????? emailing

[scaruff]

I am communicating with one of my matches from eharmony by email on eharmony. He gave me his personal email today and wrote: "Here is my email if you're up for that".....what did he mean with "if you're up for that"? I mean we're already 'emailing' on eharmony......

 

Another thing is he did not ask me any questions...he just told me about his some of his hobbies. So what am I supposed to do? Ask ALL the questions and have him ask me nothing? I always end up feeling like an 'interviewer' what's the deal with the guy asking me no questions???

[annie24]

he might be wanting to cancel the service so is handing out his e-mail instead. i have eharmony also. I've typically found, that when a guy gives me his e-mail address (before he's asked me out on a date), things just kind of go downhill.... but, that's just my experience.

 

i guess just send him an e-mail and see what happens. maybe just tell him about your day or a movie you recently watched.

[Batya33]

I met over 100 men through on line dating. I found that the first two emails helped to screen people out (i.e. lots of typos/grammatical errors, sexual comments, etc) but emailing gave me no relevant information about what it would be like to meet in person. thereforeeee, I limited my interactions to a few emails then one or two phone calls then meeting in person asap. When I made exceptions and emailed for longer typically I found that on the phone or in person the men were totally different - not because of deception just because typing does not reflect the person's in real life personality - he can choose what to write and what not to write, take his time in responding, or he can just be an interesting or eloquent writer but not have those skills in person or on the phone. You also cannot tell hostility, depression, level of enthusiasm, etc - all things that are essential to know if you are looking to date someone.

[BYOB]

Sounds like the kind of guy who doesn't want to fool around.

"If you're up to emailing, alright, I'm open to that idea but I'd rather see you instead. I wasn't particularly looking for friends..."

 

I wouldn't start to act like an interviewer. It's good that you've identifyed that he didn't ask you questions. It's usually significative and in this case, I guess that he's feeling down since he's missing an opportunity to get a quick date.

 

Signs of

Sympathy

Impulsivity (Or he highly lacks of something)

[scaruff]

he might be wanting to cancel the service so is handing out his e-mail instead. i have eharmony also. I've typically found, that when a guy gives me his e-mail address (before he's asked me out on a date), things just kind of go downhill.... but, that's just my experience.

 

He lives about 4-5 hours away.

 

I have noticed too that when a guy gives me his email address becore he's asked me out on a date, things go downhill. I am surprised this early on that he only asked me one question (is that a guy thing-not to ask questions, just tell all about themselves?). I don't have a good feeling about this. I am thinking of not emailing him. I'll probably close him out. Sigh, I have been on eharmony for 18 months and I have not been on one single date. Oh well.

[annie24]

He lives about 4-5 hours away.

 

I have noticed too that when a guy gives me his email address becore he's asked me out on a date, things go downhill. I am surprised this early on that he only asked me one question (is that a guy thing-not to ask questions, just tell all about themselves?). I don't have a good feeling about this. I am thinking of not emailing him. I'll probably close him out. Sigh, I have been on eharmony for 18 months and I have not been on one single date. Oh well.

 

18 months and no date????? Ok, i think something is up. When I do eHarmony, I have AT LEAST one date a month. I had a relationship for a while that sprung out of there.

 

there is a very good book I think you should read, "The Rules for Online Dating." They have extremely good advice for writing a good profile, posting a flattering photo, and how to weed out time-wasters and married/takn men. They have good suggestions about what to talk about. They also suggest (and I have found this to be true), a guy who is interested asks you out within the first 4 e-mails or so (maybe more if he is long-distance). If they take more than 4 e-mails or 2 weeks to ask you out, it's NEXT! stop writing to them, and if they are interested, they will write you again to ask you out. I think you should read the book with a fine-toothed comb.

[scaruff]

18 months and no date????? Ok, i think something is up.

 

Yes, something is undeniably wrong when in the span of 18 months (I joined in July '05) that I did not go out on one single date from eharmony. I am attractive and I don't think my pictures turned them off. Many of my matches were accross the country, the ones I made it to stage 4 with lost interest....so, I don't know what's going on??? It's actually a little embarrassing Maybe it's not for me.

 

I cancelled my subscription. Thank you for the book recommendation. If I decide to pick up online dating again, I will be sure to look into the Rules of Online Dating.

[annie24]

well, look through it anyways, you may find some helpful hints. it has some good advice, I think it is the best out of all "The Rules" books. it definitely has the most solid advice for online dating I have seen anywhere.

 

as for your photos.... stick to headshots, nothing revealing. I've found that when I had a photo where I was wearing an evening dress/night club dress, where my breasts were prominent, I had sleazier guys coming onto me online, than when I just had a simple headshot.

[CaliGirl77]

Annie is right......stick to headshots only.

 

This is what I have learned recently - Myspace lets you give out WAY too much information and post way too many pictures of your life - so teh people who repsond are not relationship material.

 

Eharmony or any other dating site is like speed dating, but communication starts through email first. I recommend reading that book that Annie mentioned for tips. And stick to them. As soon as a guy stops asking questions - that means he is not interested. The whole giving out the email thing is a bit fishy too. Don't email him.

 

It might also help to NOT be detailed with your answers/responses.

[iwishiknew]

I was disappointed when I was on e harmony and never got a date. I was on E harmony for 2 years then I stopped.