Ex Is Coming Over - Help

[EddieRentz]

Hi all!

 

There are many out there familiar with my story and I owe you forever for helping me through this. Basically here is the story as it is now:

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I have been ignoring the friendly emails and texts (about what the dog is doing, or her job interviews, or about where I am moving to) and responding only to things that I need to - like about mail and such.

 

She is coming over today to drop off the balance of my things.

 

Truth is - I realllllllly miss her. I realllllllly want her back. I also reallllllly want to move on and heal.

 

Do I see her when she comes by? Do I let someone else answer the door? Do I say anything about her not contacting me for the foreseeable future?

 

What would you do people?

[Lanterna Magica]

Well, a bunch of my stuff was at my ex's house so one friday afternoon I called her and asked her to get it all together for me, I went round there, had a cup of tea, told her how sad i was about the break up, didn't beg, didn't try to make her feel guilty, I just took the stuff, hugged her gave her a kiss and said 'I hope you are happy in life' she said 'Take care of yourself' I said 'I will' and I got in the car, drove away and spent my evening in tears!

 

There is no easy way, man. It is a really hard and final thing to do.

 

I personally would see her, take your stuff, thank her, wish her well, ask her not to contact you again because you need to heal and you are unable to do this effectively if she won't let go. If she made the decision to split, she has no right to expect anything from you now.

 

It is your time now!

[Relationship Coach]

She's bringing your stuff back...

 

Of course you miss her and want her back, that just shows you what part of the healing stage you are in. It's going to be a long haul for you unless you face the fact that she is moving on and you are not! I would think that if she really wanted to be with you in the future, she would contact you. No need to bring that up as it will only make you look worse to her and instill more false hope for the future. With all that has happened between the two of you, I think you need to realize it's just not going to happen. Get yourself right and in a better place and then move forward without her in mind.

 

RC

[EddieRentz]

Well that's just it RC... she does contact me, like every day. When I am out of town (something I didnt do often when together) she gets the out of office auto reply and then follows with a text. Usually it is mundane crap she is contacting me about, but she asks where I am moving to, she has texted me at 1 am about something the dog is doing and how she wishes I could see it or for advice on a job issue or something.

I just dont know how to handle these things, I dont know that ignoring her completely is the right way to go.

[EddieRentz]

I left - let my mother answer the door.

 

I came to the conclusion that I really wasn't ready to see her.

 

Knowing her as well as I do... I know that she was probably insistant upon coming over herself because A) she wants to test her reaction seeing me B)she wanted to get some sort of closure if there was no reaction to seeing me and C) it gives her control to do it her way...

I decided to be disinterested in giving her any of the above. I emailed her beforehand and let her know that I was out shopping and there would be someone there to meet her...

 

She told my Mom she misses her, hugged her and then left.

[bella321]

Good for you, Eddie. Letting your mother answer the door was definitely the right move. Why put yourself through the pain of seeing her, when you need to focus on not thinking about her, missing her, etc? In terms of her contacting you about mundane stuff, that is awful of her to do and hopefully if you continue to ignore her, she'll stop. My ex does that sometimes and it fills me with false hope that we will get back together. And it makes me backslide and compromises my progress in getting over him and moving on with my life. Unless, she is contacting you to say, "I want to get back together, what can I do to change myself so you will take me back?", she doesn't want to get back together. It sounds tough, but I have to tell myself that everyday as a reality check. Happy holidays, Eddie and congratulations again on making a great decision and keeping up your no contact.

[EddieRentz]

Thanks Bella

I come off as a tough guy to people that know me, it is hard for them to reconcile that image with who I really am - and this is really painful

 

THanks again

[Relationship Coach]

Eddie,

It's a tough situation but you need to just tell her that her contact and attempts to see you are preventing you from healing. If she really cares the least bit for you, she needs to respect your feelings and allow you to heal on your terms, not hers. Even tough guys have soft spots, you're human first and a man second. Best of luck.

 

RC