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Living apart


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My wife and I live in separate cities due to work commitments that have made things very hard for both of us. We are best friends and have a very close relationship however our sex life is almost non existent as she is always to busy or too tired when we finally meet up with each other.


I have been spending allot of my spare time with a friend that has recently separated from her BF, just hanging out, having coffee and discussing life’s in and outs (very innocent). Last week we had a final Xmas drink before I travelled up to see my wife and she headed off to her family. Just as I was leaving her with a very friendly kiss (like all y friends), her kiss became allot more and I had to pull away. We were both a little embarrassed and had a laugh as the drink was talking a little bit. She very honestly said to me that she acted on something she needed and was building for some time. She also added that she just wanted to hold someone without any commitment and given my situation and how close we were I was a good "candidate".


I left really worried as I could relate to her final words a little too much...


I continued on to see my wife. After much thought I had to tell her what had happened and that I felt we are missing a very important ingredient in the marriage... To my surprise she blew me off saying that things are a little hard at the moment but will be good once we are living together in the New Year. I even told my wife that the proposition was very exciting but I would never act on it... She simply said of course you wouldn't.... Fortunately and UNfortunately she is correct...


Tonight I site her thinking of the other night with the evil wanting more and the good just wanting it to be my wife....I don't really know what to go when I go back home. Just know I want to feel that special feeling of being wanted...

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I honestly would change jobs that way you can spend more time with your wife...She sounds like a strong women to just brush it off..


I am sure she feels the same about you, wanting more and missing it badly.


I would just give her more time...and you more time...and stay away from this "friend" she sounds like a straight up tramp...regardless of how you feel about her. One time was a mistake, and two times you could let it lead to something you dont want it to be.

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This really sounds you are attracted to the other woman not because of anything special you feel for her, but just because you are lacking a sex life with your wife and are lonely. So you really need to get things back on track sexually with your wife, make her understand that this is very important to you and NOT good for your marriage to have no sex life.


If she continues to blow you off, you need to suggest marriage counseling, something to wake her up to the importance of intimacy in a marriage.


Meanwhile, i think you need to stop the coffee breaks with the other woman and not see her until your wife is living with you again or you have resolved all your sexual issues with your wife. The other woman is single and has nothing to lose if you slip into an affair with her, but you most likely will lose your marriage if you start up with her, since most affairs usually get found out.

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Thanks for your supporting words...I think I will take up the advice on not seeing the other girl..It spells danger and I can not risk losing my wife, best friend and lover all in one go.


To change work at the moment would leave more problems then not seeing each other for a period of time....so will have to avoid that unless all else fails.


Ohh we have been married for only 1.5 YEARS however been together for 5 years. We have only been living apart for the past 6 months but I find it much harder then she does. Ironically she is living where I grew up and where all my family and friends are. I'm living in a place that is very lonely for a married man without his wife.


I will be strong and not put myself in the situation again...



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