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Unwanted Xmas gift from Ex - Ettiquite?

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My ex and I have been in NC at my insistence since I broke up with him in June. He has tried to be in touch, but I always rebuff him. In November, the guilt he felt about the shoddy way he treated me finally caught up with him and he made some weak overtures towards seeking my forgiveness. We got in a heated IM conversation where I told him I didn't like him and that we probably couldn't be friends. I basically let him have it, and his response was that he was going to do something, make some sort of gesture, to try to win my friendship back. I was like, "Whatever!"


Last week, he sent me a very expensive box of chocolates without any sort of message. I was outraged. I don't think this was his attempt to win my friendship, but it's just like him - making an empty gesture that costs money but doesn't require any time or thought.


My question - should I acknowledge the gift? If so, how? I don't want to talk to him! I don't want to appear appreciative because, well, I don't appreciate his presumption. Then again, I don't know if not acknowledging it is the way to go. It doesn't seem polite. Then again, everyone has reminded me that the way he treated me wasn't polite either.


What the heck should I do?

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Dogheadma - sounds reasonable. Leaning towards that.


DM - I would have been a little less upset if he had been thoughtful, but not much. He can't seem to get it in his head that I dislike him and that I don't want to hear from him. I have tried conveying this in several different ways, anywhere from ignoring him to outright telling him that he's a jerk, a narcissist, etc. He can't come to terms with this, obviously.


So! To answer your question, the optimal gift would have been nothing, but I wouldn't have gotten upset if he had sent a christmas card.


If he had sent something thoughtful, I would definitely thank him.

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Can I just send him a thank you card with no message? That seems pretty cold and could drive home the point. Then again, I don't want to waste the postage, but an e-mail would open the doors to unwanted communication.


Gah, I am so mad that he put me in this position! He's such a weasel!

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You have a point. I feel like I'm negotiating with a crazy person.


I just sent him a thank you e-mail that said thank you, you shouldn't have. If he responds (which I'm hoping he won't), I will enact your advice and tell him not to contact me again. I am hoping to stop thinking about him alltogether by the first of the year, if possible.

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Thanks Orlander. Looks like I have to tell him to leave me alone and to block his e-mails. He wrote back in 30 seconds saying, "More to come!" and then detailed how he tried to get something for me I've wanted for a while, but couldn't.


I feel so dirtied by the whole exchange.

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Oh, dude...I feel for you. BTDT. Had an ex who just didn't get that it was OVER.


In this case, I think the phrase "cruel to be kind" fits. Anything less than a very blunt, direct "Do not contact me again, ever." will leave the door open -- just a crack -- in his mind.


I wouldn't go into how much you hate him and why. Keep it direct and simple. Something along the lines, "Kindly leave me alone. Any future contact from you is unwelcome and will be ignored."


Then follow through on it. No response from you ever. Because, for some people, even negative attention is attention....and it's enough to keep them hoping.

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The worst part about this - HE HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND! He started dating her two weeks after our three and a half year relationship ended, and as far as I know, they're still dating! How would she feel if she knew he was on a campaign to win my forgiveness? What is wrong with these people????


I can't tell what he's hoping for, and I'm pretty darn tired of speculating. However, I don't WANT to send him that e-mail about future contact being unwanted - I've told him at least ten times! Thing is, I'm hoping he'll snap back into reality and stop contacting me by himself.


He doesn't call me. He hasn't done much of anything in the last six months except send me e-mail making small talk. In kind, I have told him I can't be his friend, that he hurt me too much, etc. Then he started in with the whole, "I deeply regret how I treated you" garbage and I told him I didn't like him.


And now, here I am, doing my darndest to forget about him, and he sends me MULTIPLE EXPENSIVE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS! I don't think this is about me at all. This is all about him and his massive ego.


I want to tell him that this is about him and I resent it, but I can't sink to that level. I want to retaliate but I can't and it's really making me angry!!!!


I almost wish the office wasn't closed today so that I could have work to distract me. Maybe a trip to the video store is in order. GRRRR.

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Oh, I just wanted to say: It is insane not to eat good chocolate, so enjoy and ignore him - no thank you note, nothing. That will make you enjoy twice!


Oups, you e-mailed him, now I noticed that, and looks like he's having a huge ego! Order something expencive from him and than change your e-mail. Just kidding.

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Mail the empty box of chocolates to his new GF. Leave a note saying "Hi my name is finewhine. I am ---'s ex girlfriend. The chocolates your boyfriend sent me were delicious. Did he give you any?" Spend the money to mail it. Or leave it where she will find it. I think if you can't get the message accross to him, his new girlfriend will.

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