How do I know if she's interested?

[Sir Run Run Shaw]

I am a 41 year old single male and about a year and a half ago a friend of mine wanted me to meet her younger sister who's 36. After weeks of my friend asking me if I wanted to meet her sister I finally gave in and agreed to meet them both for dinner. I'm glad I did because she (the younger sister) turned out to be a very attractive, exotic looking woman from central america.

There's about 50 miles or more between the cities we live in, I have a car, she doesn't, but the distance isn't a problem for me as I'm crazy about her and I drive to the ends of the earth for her. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her lately. I'm hoping the distance isn't an issue. I will ask given the chance.

So anyways we went out to a club to see a band play a few weeks after meeting. I thought we were having a good time, we talked, enjoyed the music, but she seemed to get a little bored towards the end of our date although months later told me she had a good time.

I called her a couple of times, left messages asking her to give me a call, appologizing for the evening not going entirely as I had planned but I never heard from her. Then a few months later my friend invited me to the movies and informed me it was her younger sisters idea to invite me. I quickly agreed, we had dinner, did a little shopping and watched the movie. We made some small talk and later we said goodbye. I called a couple of times to ask her out again but only got her voice mail. Then a few more months went by not hearing from her and I get a call from my friend again, inviting me to dinner and a movie. When she told her younger sister I was going she wanted to go TOO. We never made the movie. The three of us sat at the resturant and talked until it closed. Later I asked if she wanted to get together and see a movie some other time and she said yes. She called me up a few day's later to name the weekend. I must add, my friend informed me before I ever met her younger sister, that, when asking her out she needs about a months notice so she can prepare. She doesn't seem the type to act on a whim or be spontanious. Anyway, we go to the movie which finished early for a Saturday night, around 9:30ish but she didn't want to do anything else afterwords. I tried to get her to do something, go somewhere, eat, rent a movie but no go. I called again a couple of day's later, left a couple of messages. I don't think she stays up late. I called a couple of times in June while in Arizona on business, just to say hi, talk, but again all I got was her voice mail so I figured she wasn't interested. So I stopped calling. As I said I'm very attracted to her, not just physically, Its deeper than that, intellectually as well. So I spent the next four months trying to get her out of my head. Easier said than done but I was managing.

So then, my friend invites me to a big family party last November she and her husband were throwing. I went, arrived early. I sat by myself for an hour until I moved accross the yard when I saw someone I knew. Then to my surprise the younger sister searched me out. She had seen me out of a window while getting ready, she came out to where I HAD been sitting but only to find I was gone. She said she thought that I had left.

Her entire family was there, mom, step-dad, brother's, sister's, niece's and nephews, huge family, but she chose to sit with me for five hours. This got me thinking! So once again I swallowed my pride and asked her out again to dinner or a movie, nothing specific. She agreed but said it would have to be after a vacation she was taking at the end of November. Then two weeks after the party she surprised me again by calling to invite me to her works christmas party which I gladly agreed to take her to.

We went to the party, it was at a five star hotel in downtown Los Angeles, we had a very nice time. She was the most beautiful woman there and I told her. She seemed flattered. We talked a lot. Probably the most talkative we've been with one another so far. I have a tendency to be a little quiet, self-consious, insecure around attractive women and she IS very attractive. I AM starting to loosen up though. So I took her home but before I let her go I gave her what was to me a small christmas gift, black cashmere scarf and gloves. While I was buying it something kept telling me I shouldn't, but I did, thinking I've known her for over a year now. No big deal I thought. She was surprised when I handed her the present, perhaps taken aback at receiving something but not having anything for me which I could care less about. She seemed a little awkward, but gracoiusly accepted the present, she said , "good, now I'll have something to open." I asked to see her again before she went inside and she said yes but it would have to be after the new year. I know she has a grandmother up here visiting from central america so I know she's not yanking my chain. The thing is though, I've never heard from her since the christmas party which was on the second Saturday of December. I don't know if she liked the gift I got her, or not. I've called a couple times to just wish her a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year but I just get her voicemail.

I know I should communicate with her (I plan to) and ask her what her feelings are and open up and tell her mine but its hard when all I have to talk to is her answering machine. I think she screens her calls as my friend told me she more than likely does.

I know she's busy but she can't be that busy you know? Is she interested in me? Is she testing me to see how serious I am? Is she running, unsure wheather to commit? Have I scared her off with what I thought was a small gesture of a gift? I feel in a way she may be the one and if I have a chance I don't want to blow it or wait too long. We both have a lot in common. We're both the same zodiac sign, have similar personal traits, enjoy travel, culture, music, reading, art, just to name a few.

She doesn't seem to have a problem with me being in her space. We sometimes sit close together, she touches me on occasion. She's willing to lean into one another when out pictures being taken so I don't think I she finds me repulsive.

Anyone women out there, latin perhaps, that may have some insight into my

situation? I don't know if her coming from a different cultural environment has anything to do with it but need help. I may ask my friend to see if she can get a little info from her sister too.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Wimpy]

Hey I don't really have any concrete advice neither can I say whether or not she's interested. All I wanted to say was that my ex was from South America and if I learned one thing from it was that to him (can I generalise and thereforeeee say all South Americans???) family was incredibly important - in my situation I think it was part of the reason he broke up with me.

 

Also, from your post she doesn't appear to be giving you very much to go on. Making you wait weeks for a date...not responding to the gift with a note of thanks or feedback on whether she liked it - to me that's a little rude - don't you think????

 

But then I'd have to say that you'll only find out what she's thinking if you ask her. If it were me that's probably what I'd do - save yourself getting in any deeper and getting further hurt.

 

As I say no concrete advice - others might have greater insights.....

[philosophia]

Are your options really that limited that you want to waste your time on someone like that? yeah she is pretty and nice but so what? First it's just rude she screens her calls and doesn't return your voicemails - she's been dating you for over a year and you bought her an xmas gift - she can't return the call just to say hi? And what if she calls you back, you go out again - are you going to call her for yet another date then wait another six months agonizing over her until she calls you out of the blue again? screw it. life is short - you are 41. There are plenty of attractive single women out there who are fun to be with and aren't such headcases.

[Caterina]

She's leading you on and using you as a back up plan. I say if you want to still be involved with her, think of her the same way...not as something serious. Keep dating other people. If you think you're going to get hurt, move on and find someone else.

[DN]

I agree that she seems a poor prospect for a relationship. I would move on to find some more available - both for time and emotionally.