depression heartache

[confused12345]

ok, wasn't quite sure which forum to post this in as it covers quite a few different things, but 'conflict' seems ot sum it up at the moment.

 

When i started university a few years ago i met a great guy, who i fooled around with a bit. our relationship started off based on sex, though we became friends. neither of us really saw each other as anything more though. things got complicated though as both of us became more and more ocnfused over the next year and a half about what we wanted. we alsmot got together a couple of times and became really close as friends, but something never seemed quite right. last easter we decided ot end things once and for all, and after no contact for a while, seeing him again and beocming friends again, everything suddenly clicked and i fell in love with him.

 

after that we spent two monthes together in the summer travelling, and had a great time, no real problems at all. there were still some leftver issues from 2 years of fighting and insecurity, but things were really starting to progress nicely.

 

after that i didn't see him for a month,then he moved university.initially, things still seemed great, it was hard, but we didn't seem to have any really issues. hegot really ill a couple of times though, and when hes ill he's rubbish at staying in touch and ignores my calls and texts. which causes me to get angry and lose my patience. then i saw he had a profile on a sex site (stating he was single), which added to the tension, even though i knew he would never act on that.

 

making up was made even harder by the distance, btu things were going ok. i did notice increasingly though that he was beocming much less affectionate in public, and quite dioatnt sometimes, then really loving at others. he's had a history of depresison as a result of his dad's and girlfriend's deaths about 4/3 years ago, and he amditted to me that he got lonely someitmes at his new uni, and didn't have any real friends there.

 

thinsg came to a crunch really when one of his old friends from home died and he didn't contact me for 2 weeks (even to inform me this had happened), despite pset answerphone messages etc. i went down to see him to check he was ok, and after lots of me trying to explain much he hurt me and some anger on my part, we had a really lovely day the next day. i aske dhim if he needed swme more space and time alone, and he said no, but i made it clear that if he did it was ok, he just had to let me know.

 

after that though i didn't hear from him for 2 weeks, and only then it was a pretty harsh email ending things. in those two weeks i tried to be as supportive as possible, and sent him a few nice emails. after 2 weeks minus 1 day though i flipped (out of hurt and worry) and sent him a couple of not very nice text messages, whch i think triggered things.

 

he said himself that he knows he shouldn't be in a relationship right now, and after spekain g to him last nigth we agreed that instea dof breaking up full stop, i wouldn't contact him until he'd felt like he'd had enough space and time to deal with what he was going through. then we'd both decide if we wanted be friends/nothing/together again.

 

it really feels like hes never propperly dealt with his grief from his dad's and girlfriends death, and when something bad happens, or things get too tough in daily life, he really struggles to cope. i've really tried to be so suppotive and understanding, but its hard because of the distance, and because he sometimes withdraws from me. (though last time i saw him he was really lovely).

 

 

all through this i just keep wondering if 'hes just not that into me' (especially given our previous uncertainty) or whether this is more about him than us.

 

 

i know onyl he can help him now, but im worried hes never really going to deal with his issues. i was wondering if anyone had any previous experiuences of men and depresison/grief or any advice?

 

thanks

[confused12345]

i shoudl also add, that before the summer, i got pregannt and had a miscariage. i dealt with it ok with time, and because i talked about my feelings with him a lot. he said he couldn;'t talk about it though and i have no idea how this might have affected him...