The Break-up: Hot girl loves male attn

[mjeswoosh]

Well I finally had enough, I know it is crappy but I broke up with my girlfriend tonight, and yes it was on xmas, I just could not take it anymore. I don't think anyone feels as badly as I do. But I am trying to validate my decision. So please help me, be honest!

 

My girlfriend of 9 months has been acting really weird lately for maybe about a week or so and asked for some SPACE in our relationship. I have asked her about the situation but get nowhere. She always says that she does not have time to talk, but if things were normal we would be on the phone forever.

 

She told me last Friday that she was calling in sick (we work together) the next day b/c she had "stuff" to take care of. I asked her politely, what kind of stuff and if everything was okay. She said yes and told me again, "just stuff." So the next morning rolls around and she calls me much earlier than normal, we talked and during our conversation she mentioned she was going to be with her ex for the day, he asked to hang out with her and their daughters and she agreed. "PLEASE NOTE the reason they broke up was b/c he was abusive and was arrested 3 times for beating her during their relationship". So she did not call me until around 8pm and we normally talk 4-5 times a day. They went xmas shopping and had dinner together and all that great stuff. He didnt even have enough money to pay for his own food, she had to pay for him! She called me around 1130pm and told me about her day. I told her i felt uncomfortable spending xmas eve with her since we were giving each other so much space and our relationship seemed a little off and it seemed really weird that she spent the day with ehr ex. She begged for me to attend her family's xmas eve lunch and I told her I would come over but just to drop off gifts and say hi.

 

The next day xmas eve she acted very distant, would tease me with kisses and pull away and was basically playing games. We exchanged presents and had lunch then I left b/c I had to work. Her daughters were supposed to spend the day with their dad, so she dropped them off. Later she went with him and their daughters to two of his realtives holiday party's and spent the entire day with his family. They have 2 daughters together so I was understanding about the situation. I asked her about our situation and she said she didnt want to talk about it.

 

So on xmas I had to work and we planned on hanging out in the evening. I talked to her during the day and she asked when I was going to be off work. I told her and asked if she had plans to hang out with me. She replied, "I dont make plans." I asked her what she meant and she said she didn't want to make plans in case something popped up. I explained to her that we planned on spending the day together and after dating for 9 mos we should be able to make plans. Anyway, we did not spend xmas together, i stayed at home she spent the day with her girls.

 

Tongiht, we talked on the phone and everything was normal as could be given our situation. However, I explained to her that considering our situation and the fact that she was hanging out with her ex i wanted to find a way for us to communicate and figure out what the heck was going on. She wanted to talk face to face, said she didnt have time and she was tired. I explained that we have been dancing around this problem, whatever it is for a few days now and just wanted to know when we were going to discuss the issue. She said she was busy for the next three days, didnt have time and couldnt say when we could talk for sure; but she feels like we can resolve the issues she doesnt have time to talk about and she thinks we could work things out. I even told her I would meet her anywhere to discuss the issue and she said she didnt know when she could do it.

 

I had enough and I broke up with her, I explained that it is impossible to exist in a relationship when you have no clue what is going on with your partner. I dont know why she needed space but gave it to her anyway and she could not even be courteous enough to give me a decent explanantion or tell me when we could talk about whatever problems she was dealing with. I figured 9 mos is too far along to be dealing with these games. I felt terrible when I broke up with her but I could not take the uncertainty anymore. She constantly belittles her ex, he doesnt pay child support and owes over $12000 in back payments, doesnt even have a vehicle to pick up his kids in, abused her and she hung out with him for two days before xmas and couldnt make plans with me on xmas day. Im a little jealous but I feel it is appropriate, i'm just trying to clear my head so please tell me your thoughts....

[HeckaBekah]

Since she didn't try to communicate, in a way you weren't even in a relationship. All you were doing was stating the obvious...

[belinda_simone]

It all seems too strange to accept. I think you have done the right thing. Some people are drawn back to what they know is not good for them.. she seems to be one of these people. Don't you be one of these people. You have enough respect for yourself to do what is right. This lady is too confused to give you respect whether she means to or not.. onwards and upwards.. god bless

[Siriana]

You've done the right thing.

[agualibre777]

absolutely the right thing

[mjeswoosh]

thx for the feedback everyone, you have no idea how meaningful it is too me. thanks so much!

 

i felt really bad this morning when i woke up. my ex-girlfriend is a really nice person, i just think she is caught up in a certain way of thinking and dealing with problems. but i was pretty frustrated last night when i broke up with her. i told her not to call me anymore and said i was so tired of dealing with this immaturity. i guess i felt bad for telling her not to call me anymore.

 

regarding presents we xchanged, i did not want to accept any of the gifts in the first place. like i stated she convinced me to come over when i really did not want to. however, i unwrapped the gifts but have not opened anything. she also gave my daughter a few things which i have yet to give to her. i want to return the items not to be disrespectful but i just feel a gift xchange considering the status of our relationship was inappropriate. so would it be wrong or impolite to return these items?

 

lastly, i really want to hear this girls voice. i am so accustomed to talking with her during the day it is driving me psycho. i have yet to dial her number but i just want to call and say hi. i know this contradicts my feelings and actions but i am sure this is normal given the circumstance and time we were together. any advice here?

 

hope you all had a merry xmas and a safe new year. and thanks many times over for the advice, it is so nice to be able to receive feedback so quickly.

[Siriana]

No need to return the presents - if you gave her presents too it's o.k.

[mjeswoosh]

so i called like a dummy, just to say i was sorry for being so frustrated last night on the phone. i told her that i did not mean to say "dont call me". i explained that both of us has been there for the other person for 9 mos and helped each other through many things and i thought this was a big waste if we went this direction.

 

she was not very receptive and said, "yeah sometimes people say things they dont mean but i cant forget what you said." she also said she was returning the items that i had given her for xmas, she said it would be inappropriate for her to keep them.

 

i kinda feel the same way but i dont want to stop talking with her, she is a nice person but i guess i look at every relationship/friendship they are all rocky and tumultuos. i dont want to go through this, even though i have been doing the same thing.

 

man love hurts! so should i just do everything in my power to not call her anymore or what? i am not sure what is the best route here, anybody have some suggestions?

[Iceman26]

I think the best route is to heal and move on dude. No phone calls, no nothing. At least, that is what I would do in your situation because I see no point in dragging on the inevitable.

 

I don't think any sane person could be in a relationship with someone that acts like that. The level of her relationship with her ex raises some big flags to me, but more importantly she had little regard and/or time for you.

[abstar]

m'hmm you hve defo done the right thing,,, xx

[mjeswoosh]

you guys have been awesome and i just want to say thx again!

 

okay so i know the NC route is supposed to be the way to go. maybe i am shooting myself in the foot here but we talked again. she was driving in her car and i could hear the cd i bought for her playing in the background. she is very sentimental and the music was very meaningful to our relationship so i doubt she would have been listening to it just b/c.

 

we talked just briefly b/c she had to finish an errand then she called me back and we talked for awhile and even managed to share a few laughs. she was not standoffish but said some things like, "i guess i should go there is not much point in us talking" which i took to be just for effect. i'm the one who asked her not to call so i think she was kinda rubbing that in.

 

i dont think i can go total NC b/c we work together and this will make things very difficult. i just feel like if she would communicate or realize how important communication is to a relationship things would be much different not just between us but for her life too.

 

you guys have any tips? been in the situation where you work with someone you are on the rocks with? any ideas on how to wake her up if that is possible?

[Iceman26]

you guys have any tips? been in the situation where you work with someone you are on the rocks with? any ideas on how to wake her up if that is possible?

 

 

She is not going to "wake up". Her priorities apparently lie with her ex and her children, which she has made completely apparent to you over this holiday season.

 

I think if you like to be treated as third best than this is the girl for you.

 

If you work with her be polite but not personal.

[afonselaca]

It is easy for her to prioritize the way she did because she isn't married to you. If she were married it would be a different ballgame as far as her ex is concerned. Then it is handing kids off and coordinating everything instead of the ease of just doing it all together. Just my thoughts.

[mjeswoosh]

I am not overly jealous that she spent time with her ex on the holidays b/c I do not view the situation exactly as such. I had to work both days anyway. He does not have a vehicle and she has no one to watch the girls other than him, so I can see why dragging him along to spend time with his children while she shopped would work for her and the girls could see there dad as well. I just felt the way in which she communicated this was wrong. I could easily understnad what she intended to do, if she had been up front instead of skirting around the issue and making me guess and wonder. The marriage issue is something i contemplate, and i don't mean getting married, i mean the way things are unfolding right now. I don't like how she communicates of fails to do so. I guess things would be much easier if we were together b/c she did say she wants to talk "face-to-face." She is not a bad girl, I know she was abused terribly in her past relationship and she always puts her kids first even if it means hanging out with her ex just so her little girls can smile. I think I understand her, it is just difficult staying in the fire. She needs someone strong to be with her b/c she has never had tha before.

 

We talked again last night for awhile and she sais that she loves me, and that she did want to talk to me face-to-face b/c she felt the issues were that important. And she felt like b/c she wouldn't talk right then and there, I was not getting my way and I called it quits. She said, "I don't want to be with someone who walks away so easily."

[Iceman26]

And she felt like b/c she wouldn't talk right then and there, I was not getting my way and I called it quits. She said, "I don't want to be with someone who walks away so easily."

 

When I speak of her priorities I know that children would of course be #1. I could understand about the dad too, though I think that whole situation is screwy.

 

What actually happened here though was she got things her way and instead of taking some time out to communicate with you she left you wishing and wondering as she puts you until it is convenient for her.

 

What a great way for her to turn the situation in her favor.

 

Anyways, if you want to get together with her again I suggest having a good talk with her about effectively communicating with each other.

[mjeswoosh]

well i chatted with her just briefly tonight. she spent the day shopping with her kids and i know she stopped by her ex's but i didnt ask too many questions. really i guess i don't care at this point.

 

she said she has so much going on and she doesn't understand why i would want to be with a girl like her. i tried boosting her ego and just being there for her but at the same time kept the conversation short.

 

she then called me back and i told her i was a little disturbed by the fact that she and her ex had spent so much time together lately and we could not even muster the time or dedicate ourselves to a talk. she said if i had a problem with her spending time with him that it was my insecurities b/c she was doing nothing wrong and never would betray me. the next free day she has is new years eve and we had planned on spending the day together w/out kids before this all went down. but now, we agreed to talk and see where things are going from here. new years eve seems like a long time from now but at least i know when we are finally going to talk. although it took some pushing on my part to make this happen. and a lot of arguing!

 

i do have to say that i feel much better inside not dealing with her problems on a daily basis. she is such a drain on my energy and mental status. i think as time is slowly passing i see the situation for what it really is. when we have problems she runs back to her ex instead of chatting with me. maybe she has always avoided problems in life and does not know how to deal with conflict. i hung out with my friends tonight and made plans to do the same tomorrow but with more people. it feels good to branch out again and just be myself, social, friendly and outgoing, not isolated and consumed with trying to help one person figure out she needs to be the change that she wants to see in her life. how does one get to that point?

[mjeswoosh]

i don't get this girl.

 

like i mentioned before we work together. at work yesterday i bumped into her and advanced cautiously but acted cool. she acted bubbly, happy and kinda normal. she wanted to go some place so we could talk real quick so we stopped into a lounge and she attcked me, kissing and hugging me, and said, "there was no way she could ever be mad at me if we lived together." she said, "you are to hard to resist."

 

i was totally baffled and taken back by her actions but she was acting totally normal so i just went with it. she worked the morning shift so she left shortly after i got to work but i waled her out to her car and talked a bit. she again was all over me again in the car. she talked briefly about some things that were going thru her head and i let her go. she called last night 2 times while i was at work, we talked and i let her go for the night.

 

then today, we usually talk in the morning so i called around 1030, she didnt answer so i called again around 12noon and thne finally she answered around 1. i called a total of three times in the morning, she answered the phone extremely irrate, said she was busy and would call me later. i was taken back a bit b/c she hung the phone up on me. she has told me in the past that if she does not answer to call back b/c she does not always carry her cell of hear it ring while at home.

 

i knew something was bothering her so i left her alone. she normally calls me on her way to work so i waited and decided to call her, she didn't answer so i tried one more time and she answered. she was really mad that i called her and said she is so annoyed with me and calling. i was again taken back b/c she has always told me call, call, call, i like it when you call me. she blew up about all of the problems she was having at home with her daughter, her dog and life in general. i usde to be an outlet for her but she has not been calling to talk with me lately. i was able to get her to calm down and talk about her issues and i told her that if she is having a bad day like this i have no way of knowing unless she tells me, blowing up on me and pushing me away solves nothing, it only makes me worry and obviously she gets angry.

 

i don't get this girl. well, i guess i do. she is consistently inconsistent. any ideas on this most recent behavior? she said she would like to hang out on new years eve for awhile but tongiht she said she was not looking forward to hanging out with me b/c she knows how i am. i had no clue what she meant by that but i just took it as she was trying to get a reaction out of me and left it alone.

[Rabican]

Break it off man... and have as little contact with her as necessary. If she works with you, then be civil at work. Say hi, bye, good morning, have a nice night, etc. But other than that... say nothing, do nothing, dont call, dont write etc. etc.

[Iceman26]

Damn.

 

In my opinion she is either seriously messed up in the head or she is dating someone else too.

 

Leave her be man, you seem like a decent fellow who deserves a little more out of life than this.