Sexually frustrated and going away

[Alex84]

Ive been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now. She is 20, i am 22. I have never been satisfied sexually throughout the relationship, but I am happy with how this relationship is going otherwise. I am getting extremely frustrated at the lack of intimacy. We are both virgins, which is because she isnt ready, and im cool with that.

 

I always feel like an idiot after i initiate something. I NEVER finish, and it doesnt seem to bother my partner, dispite several conversations about how i feel. I get so annoyed as well, she wonders why i am grumpy. There is frequently what i call a start to some intimacy, but unfortunately that is a finish for her. I dont know if its worse getting nothing at all, but every time i get angry and more frustrated. I feel that i am such an idiot starting it, becuase when its 'over' i realise that i knew how i was going to feel.

 

I spoke to her earlier about her attitudes to sex and what not. One thing that came out of this was that she wasnt really interested in taking part in sexual activities. She said that she feels that she should be, but she just isnt. Maybe this may change, but i dont know.

 

I am going overseas in less than a week, on my own, on a tour that is well known for lots of sexual activity and drinking. I am trying to look at it as just a tour of New Zealand, and not be interested in the sex side of it. That is really what i want, but my problem is that i am very worried i may not be able to stop myself cheating on my partner if the opportunity arose, because I have so much built up sexual frustration. I know if i was to cheat, it would be the end of the relationship. I couldnt hide something like that.

 

Am i wrong to feel this way? I am not using this sexual frustration as a 'good reason' to cheat, and i am not trying to seek aproval to cheat from people who reply to this. I really do disagree with being unfaithful and i dont want to hurt my partner, but at the same time i need some lovin that im not getting. Comments?

 

Thanks.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I fyou cant "stop yourself from cheating" then you don't need to be in this relationship. My opinion on it is, if you are commited in a relationship and love your partner whether you are sexually frustrated or not you will never cheat. So my advice is if you feel you are going to cheat during your trip you should end the relationship you're in and keep your gf from getting hurt anymore.

[Timebandit]

You can feel whatever you like. Nothing wrong there.

 

But you have the responsibility for how you deal with the situation. I do not think that you can require her to have sex with you. You can talk to her about it in a non-demanding way, and tell her what it means to you. If she in any way feels pressured or manipulated it will probably just make her retreat more.

 

If it doesn´t help you have three options:

- stay in the relationship and be happy

- stay in the relationship and be unhappy

- leave

 

And on the tour itself, you still get to decide what you will do. If you are afraid to cheat, you can just skip the drinking parts, or at least not get insanely drunk. You will just end up hurting yourself and your partner if you decide to cheat.

 

You have a choice.

[Hope75]

If you are not satisfied in this relationship to the point of feeling that you may 'not be able to control yourself' re: cheating should the opportunity arise, than maybe it's time to seriously consider if this relationship is for you.

[n83]

I think regardless of your trip, you should break up with her. She already told you that she doesn't want to be intimate, so you holding it against her is pointless and harmful to the relationship. If you both want different things, let her move on and then you can live your life however you wish.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She is only 20 and clearly not ready for that kind of physical intimacy. Nothing wrong with that. Relationships are more than just about sex. If this is what you want and you feel sexually frustrated, then break up with her and find someone who is more compatible with your sexual needs (you should have no problem finding that because they are a dime a dozen...and, there will be plenty of willing partners on your trip). If you choose to break up with her over this, please do not ever tell her it is because of the sex issue, even if she asks. The last thing she needs to feel is that if she doesn't put out, guys will dump her or won't be interested in her.

[doyathink]

She is only 20 and clearly not ready for that kind of physical intimacy. Nothing wrong with that. Relationships are more than just about sex. If this is what you want and you feel sexually frustrated, then break up with her and find someone who is more compatible with your sexual needs (you should have no problem finding that because they are a dime a dozen...and, there will be plenty of willing partners on your trip). If you choose to break up with her over this, please do not ever tell her it is because of the sex issue, even if she asks. The last thing she needs to feel is that if she doesn't put out, guys will dump her or won't be interested in her.

 

Very well put!

It seems you have to make a choice here. Stay, and accept that you wont have any sex with her till she is someday ready.

 

or

 

Leave and go get all the sex you want from others.

[No, useYOURname]

Is this a military trip or just a fun, vacation trip? I was thinking of touring New Zealand soon and am interested in any advice on tours you might be aware of.

 

As far as your relationship, I think 3 years together is long enough to start having sex. I don't know either one of you and I'm impressed by her character, but is it possible that she may not ever be the sexual type?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

As far as your relationship, I think 3 years together is long enough to start having sex.

Sex is not about how long you have been together, it is about readiness. If two people are together from the time they are 14, 3 years later puts them at 17, does that mean they should start having sex because it has been long enough? Absolutely not. She is only 20 years old and may not yet be at the point where she is ready to give up her virginity. It is a big decision to make because you can't go back. Some people do take that decision seriously.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I was thinking of touring New Zealand soon and am interested in any advice on tours you might be aware of.

 

Years ago I went to New Zealand and Australia with a tour company called Contiki Tours. They specialize in the 18-35 year old age range. It was a lot of fun. I also did a Contiki tour of England, Scotland and Wales.

[No, useYOURname]

Contiki was the company I found. I might give them a try, but I would be going alone. I wouldn't even be going with friends or a group at all. None of my friends ever want to do anything and it's such a pain.

[Calvin5]

Alex

 

Man, don't even let people put that guilt trip crap on you.

 

At 22 years old, unless there is some religious significance....you should be out having all the sex you want.

 

 

It's alright if SHE'S a virgin...she's a woman and it's alright for her.

 

But not for you.

 

You better go ahead and get yourself "some".....

 

 

And regardless of what anyone else tells you.....unless you two are married, you are NOT cheating.

 

Just don't lie to your girlfriend.

Tell her how you feel and what you're gonna do....that's not cheating that's human nature.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Calvin, "Human Nature" is if you care for someone and respect them you aren't going to go around sleeping with other people while you are with them. If its her choice to stay a virgin more power to her and if he has a problem with that then don't continue a relationship with her. She was obviously very upfront with him as far as letting him know she wants to remain this way until marriage or a certain time and she deserves the respect from him to respect her wishes and just because of this it doesn't give him the right to cheat. And I dont knwo where you receive your information from but sleeping around while in a relationship is cheating whether you are married or not.