How long should it take?

[froufrou]

It's been almost 4 months since the break-up. We were together 5 months. No biggie, right? How I wish that was the case.

 

The first month following the split, I was strangely ok. I accepted everything. The second and third month, again I was ok.

 

But this fourth month has been hell. It's like he's dead and gone forever; I can't sleep, find food repulsive and I keep dreaming about him. Last night's dream was particularly awful - he would flirt with me, then literally run off, so I would have to chase him; then, when I caught up with him, he would mock me and I could not understand why. I woke up and tried to cry, but I was so exhausted that it was more like dry heaves in the end.

 

Is it going to get even worse? Why aren't my feelings for him going away? How long does it take to get over someone?

[ElegantOverkill]

Sorry to hear that your going through a tough time. It sounds like you just suppressed your feelings early and just now they are coming through. Its hard to say how long it takes to get over someone. everyones different. and sometimes the relationships that are on the short side are tough to get over fast. because it is cut short in the middle of a very intense time frame. "honeymoon stage." btw who did the breaking? and why did you break up?

[froufrou]

It was a strange time. We both broke up with each other. He was annoying the hell out of me being, being distant, spending all his time getting high. I was annoying the hell of him by being antisocial, not talking about things.

 

A week before our breakup, we had a big talk and resolved to keep things together - I truly think we cared about each other a lot, but were very different people. Then he went on holiday with his friends for a week, and during that time he didn't call, text - and I got so down that I knew it had to come to an end. I wanted someone more affectionate than that.

 

He came back from holidays and declared that it was obvious we weren't made for each other. I agreed - he was *definitely* the guy who I've had the strongest feelings for, but his erratic behaviour (one minute, running to me, the next, ignoring me) drove me away.

 

But the fact that I've never had such strong feelings for a man before is now the massive problem. I want him back, I want to salvage what we had, I want to try again. Those sort of feelings don't crop up every day, right?

[ElegantOverkill]

You think you want him back, but you would regret it if it came true. You are getting off on the thought of "fixing" something. take a step back and realize you need someone who is willing to give back. We are sometimes attracted to chaos i know how it feels because i am too! its kinda fun! lol but if you want a healthy long lasting relationship you need to move on from this one. By all means cry, kick and scream if you have to. get all of that out but i dont think you should go back for this one.

[Hope75]

Healing from a breakup rarely occurs in a linear fashion, you may have good weeks and bad weeks, and the holidays are particularly notorious for bringing up memories and making grief seem fresh again.

 

Hang in there- this will pass.