being a new member of a group

[david90]

I'm into surfing and I found a local group of people with the same interest. When we hang out together, I feel neglected because most of them don't really ask me anything about myself. I'm pretty friendly and I can't think of a reason why they would hate me.

 

The same thing happens at work. There are 3 guys at my work place and they don't really want to get to know me even though I have tried to get to know them.

 

I'm not sure if this is the cause but I feel that my looks has something to do with it. I'm a bit below average in looks and I read that people tend to open to people with good looks and associate good qualities with those people. I feel that because of how I look, people do not give me a chance.

 

Is this common when being a new member of a group?

[david90]

ops, I posted this post in the wrong forum. Can somebody move this post to the friends forum?

[avman]

Certainly. Post has been moved.

[Scout]

Hi, David...I don't want to discount your feelings here, but having looked over some of your past threads, I think you struggle a bit with some feelings of insecurity, and so, you're not that comfortable in your own skin. When we don't feel comfortable with ourselves, we tend to project that/externalize it on other people. For example, "They don't like me" or "I'm not attractive and people are repelled by me." And so on. In other words, we often assume things that, in reality, aren't really the case at all, simply because we don't like ourselves.

 

Personally, I think it's awesome that you're into surfing. And I think you should stick with it, continue to be friendly, and know that as all of you get to know each other better, bits and pieces of your interests and background will naturally over time come into the conversation.

 

It is really, really cool that you pursue things you're interested in, rather than let your insecurities keep you holed up and withdrawn from the world. Stick with the former attitude, it will pay off over time. You'll see!

[puff.tm.dragon]

If you're ugly, be *super* nice! Buy them drinks, laugh a lot (out loud). Make them feel comfortable around you. Try to associate yourself with lots of hot women and let them see it.

[cbstyles69]

i feel i'm an average guy, and i'm going to say this as lil big headed as i can. looks have nothing to do with it. people want confidence,charm. are u interesting? how do u spend your life? theres alot more to come into play then just looks.

 

look at it this way opposites attract to looks, but to win someone over with charm is going to bring you alot farther in a relationship. so what, it means u just have to work a lil harder for what you want. one thing my parents did teach me is hard work pay's off.

[Scout]

I fully agree with cbstyles, looks don't get you nearly as far as your personality will.