going crazy..don't know what do do..please help!

[icebox]

i really don't know where to begin...i will try my best to give all the details...sorry this is a rather long story.

 

about me: 35, vietnamese, full time working

 

about her: 23, attractive, vietnamese, full time work and in college part-time

 

been together : 4 1/2yrs...engaged 5 months

 

M(interviewer): early 30s; white/mexican, married to an asian woman for a few years.

 

recently, my fiancee has taken off her engagement ring and i assuming she doesn't want to be engage with me anymore.

 

about 6 months ago, she landed an accounting job related to her college major...prior to getting this job, she had no accounting experience besides a few courses in accounting 1&2. i helped her search for entry level acct jobs and send her resumes to 10-15 different places. so, this 1 place finally called her in for an interview and in a few days, she got the offer letter. i made a jokingly comment saying that the interviewer(i'll name him M) likes you that's why u got the job(this happens to be the true...read on for more info).

 

so, she starts working at this new place with no prior knowledge in accounting and they were willing to train her. and since everyone have a lunch buddy, M decides to be her lunch buddy and show her the ropes. she and some of her coworkers and M go out to lunch every day. so, she comes home and tell me M is nice to her cuz she's new. about a month or so later, M invited her and me and some of his friends to see a car show....and at the same time, her car brakes needed to be change because it's worn out...so, he offered to change her car brakes at his place after we get back...so, this is the 1st time i had a chance to meet this guy. and while me, him, and my GF talked, he only look at her and avoids me...i felt kinda weird....and thinking why does this guy talks to both of us and only stares at her...but i didn't think anything of it.

 

a few weeks later, 1 of her co-worker invited her coworkers to a pool party. M was invited also...again, when he talks to a group of us, he made eye contact to everyone but me...i thought this was rather rude to talk to someone w/o looking at them while looking at my GF. everytime they have their conversation, i can tell my the body language and the smiles that he has a thing for my GF...and he does all of this in front of me and his wife(he has problems w/ his wife also..)...while in the pool, he checks out my GF from top to bottom and kept staring at her body while im there...again i felt a bit uncomfortable and disrespectful towards me....and i felt a bit lonely at the party because it's all her coworkers friends and i didnt know anyone....she was standing there next time M while he was barbequeing something...i ask how come you're not keeping me company and she replied i can't be with you all the time...and i was kinda mad....later on that night, she says she can't take me anywhere because i acted immaturely and needed attention all the time(which is not true!)...so she told me from then on, she cant invite me to anywhere or any party because i would over-react and get mad if she talks to another guy(especially M..again this is not true).

 

the thing is, she has other male coworkers but when they talk to her, i don't see them flirting with her...and the other guys don't bother me...only M...and i've mentioned to her that M doesn't like me..and it's the mutual feeling..i dont like him eiither for flirting w/ my GF and avoiding/disrespecting me.

 

a few weeks later, he would call her at night(after 9pm) and text message her "what you doing tonight?"(she claims M text message more than 1 person that night)....and i would question why is this guy calling my GF this late at night...they would have their conversation laughing/smiling right in front of me...i would feel uneasy....so, that night i would ask questions and she got mad at me saying she doesn't have any friends.....and it's hard for her to make friends especially girl friends...and when she does find someone who she can talk ...i don't allow her...and i control her...she claims that they are only friends and M is her only friend besides me....she says she feels trap and doesnt have anyone to talk to...and she's very emotional.

 

they see each other every day at work...she tells me that he's having relationship problems with his wife...and she tells him about our relationship problems....so, they have something in common and can relate with one another.

 

so, when he called her one night..i told her i don't like this guy calling u this late and all the time....we end up arguing back and forth(she consider this fighting)...and when she's emotional she cries..and 15 minutes later...she called him back and told him don't call her again....later on that night, she told me i cannot tell her what to do and how to live her life, and who she can befriends with...so, she's mad at me..

 

without going into much details, she later on took off the ring and says she wants to move out of the house because i was too controlling...but i pleaded her to stay because i really love her and would try anything to work things out to keep this 4 yrs relationship....i say, u would rather pick some guy u just met a few months ago over me? the guy who gives u everything/anything u need, provide whatever you want, make so many sacrifices for u...abandon my family so we can be together, giving up my friend and free time for u, treat her like a queen, sleeping on the floor because she says i snore and she doesnt have enought space ont he bed, etc..(some people think im stupid and dumb)....all of this because i deeply love her....even more than my life.

 

and again last night, she said she was looking at places to rent and move out...because she says im too controlling, dont allow her to have friends, she feels trap and doesnt have anyone to turn to...she says she gave me many chances to change and i havent....and she doesnt think i will change. she claims i am too jealous and insecure about myself......but because i dont want to lose her that's why i act the way i did....she says by acting like that it's only pushing her away farther from me.

 

so, i promised her that i will try my best not to be jealous and insecure and give her 100% trust...and i would trust her to make the right decision..and i would allow her to talk to her friends, including M.....i told her i can trust her completely but i can't trust the other guys out there that have other intentions....she says he sees her as a good friend and he hasnt made any comments or done anything that would make her think otherwise.

 

i dont know what to do....please give some advices.

 

thanks for reading..and i appreciate any advice.

[gut feeling]

first let me say how sorry i am for you and what you are going through.

i just read through your whole post and i must say it so eerily familular to my situation it creeps me out.

my gf started a new job, we have the same age difference, she started talking with one particular male co worker at all times and text messages at all times. i asked her whats going on and she said they were just friends and liked to discuss relationship problems. he has no gf... she made the same claims about me trying to control her and she doesnt want me to get jealous etc etc..... she began to get very secretive and accusing me of all sorts of things. (this is a defence mechanism when people are really up to no good, divert the focus away from them)

differences are;

she wanted and DID move out shortly after this began.

she did not stop talking with him at all hours.

i was not invited to the xmas party. (pretty obvious why.. read on...)

i have never met this "good friend".

and just yesterday i found out that she has been sleeping with him for some time.

i'm not saying she is cheating on you. just be wary and trust your instincts. you have them for a reason! i did not trust mine and i am now regretting it horribly!