Long-distance help

[rebeccaapple]

My boyfriend and I are both at university and live 3 hours away from one another. We've been doing long-distance for a year and 3 months. Recently he broke up with me, because he has been getting very depressed at uni. I think basically, he misses me very badly and often makes himself miserable over it instead of doing something productive with his time. The first year we saw each other every weekend, which was all right. This last term we saw each other every weekend and it was too much - friendships and uni work suffered and that was part of the reason we split up.

 

We're back together now, and he's keen to make this work. However, he suffers terribly from the lack of physical contact and often panics a lot. I miss him too but I want to make it work and I seem to cope better than him.

 

How can I help him feel loved and special without smothering him? I think I've been mothering him too much. He can be quite needy. He needs space to get on with his uni work and his own life, but I just desperately want to make him feel secure. I know to some extent he has to help himself. We're so good together, in the holidays everything is great. We have a real connection, but in term-time he gets so stressed. Does anyone have advice about how to help a partner who finds the distance tough?

[laboheme]

How is your communication in general? Do you email each other or talk on the phone on a regualr basis? You may want to invest in webcams -- they can bring you one step closer to physical contact. When my ex and I were in a long-distance relationship, we would set up our webcams and just go about doing our schoolwork, glancing up occasionally to look at the other person on the computer screen. It really helped things.

 

Also, maybe give him something that he can have with him at all times as a little reminder of your love? Maybe a keychain that says "I miss you" or something along those lines?