such a difficult situation and i dont know what to do!!!

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But since you did send it then find out what he wants.


Wouldn't that play the ball back into his court after she has told him anything she feels for him and all that.. the mail sounded like... "I miss you, I love you but still i'm going away if you aren't contacting me?"


The things he has been writing isn't a way to start a conversation with someone he wants to talk to... you know like in it isn't a attitude showing he wants to talk ordinary to her again, she wants to talk to him, but I thinks she shouldn't fint out on basis of what he has written.. and if she has sent the email she should stand by it?

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Just asking what he wants is putting the ball squarely back in his court without giving anything further away. She would not be asking him anything other than what he wants. She can choose how to proceed based on his response (or lack of response).

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i really do wanna message him back and find out what he wants to talk about but i dont want to give him the power back. In my email i stated that i cant keep being the only one trying to keep in contact. Because before i sent that email he NEVER tried to contact me first since we broke up. ANd now since the email he messaged me six times. Im just not sure if i should give in!

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This is what iwant to say, let me know if its good or bad?


"What is there to talk about? You know how i feel and i know how you feel and its not the same"


if you know he doesn't feel the same and his reactions hasn't shown it, why write the last part? If he has changed would that make you happy? Would you expect that from his actions? I think you will just get more hurt if you keep having contact...

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I didnt see anything in your email that said that you didn't want to talk unless he wanted to try to work things out. I didn't see anything in your email about no contact either. Unless there is something I'm not getting, I don't think theres anything about your letter that says don't contact me.


I sent letters like this when I went through my breakup 6 months ago. My experience was that it didn't help at all. I don't agree with all the people on the thread screaming don't do it because I don't think one or two letters like that cause THAT much damage unless you get progressively desperate but I do think that if theres any chance of reconciliation letters like this wont help with speeding things. The letter did sound needy.


Just remember that NC is for you to heal. Not to make anyone do anything. If you approach it that way you will find yourself waiting, then you will get impatient that they're not reacting the way you want them to and then you most likely will explode and break NC in a stupid way. That at least seems to be the general consensus on the board.


If you're serious about NC, then make that final phone call and tell him that you don't want to talk to him unless he wants to work things out. But whatever you do - don't make that phone call unless you are 200% sure you can keep your words because if you don't it will make you look really bad to him.

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- he broke up with me


I feel like he may have changed his mind cause he hasn't messaged me at all saying that he wants to talk to me.


and i told him in the "closure" email that it would be the last time i contacted him because i need to move on because its what HE wants

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i really do wanna message him back and find out what he wants to talk about


Then do it.


And above all, for this relationship or future ones, forget about this nonsense about him "taking bait", fearing who has "the power" or what he might think if you do or don't do this-or-that. This silliness is only taking energy and focus away from working within yourself and/or together to figure out solutions to your problems and wasting time when you could be doing such or moving past the situation to better emotional places and relationships.

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