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Just got out of a 9 year relationship and miserable!

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Where do I begin? I starting dating this guy when I was 14. We did our share of breaking up and getting back together. When I was 20 I moved in with him. I was madly in love with would do whatever he wanted. I treated him like a king and he was horrible to me. I was his servent, thats how I felt...but I still stayed with. We faught all the time, I was miserable and so was he. After three years of living with I moved out got my own place and started to move on with my life. 3 months went by and he called. He said that he loved me and he realized I was the best thing that ever happened and then asked me to marry him. I said no way you should of realized that before I left. I was mad but so happy that he called, so I went back to dating him and the broke and so on. Just a few weeks we tried to work things out AGAIN! We decided we should see a counselor...That was one of the biggest mistakes, he just ragges on me the whole time and I just sat there and cried. So now he wants to be with other people and he doesn't want to be with me.

My heart is broken and it is so hard being alone I hate it. I've been on dates and when I get home I just cry because I want my ex back. I feel so secure with him, and I miss our happy times. I'm so picky too, guys can't do anything right, well at least thats how I feel. Being alone is so hard, when I get upset or if I have a rough day I just want to call him to make me feel better. Now I only have me. I have allot of friends but they really don't understand what I'm going through. I was really dependent on this guy and most of my girls friends are extremely independent. They all get upset when I would go back to him. I don't know it's something about him, I need him. I get some much attention from guys and could have the so called "Prince Charming" if I could just do it. I just can't. I need help and I need advice. Hopefullsy someone out there understands.

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I feel for you, I really do. It's hard to take any advice when you are feeling like this. You don't want to hear the "get over it" and the "get on with your life" advice, so I won't start there.


What you need to do is have some closure with him. Listen, you yourself know you deserve better. The worst mistake people can do is try to think they can make people love them that they love. You can't. It's a tough thing. What you need to realize that how you are feeling is normal and you just need to ride it out. If you loved me as much as you loved him, I'd show you and tell you how much I appreciated you--and you know what, I would do whatever it took to make it work if I wanted it to. He doesn't see you like that. It's his loss, you just gotta keep telling yourself that.


The best advice I can give you is to cut ties with him. The more you hear from him, the more time it will take to stop feeling miserable. Go out with your friends more, go places where a lot of people are (the mall, etc.) keep yourself busy and ignore his calls.


He calls to get one thing out of you and it's not to get you back...he misses the sex most likely. At least, that would be my first guess.


The guy is a chump. You deserve much better, I can even see that from just your post.

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Thanks for the replly. I really appreciate the help. Bt why is it so hard not to call him when I know i shouldnt. I always want to call him. I always want the comfort. I know I can call someone else...but I love his voice. I hate this...I don't want o be a weak person...but I ned him.



I just went out on a date with this guy that was wonderful He is everything a girl wants. Successful, charming, good looking, great body...EVERYTHING...but there was nothing I felt for him. H even sent me roses, dropped me off perfume and a stuffed animal...and still he's not good enoug, I still compare him to my ex that would do one of things.


What is wrong with me? Why cant I just get on? Why do I compare my ex???



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I may be wrong but it seems that this is the first guy you've been with or fell in love with. I understand that you compare others to him but no one is really the same. We all have similar qualities but not exactly the same.

As for dating other guys who are successful, charming, good looking etc..you may not feel anything for them because your not allowing yourself to, your still too emotionally stuck on someone else who does not feel the same as you do. Do you really want to be with someone who does not love you as much as you love them? Going out on dates is a good step in moving forward. You may just find someone who will sweep you off your feet. Take a chance, what do you have to lose, not your ex because he's already gone. Don't waste your time on someone who won't do the same for you. The most important person now is you, take care of yourself first and go from there. Remember that when one door closes, sometimes another opens, you just have to see it and take that step.

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