venting... a long one too.

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

Hi everyone!

 

As the new year starts I want to let go of everything that weighs me down. Yesterday I posted a thread about the guy I was dating and whether I should tell my parents. I decided to let him go and not continue the relationship anymore. I thought about this for a very long time. You see, while we were dating he was obessed about me, at first it was cute, then it got on my nerves, we had a break (one week, which felt great) then got back again (dont ask why because even I cant answer that). The obessing started again. He calls me everyday and if I dont answer (because Im busy) he wont stop calling until I pick up. He is a sweet guy, but I dont think we make a good couple.

 

Theres also this other guy that I used to talk to awhile ago. I had to start ignoring him because he would set up a date then he would stand me up! It happened twice. After the second time I started ignoring him, he kept texting me non stop. He texted me saying happy new years, I chose to ignore (I havent replied to any of his texts for months and it wasnt going to change) then after he realised he wasnt going to get a reply from me he texted me back saying how rude I was! Jerk!!

 

Then theres the story of my two 'sweet' exes who wanted to control me and one who tried to sleep with me with physical force.

 

The only time Ive enjoyed my time with a guy was when I was dating someone whom was offlimits to me because of his religion. But he turned out to be so much fun, but he didnt want to committ, so that was that.

 

It has been a tough year for me relationship wise.

 

I think Im going to focus on my studies and be the best I can be. My boss is 40 and single, and she is very happy (or so she says), she said its very hard to meet someone once collage/uni ends and that scares me. It scares me because I have one year of uni left (well one and a half) and everyone around is starting to couple off. What if there is noone out there for me? What if I die alone in my house and no one finds me because I'l be so alone!! I know Im thinking of the worst but it has happened in the past.

 

I dont have high standards, I know people arnt perfect, Im not perfect, but I know what type of person I can match well with, I know what I want but I havent found it just yet.

 

Just wanted to vent and get this all out of my system. Thanks guys

[robowarrior]

Well we always say for fun , if you think no one cares about you , stop paying the bills and there will definitly be people be at your place =D

 

But in all seriousness the thing about these guys is, that these guys are probably normal , but you are probably too beautifull for your own good. So for you, if you ever initiate a relationship with a guy that you have to tell him that you don't mind a relationship but you don't like the obsessiveness. Then you can tell him about all the guys you dumped because they obsessed over you, and that will act as a good warning towards him that he shouldn't go over the top with you in terms of clingyness.

 

You know good couples communicate to eachother directly about what bothers them, i think that if you would have communicated this to the other guys , they would at least have taken a step back (theorethically) in terms of how obsessive they were over you.

 

You don't have to be afraid of being alone, as long as you step towards the people yourself and initiate action to meet nice and interesting people. (not things, like drug dealers,jerks, arrogant people) those negative people is not what i mean with interesting. Because despite of the good looks, you have to make good choices in your life. This because i know dozens of older woman who's lives got ruined because they initiated to be in a relationship with the wrong men. This because you can be as pure,natural,beautifull,loving etc etc, but if you date a drunk drug addict he can bring you down the drain.

 

Basically you have to be very carefull with other people's feelings, if you know guys go into head over heels in love mode with you. You don't want to initiate contact with them, if aren't interested in a long term relationship. This because if you give a guy the idea that there's possibly a relationship in for him to be together with you, he could go from love, to obsessive and clingy, so if the love isn't mutual, i definitly would realise the fact that you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone you don't even love. This because any affection displayed will simply be wasted on someone who doesn't care.

 

This is why the guy got angry and said you where rude for not answering back. From your side its logical 'he's too clingly what a jerk, leave me alone' , from his side its 'i thought she was interested in me, why isn't she answering me' ? Now if you put yourself in his shoes, you are calling someone you love, and he doesn't pick up, how would make that you feel? So basically it was understandable you didn't pick up, but it was rude indeed nevertheless from his piont of view. But the issue here isn't who is wrong or right. What's far more important is that you 'avoid' situations like this by properly communicating wether you are completely devoted to someone or not. Make your intentions clear and direct so that the guys you meet, know where they stand in terms of a relationship compared to you. This because the way you write it, they are standing in line to be in a relationship with you.

 

You basically have this doom scenario in front of you, zomg 40 years will never meet someone = end of the world. Reality is that you should show you have a life of your own to begin with, your 40 year old boss is still alive right? And even if you die alone, its not like you'll notice after that. I have a grandmother of 85 years, you know one day you won't be able to do a request on your beauty because its gone, then the only thing you have left is who you are as a person. People still love to visit my grandmother, the reason? She is cozy, loving , nice , humorous and in for a laugh, and you can always talk to her as a person about anything,which makes her wonderfull.

 

You know when you are at a high age like that, most of your family from your generation and friends have died. But my grandmother just went to clubs for older people and met new people, where they talk. Or in other words you don't have to be alone as long as you step towards the people. But its about the content on who you are as a person.

 

My other grandma who also reached the age of 85, was less nice, it was uncozy, and the nastyness repelled people from being with her, causing loneyness. The nasty thing was dragging people thru the dirt with nasty comments, and belitteling everythning people did with negativity.

 

You know its like stamping on you with your foot on the ground, and important life lesson i learned from that was that nothing can grow from negativity. Like a plant needs fertile soil to grow in, you need a positive environment where everyone can be happy in , and can enjoy your company. You want to be a wonderfull grandma, not the hag from hell.