My family are driving me nuts.

[SilverManic]

This time yesterday I was posting about what a supportive family I have but today has really driven out who really cares about me. I feel so hurt by my mother. She had me when she was 17 and here I am at 21 and having my first child. I'm so disappointed that she was two faced and said congratulations when she was secretly badmouthing me to my aunt.

 

My aunt said I was bringing my child into a crap life with nothing good for it and that I should get an abortion. She said I should go to hers and see how hard it really is. I've worked in Child care and I used to take care of her kids ALL THE time. My mum is always coming to me for relationship advice and she is no good influence. My husband has been nothing but supportive and still is.

 

My grandmother is being really suportive. I didn't want this many people to know so soon I just wanted my Mum and Nan but my Mum decided to tell everyone how I am ruining my life. I thought my pregnancy would be stress free and great. Aparently it's going to be full of twofaced ness and family who show their true colours to be an evil shade of lies.

 

What do I do? Dettach myself from them and move on? Any advice would be aperciated. I'm trying to stay as calm as possible so I don't damage the baby.

 

Edit: She just text me appologizing and said congrats but it's still hurtful..

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Silver! Congratulations to you and your husband.

 

I'm sorry for the very undue stress your mother is casuing. Know that it is most likely out of concern mixed with a bit of jealously.

 

You're married, 21 and about to have a child with a supportive husband. You're about to have a family of your own.

 

She may be a bit jealous of how much better your circumstances are than hers were. Could also be that you're growing up beyond the coming back point.

 

I don't know what your life is like or why she would say that it's crappy, but if things are or have been bad - to the point of bringing mother's concern - this would be the time to straighten them out.

 

As for the stress....the baby will be OK but DO NOT let her get to you. Too much stress can cause the baby's heart rate to increase as well. I don't think you should detach yourself, but if this is a pattern for her, learn the water off the duck thing...let it just roll right off you.

[rocio]

I think they will be supportive of you. Just let them know that you are confident in your decision and that you expect them to be as excited about it as you are. Demand their respect. You are NOT bringing this child into a crap life. Babies don't need rich parents to be happy. Just lots of love, which you and your husband clearly have to give.

 

My friend's grandmother fled from Poland on the back of a motorbike when she was pregnant with my friend's mom. Must have been stressful at the time, but it makes for a really cool story!

 

My mom also acted excited and happy when I broke the news to her. But considering that she hasn't called me in 5 months, I'm assuming she's not so excited after all. Who knows what goes through the minds of our mothers? What's important is that they are willing to be a part of our babies' lives. Even if they're mad at us, they could never hold that against the beautiful new life we're bringing into the world.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Well.....I don't know that you can ask someone to be as excited about something as you are. That's just not fair.They are allowed their own feelings. And demanding respect is something VERY different than COMMANDING it.

 

You can make demands all day long - demand they're excited, demand that they respect you - but at the end of the day, all you really get is people thinking you're demanding.

 

Command respect by respecting yourself and doing what's right. Allow others their feelings, be respectful, know when to bow out of a disagreement - if people see the respect you have for yourself, they will follow suit and not even know why.

[rocio]

Command respect by respecting yourself and doing what's right. Allow others their feelings, be respectful, know when to bow out of a disagreement - if people see the respect you have for yourself, they will follow suit and not even know why.

 

I think that's what I was going for - I'm not so good at expressing myself. Thank you for the correction.

[SilverManic]

Thanks so much for your guy's help. I hope your mum gets in contact Amber. I still feel a bit upset but my mum even said she's going to start making a blanket for me and my sister is really excited that she is going to be an aunt.

Thanks so much,

~S.